how to move forward?

[Pelayn]

Hi

Over the last three months i have been doing therapy for the first time for depression. Its been a roller coaster of emotions. My husband has been a great support.

I hit bottom, couldn't go to work and thought id lost my best friend cos of the way I treated her. After her yelling at me down the phone we reconciled.

I've been doing much better the past few days but i still feel like I'm relying on others too much. I get disappointed when friends don't return messages or doesn't initiate contact with me. I am lonely when I'm by myself. I also get jealous when my best friend does things with her other friends. I really really can't go through a repeat of last month.

I want to be happy with my own company and not feel like I'm waiting for people to make contact all the time.

Can anyone share and experiences? ?

[Doolhof]

Hi Julie,

Mary has given you some great advice here. We can not control how other people think or behave, we do have the power to acknowledge how we are feeling and to change our thoughts and views.

Even people with mental health problems, do not always understand or comprehend that other people suffering from mental health concerns have issues of their own.

I had a friend with various mental health issues, I tried to accommodate her quirks and differences. When my depression was very bad, she had no time for my concerns at all and just became upset when I was unable to drive to see her. She was unable to drive.

The friendship went down the tube very quickly. I now remember the good parts of that friendship and have learned to let go of the negativity.

During that time, I made a list of things I enjoy doing and tried to do at least one of those things each day to help make my days more brighter.

If I happen to bump into this lady one day, I will be nice to her, ask her how she is and move on.

Oh yes, this morning we had the Jehovah Witness people at the door. I was in the mood for a chat. We were chatting for about half an hour. Ha. Ha. It is possible to enjoy conversations with complete strangers!

Cheers

[Pelayn]

Hi all. I hope everyone is well.

I Finally got to see my psych on Monday with my husband. I effectively broke down and said i was exhausted and had had enough. So now we're back to basics and i have an hourly plan for each day (which i think someone previously suggested ). I write down one thing to achieve each hour. I'm to prepare it each night for the following day.

I'm now at home on my own for the second day after having my husband around for over a week. I'm happy to say the daily plan is working and i am even achieving a little extra. It includes things like shower, eating lunch, picking up the kids and doing a load of washing. .... I also have a list of things that i used to enjoy doing to try and do each day.

My mood is still very low and I'm not finding enjoyment in much but i believe it will come.

I still have conversations and events running through my head about my Ex-friend but I'm able to not engage with them. My psych described it as white noise. Now i start singing the song White Noise when ever something pops into my head. That makes me smile and makes the thoughts stop. 😊

I feel like I've lost my way and need to find the path again. How to be a wife, a mother, a friend and employee. Thinking too far forwarded is overwhelming.

I have my son's 7th birthday, my dads 70th and a weekend away with overseas friends all before the end of the month. Things i would usually be very excited about. Now I'm thinking 'I'll get through it'.*sigh*. Thankfully things have been quiet leading up to these events.

Unfortunately i feel alone on this journey apart from my husband. My psych said i need to feel and accept my pain and not try to escape it (especially with wine). Life includes pain and escaping it is not the answer. I think I understand what she means. I'm going to try using music when i feel like escaping.

This now feels like a whole other journey to where i started out 5 months ago. I guess starting from the ground up means you can rebuild taking into account what i have learnt about my life over the past few months.

Time for my next task.

Take care all.

Julie

[White_Rose]

Dear Julie

You have started this journey well. Five months ago you were trying to move on from where you were. Now you are moving on from where it all started. It means you are laying good foundations for the rest of your life. Have you ever walked past a house that is being built? Watched it from go to whoa? Do you remember how long it took for the ground to be levelled, ditches for various services to be dug, foundations laid? I watched my house being constructed and it seemed for ever before all the foundation work was completed.

But once this was all completed the house seemed to spring out of the ground. Every day saw an amazing change. Walls were built, roof on, windows put in, plaster put on the inside walls, kitchen and bathroom fittings completed. It was almost like a waving a magic wand over it. Apart from painting and tiling I had a house where I could go in and out and lock the door or choose to have it open. So much in such a short time.

Now you know what I am going to say. The house building is like the work you are doing for and on yourself. The foundations take time to get them done properly and suddenly you can see where you are going and feel light-hearted and free. Just a few bits to arrange (paint) and you have a wonderful home.

So when you feel really down, and I am there at the moment, remind yourself you are digging the foundations for the rest of your life. It will take time to get right and then your new home will spring up.

Mary

[Pelayn]

Hi Mary. Thank you again for your words and your understanding of where I am at especially during your low patch. So very true.

I'm so sorry to hear you are not well and sincerely hope you are feeling better soon.

