I feel I am not needed

viper57 · ‎12-10-2014

Hi we are now back in western australia met up with our son and fiance things were good for the 1st week they wanted us to come home now we are here things are different now feel we are not needed i am suffering with depression at the moment is it wrong to feed used not well got bad arthritis havent found a doc yet not happy at moment

Mares73 · ‎13-10-2014

Dear Viper as you probably know depression can invade our thoughts & lives so that everything begins to feel too much to deal with. I'd strongly suggest you set yourself one goal each day. Most important one for today I'd recommend would be looking at the list of GPS on this site that specialize in treating depression . Find the nearest one & phone & make an appointment. That would be a great achievement because it puts you on the path to getting help for Your depression. Even if that's all you can do today that's a great step. I know it's hard to do anything when you feel really low but I hope you can just make that one phone call. Don't worry about tomorrow-right now it sounds like you just need to focus on getting through each day. Maybe tomorrow you could write a list of small enjoyable things you can do ie reading if you like it & so on. Try not to get overwhelmed by things you feel you have to do. There's not much that can't wait until you've seen a Dr or feel a bit better. And always come here for support or to let out how your feeling. We always care. Hope to hear how you go, Lve Mares xxx

geoff · ‎13-10-2014

dear Viper, welcome to the site.

It's always terrific to catch up with our kids and their partner/spouse, and let's just push your depression to one side for the moment, as I will comment on this later.

When I visit my son, his wife and two beautiful children I have to travel a couple of hours to get there, which I loathe the drive, but love seeing them, but I don't stay too long, maybe a night, or just a day trip, but I feel as though I will interrupt their daily activities because I live funny hours, so as much as my son wants me to stay, I don't.

The same could be with you, as much as they love you, they don't want to feel obligated in having to cater for you, even though you don't cause any trouble, it just feels strange having someone else stay with them.

Please don't take this in anyway harmful, because it's not a sign of them not loving you, they just want their own space.

If you have depression before this happened then it will only make you feel worse, as though they don't love you, so it's a feeling of being hurt, which is totally understandable, and by suffering from arthritis or anything else it magnifies this greatly.

If you didn't have depression, and please excuse me as you have posted a good number of replies or comments, I can't remember whether you have, but I presume that you may have, never the less feeling rejected is going to cause depression.

I would do as Mares has said and you can do this by clicking on 'get support' at the top of this page, where there will a list of doctors.

I hope that I haven't overstepped the mark here with you. Geoff.

viper57 · ‎18-10-2014

Hi thanks for your comments my husband and myself are stressed the move back to WA was for me our son said he would take care of us not has not happened we are hardly talking they had a party that went very wrong we got the blame for it his fiance does not want anything to do with should never have come back going to live down south in 3 weeks hope we can be happy there its my fault we returned thought thing would be like i thought but there not now i have to live with that maybe im to gullible

Joybells_72 · ‎26-10-2016

Hi Viper,

Family relationships can be so complicated! It certainly doesn't help when you are living with depression as well.

Moving to be near family can sound so great, being close to those that we love and we imagine having all sorts of love and support. Our family often tell us that they want us to live near them so that they can look after us. It sounds good but as you have seen the reality can be very different. People who have not lived with depression or anxiety think that all we need is a change of scenery or to be geographically near to them. They cannot really understand what it feels like to live with the depression and anxiety as they have not experienced it. This is not their fault or ours! Usually they feel like they are helping just by being there (in the same area).

I really think that people are not educated well on the subject of depression and anxiety, thankfully there are sites like the amazing Beyond Blue who are working so hard to change this.

I am so sorry that this move has not gone well for you. Moving can not only be physically but mentally exhausting and your hopes were high. Please know that you are not alone. I am hoping that your next move will bring you support and a network of people to come around you and love you.

Make sure that you look up the local resources and connect where you can when you move. Don't be isolated!!

Wishing you all the best.