I dont really understand life

[Dontlikemyself]

Hi. Im stu. Why was I born. And whats the point?

[Not_Batman]

Hi stu.

you are absolutely right, even the toughest fall apart. A diamond is is the hardest material, but hit it with a hammer and it will shatter.

As an ex-cop, think of all of the people you have helped. How many are still here because of you.

when times are dark there is still a light that shines. It may be very dim, too dim to see, but it is there.

it sound as though things are not the best for you at the moment, and that happens. But there is something that you can do.

To reiterate what sophie had posted,

Lifeline are available on 13 11 14 and the Suicide Call Back Service can be reached on 1300 659 467.

If you find yourself in a situation where you become an immediate danger to yourself, this is an emergency and you should call 000 (triple zero).

there is absolutely no shame In talking it out. I hope you make that call like I did.

Not_Batman

[Ggrand]

Hello Stu..

Please don’t leave us here...no pressure..

Yes Dear Stu..the toughest of people in the community can fall apart...and I am deeply sorry that it has happened to you...

I am no professional..just a person who also at one stage not that long ago..fell to pieces...and came here for help...

Please give our wonderful community a chance to chat to you...Many people here have so many good suggestions on managing their mental health through our own lived experience...We want to do the best we can for you Stu..

Really so much hoping that you will come back here and talk a little..about anything you feel to..We are here for you dear Stu...Please let us try to help you...

My most kindest and caring thoughts..

Grandy..

[quirkywords]

Stu

I want to thank you for all your hard work as a cop.

Thanks for being honest with explaining your feelings.

you are not alone and there is support here.

[Dontlikemyself]

Not Batman,
I'm not sure things can get much worse for me. I am totally gone. Wife is going through depression and probably mid life crisis. She's leaving to go live by herself to 'find herself'. Says she loves me and our two boys and the house,cat and dog, but is still leaving me????? My boys , one adult the other a teenager do very little to help. Have to ask every day for dishes, washing, think about meals, shopping, house cleaning, mowing, car maintenance....... need i go on? I cant keep this going. Cant keep me going. Is this wh a t life is about?? Not saying everything i do is a womans job. Far from it. Its not, but on my own, too hard.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Dontlikemyself,

Thank you so much for keeping the community updated on how you've been going, and we are so sorry to hear that things are feeling like they can't get much worse. You've shown so much courage in being so open and honest with your feelings, and please know that many others reading will be able to relate to feeling this way at a difficult time in their lives too- you're never alone in this. Our caring community are here for you, and we are also currently reaching out to you through email to check in with you and offer some extra support through this.

It sounds like you have so much on your plate at the moment, and we can hear that all of this must be incredibly difficult to cope with- especially if you feel unable to reach out to friends or family about how you've been feeling. But please know that there is always somewhere to turn to, and support is always available for you. We'd really urge you to reach out to our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) anytime - day or night- during overwhelming times like these. 

We hope that you find some solace here in the forums, and please always feel welcome to continue updating us on how you're feeling whenever you're ready to- we're all here for you.

[Dontlikemyself]

Ok. Im still here. I dont know why but seems you people do care. You had a councillor ring me and she was nice. I vented and she listened. We solved nothing but she still listened. Where to from here I don't know. I'll hang around and try to express myself in the right way for now. I know something's not right when i hear cicadas and there are none. Maybe i am crazy.
Stu

[Not_Batman]

Hay Stu.

im glad you were able to talk to someone. Even though nothing was solved, at least you have had a chance to talk about it. You may find that talking about it can change the way you think about it and look at it from another perspective.

As far as next steps, do you speak to a professional (a GP or psychologist)? If not, i would certainly recommend it.

i am really sorry that you’re hurting, depression is a horrible affliction. Does your family know that you are suffering? I may be worthwhile having a talk with them. Gently tell them you need their help.

the BB community wouldn't be here if nobody cared.
By some miracle im still here. Like a lot of people on here, i came on because i needed help, i didn't understand myself, and felt that nobody understood what i was going through, but the amount of support that i got (and still get) from the forums is amazing. I care because i have felt tremendous pain, and i dont want anyone to feel the same way i did.

Solidarity, Stu.

Not_Batman

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Stu,

I also am pleased that you came back to us...and a lovely Counsellor from BB rang you...Just talking to someone, can be a bit of release and ease your pain a little..

Like Not Batman..I joined the forums a few years ago, a total mess and suicidal..the beautiful care I received from the forum community helped me so much...I stayed on here to volunteer my myself so I could try to give back what I received...I really hope that we can be of help and support for you..

You’re not crazy Dear Stu..you are hurting very badly...We are here for you Stu...

Its up to you on how much or little you want to share..

My kindest and most caring thoughts..

Grandy..

[Dontlikemyself]

Hey 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂
I worked it out. As long as you've got a happy wife, then nothing else matters. Am I right or am I right. Yeah Stu. You got it figured.

[smallwolf]

Hi Stu,

Welcome. I have read your story, what you said etc. It certainly sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment. On top of what you are dealing with for yourself, the family situation was just added to it. I am guessing that from your career in the police force you would have had to control your feelings? I am only guessing here and if you tell me otherwise, I am listening. Part of my problem was that I had spent 30+ years not talking about things that affected me. Finding someone to talk to...well, I am working out how to navigate the ups and downs of life.

The people here are all super supportive and helpful. We all have our own little bag of tricks to help us through.

I read about what you said about your kids. I wonder if they know what is going on for you? Would it help you if you if did more around the house?

Do you talk to your wife much?

I guess the alcohol is your coping mechanism at the moment.

I have probably said too much already. Please know the people here and myself are listening. And you are a good person.

Tim