I just want to get the help I need

[Guest_18111436]

Hi. I'm not sure how to do this but this is an effort and I'm running low on motivation lately so please be kind. I'm 17, I live with my boyfriend. I haven't been home for over a year my mother was neglectful and violent. I haven't been to school, worked and rarely visited family in this time my life this past year has consisted of drugs, alcohol and the wrong crowd.. I don't talk to anyone anymore, I wake up in the middle of the day and lay in bed till 4 then I eat and then I lay in bed till late at night when I sit in the shower and just feel so useless. I don't talk to my boyfriends family, I don't do anything I just feel so drained. I've felt this way for weeks I just want to get better and do something before I waste my life away. My boyfriends father is getting tired of supporting me and my boyfriend hasn't been working bc he wants to stay home and make sure I'm ok so soon I might have to go back home to my mother, where she drinks and breaks things and my younger sister who just runs away everyday. I sit on the bathroom floor and just feel like I have nothing going for me. I have nothing stable I've never had stable. My mother wouldn't get me diagnosed she thinks depression is a lie. I've never known someone who's actually depressed and I don't know if this is what I am but it feels like it is. I've had a history of self harm. I hate mentioning it because everyone thinks it's for attention. Maybe it is maybe I just want someone to notice I'm in pain. I hate when people are over. I used to love company bit I just want to be alone recently, i find a way to hate everyone around me even if I love them. I can't stand anything I'm tired all the time and dizzy, I lose my vision multiple times a day and I just want help I'm crying out for help. I've never been this bad. I just want to know how to get help without my mother. I have no car and no money I have nothing I feel so lost and so unmotivated this is all I know how to do, please help me. I'm losing everything good I used to have. I don't feel like myself anymore

[Croix]

Dear New member~

I'd like to give you a warm welcome here to the Forum, a place where people can come when things are pretty bad, and they sound pretty bad for you right now - with no obvious way out.

I"m not a doctor so cannot say for sure, however it sounds ot me like a perfect storm, a mother who is toxic, takng drugs and alcohol, self harm, having not resources and feeling no motivation -plus wanting to be alone - like I have when I've been depressed. (I've cried too)

I was never able to make myself better, it would come in waves, each worse than the last.

Apart from being worried about you I find the sight problems particularly worrying. You certainly need professional help, to help you, and to take some of the pressure off your  boyfriend.

At 17 you do not need parents permission to seek medical help, the hard part is finding it for free.

You or you boyfriend, or his dad, may find a doctor that bulk bills, in some places there are walk-in Medicare Mental Health Centers, Headspace and if all else fails go to the local hospital's ED and explain  what has been happening, including eyesight.

You might find it easier if someone goes with you, and if you want to talk to someone first I'd suggest the Kids Help Line - by phone or text. They are excellent, understanding and practical.

I was a complete suicidal mess but now am in a different and better world. Life can be so much better for you, siting in the bathroom is no way to live -  you deserve and can get a better life. There is no question you do not need to waste your life away.

If you would like to come back and talk some more that would be great

Croix