Julie 🌹

[Doolhof]

Hi Mary,

I'm sorry to read that you are struggling at present. This darn illness is a pest at times isn't it!

I'm hoping you find ways to be gentle on yourself and to slowly walk back into the light and a more peaceful existence.

It can be frustrating when you know how you want to feel, but it is just too difficult to get there!

Sending you much hope that the darkness soon lifts for you.

Love and hugs from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

HiJulie,

Thanks for sharing your struggles and your progress with us.

So many things that you have mentioned that you are finding beneficial, like the daily plan, music, learning about life and finding a new pathway to life, are all things many of us would find beneficial.

When feeling low it can be hard to put these into practise. So I congratulate you on trying so hard to make your life different/better/more enjoyable for yourself and others.

I have been encouraged by your sharing. Thank you.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[White_Rose]

Hello Julie

I have been shockingly neglectful but now I think I am able to cope better. How are you going? How is the house building going? I would love to know what's happening in your life if you are OK about that.

I've had a rough patch and some things are still a bit ucky but on the whole I am making progress. My volunteer work increased for a short while but should be back to normal next week. I hope so.

Please write in again.

Mary

[Pelayn]

Hi Mary

Ive been thinking about writing for a couple of weeks now.

Sorry to hear about your rough patch but glad to hear you're coming out the other side.

Well im now in quite a good place since i last posted. Ive slowly built myself back up. I'm back at work and felt very close to my old self last weekend.

Still having off days. i cried over spilt juice yesterday 😊 But now i know how to take care of myself when these days come along.

Secondly i saw a psychiatrist for a second opinion about 3 weeks ago. He said take a break from my other therapy and get my medication sorted before i continue. He said its too painful without the assistance of medication. I agree. The therapy broke me. The break from it has been good.

Im off all meds tomorrow ready to try my old medication again. Then I'm meeting with the psychiatrist again next week to make a plan. He a lovely older irish dr. Very casual with a sense of humor. Very good at explaining things as well.

My psychologist said last time i saw her she'd like to revisit the friendship that broke down as she feels there is a lot to learn from it. I think the friendship was very similar to my relationship with my mum. In hindsight that friendship stared effecting me about 12 months ago.

I now have some very supportive friends around me that don't trigger my schema at all and im very open with them about my journey.

Great hearing from you. Keep fighting the good fight.

Julie

[White_Rose]

Julie, I am so thrilled by your good news. Your psychiatrist sounds great so keep hold of him. I agree about the medication. It provides a safe base for you to work from.

Yes, unfortunately, we all have bad days but as you have discovered, when we know how to take care of ourselves the bad times are easier to get through and often last for a shorter period of time.

What do you think about giving the psychologist a rest for a while? Does that make sense to you? Also I wonder about feel about revisiting the lost friend. It affected you very deeply earlier in the year. Do you think you have the strength to go back to this, or would it be better to leave it a bit longer. I think we can go back to things once we have more resilience but this is a personal choice and only you know when you are ready for that.

Glad to hear you have found a circle of friends who will support and care for you. Great stuff. I am so pleased for you after all the 'stuff' that has happened over the past year or so.

Please keep us updated.

Mary

[Pelayn]

Hi Mary.

Thank you for your concern. 😊 I'm meeting the psychiatrist on Wednesday to discuss next steps. I will start my old medication on Monday and from memory it took effect quite quickly but we shall see. I will see what he suggests next. He didn't want me talking or thinking about anything heavy till the meds are working. I love that he can prescribe medication.

Something the psychiatrist said which i loved was 'choosing to leave your partner for example is like choosing the chicken or the fish' That made me understood my illness even better as i could relate to that.

He said put a 'fence' up around the thoughts causing pain with a danger sign. Lol. I really have been able to switch off the past few weeks and it has been nice. I haven't had that friend triggering anything.

You are right i am in no way ready to delve into that friendship. Perhaps not for a while. I don't have panic attacks anymore when i have memories poping into my head. I can now move them on and out of my head.

I am still nervous about accidentally running into her in town and I'm not sure how I'll react. I think I'll run in the opposite direction! The nice thing is i have no regrets weighing me down about anything i have done.

I will certainly keep posting about my journey. My trigger is now out of my life but there could always be another around the corner. I will have a better idea of where to next next week.

The good news is none of the friends i reached out to trigger anything which is something i was worried about as we became closer friends. Im not needy or clingy but just happy.

Oh and to all of those who said the joy in things will come back - it did! I now enjoy singing and piano etc etc. So next time i have a rough patch i have that to hold onto.

Once i start writing i cant stop!!!!!

I Hope things continue to improve for you Mary.

Julie.