How do people get through the work week without going crazy with depression?

[Jessksch]

I'm going crazy at the moment: My job sucks so much, I can never save enough for my own home in the future. What are we actually working for? To survive? Why survive a life when we never have time to live.

I just want a house with a garden to have loads of pets, at least then I can work to support them.

Now, I'm renting and not allowed to have pets anywhere, it stresses me out and I have nothing to look forward to in the future. I'm so sick of taking it day by day at the moment, when I'm at work I would rather paint or do crafts, something that gives meaning to myself, but I'm so sick of lowering my bar to find a little sliver of something in the day to day to keep going.

It all sounds like excuses to me to keep going and it's all not good enough anymore for me.

[Wiltingdaisy]

Hi Jessksch,

I can definitely relate to the feeling of going crazy.

I've only been able to work part-time right now because my depression is making working so difficult. 

A lot of us have grown up being fed the dream of life going one predictable way: study, work, marriage, house, kids, retirement...but for so many of us, due to the current world status, are having to grieve for that life. Many of those things are no longer easily obtainable and usually requiring sacrifices of one over the other. 

I certainly don't have any answers for you (if I did, I probably wouldn't be on here either! 🤣), I'm sorry...but I can only offer up the knowledge that suffering is made worse by not being able to speak about it with others. You're not alone in your feelings, and they are all completely valid. You are not going crazy, you are simply reacting to the conditions and pressures of the current world. A world that might be a bit broken and obsessed with all the wrong things, but not all the people in it are so bad. We are trying our best, and it sounds like you are too even though it's a struggle. I'm glad that you have some activities, like painting, that spark some meaning for you. 

Keep reaching out and seeking connection. I'm here to chat if you need.

[Jessksch]

Thank you so much for the reply, it means a lot for you to take a minute for me!

I feel a bit better today but not great as I usually do. I work part-time also because of my depression and thankfully I am able to without suffering in payments. I still feel angry for others though and I guess I need to be a bit more selfish in this case if I'm able to survive.

My partner is working through the bone for us, even though he is not supporting me! And still we are only halfway to a deposit for a house and it has taken almost 10 years. We don't go out or drink or do drugs; lost all of our friends because they all moved back home to save money for a house (my parents are dead and his parents won't allow it).

Not to mention our landlord isn't paying for things to get fixed around our apartment anymore : we had a flooding in our kitchen because the people upstairs decided to use their sink as their garbage disposal, and since it's all connected our sink flooded and destroyed the wood floors. We have tried and tried to get it fixed through our real estate adn they tried to contact the landlord who is just ignoring us. We have ALWAYS paid rent and the rent increase too through the last two years!

Not to mention all rental places now saying no to having pets! Argh....I'm just so angry and have been going to bed at 5pm because my anxiety and depression jsut make me too tired to do anything else.

[Wiltingdaisy]

Hi Jessksch,

I'm glad your feeling a bit better, but I also know that when you have depression 'better' can still mean you are operating at 50% rather than 30%.

I'm also glad you are able to work part-time. The 9-5 work structure, or full time hours, is wrought with so many people grinding away, thinking they are working towards happiness but are only conditioned to think so. It is unfair to ask people to work themselves to an early death when they are promised a good retirement. I personally think it is so important to be able to find happiness in the present moment. Life is never guaranteed, so I try to never take the present moment for granted...it is really all we have when you think about it. 

It is sad that you have lost contact with your friends. A lot of us experience this as we get older and people take/or are forced to take different paths in life. I'm sorry to also hear that you & your partner don't have parental supports at this time, that must be very hard. 

I'm glad that you & your partner are in it together. Tough times can put strains on relationships but they can also forge deeper bonds. I hope that you are both able to find some time to do the things you enjoy together. 

I am frustrated for you, in regard to the landlord situation. My blood boils thinking people can dictate others lives for the sake of 'cleaniless'. Pets are so wonderful, and it is a great shame indeed that many rental places aren't allowed them. 😥

I can see why you are living with such suffering at the moment, and going to bed at 5pm. Sometimes it feels easier to live in our dreams, since being in the present moment means spiralling through the multitude of problems that is the current living crisis. What your landlord is doing doesn't sound right to me. Is there an organisation you can go to that deals with such issues? Also, do you, or are you able to speak with a healthcare professional while all of this is going on?

For me, even on the GP mental health care plan, being able to afford it at the moment is too difficult. I'm trying out this thing called Mindspot, which is a free online course run by therapists, as well as trying really hardcore to get into meditation. I'll let you know if any of that helps!

My only other suggestion is that you might need to try and seek out some new people in your area that you can call 'your tribe'. Meeting new people can feel daunting though...maybe you could join an art & craft class?

Anyways, I'm here with you sitting at the bottom of the well (that is my metaphor for my depression). Sending you all the best vibes across the internet.

Wilting Daisy

[Jessksch]

Hi thank you so much for the reply! I really needed to hear some kind words right now as I'm going through an extreme anxiety attack after work: I feel "prickly" as I like to call it, little things are setting off my anger and my anxiety and I am taking some time now to distract myself to reply.

I am seeing a GP and on medication at the moment, it has worked wonders for controlling my mood however I still had re-accuring thoughts and could not stop my thoughts in the evening.

I went to see my GP and they put me on a different medication and that only sedated me, then another medication and that also just made me physically feel tired , not sedate my thoughts or racing thoughts that turn negative and anxious.

I'm going off of it and it's been a week and it's very hard since my anxieties are through the roof now but thankfully I can understand it is the side effect of quitting them.

I was thinking of just trying out CBD but I think my dr isn't open to the idea and not helping much. I ended up contacting them myself and need a reference from my dr and this all makes me so nervous now that she will even help me since she seemed so against it all.

I am angry and frustrated with my feelings at the moment but trying hard to just go slow and do one thing at a time to not overburden my feelings, spreading jobs through the month to slow things down.

I do hope you will get to see a good doctor to help you; I have tried for years and found there are still some dr whop are difficult but some that are wonderful.

[Wiltingdaisy]

Hi Jessksch,

Yes, finding the right things in treating depression/anxiety can be a real trial and error task. Prickly is such a great word for that feeling. I have an image of an angry echidna growling at people to stay away 🤣 I can certainly relate to that feeling. I'm sorry it has been extreme though, and causing you to ruminate. 

I hope your doctor can see that there might be some benefit in trying the CBD. I know it works for a lot of people. Though they might be hesitant, I can't see them outright denying you. 

Hopefully what you've been going through is just the side effects of coming off the medication. I think it's a good idea to take things one step at a time. Any progress, no matter how slow, is better than none. It's also important to remember that, although feelings can be strong, they are not an indication of who you really are as a person. They just come and go. I try to acknowledge my feelings and ride them out like a wave...finding music to match my mood helps. 

When I'm able to get more hours at work, or maybe get a second job, I might consider going back to a new doctor & therapist. I will just consume a lot of self-help content in the meantime 😂

[Jessksch]

Yeah I just feel like I'm going crazy at the moment: just feel like I'm working towards nothing. Every time I get the motivation to try, I fail again and again and I am so sick of it. Lately I have been so unmotivated and moody and just hate life at the moment. I used to enjoy painting and force myself but still don't feel anything anymore for it. I just hate humanity so much and wish we could just end it all ,we don't deserve to go on.

[Jessksch]

I made an appointment with my psychologist for Thursday. My partner thankfully talked me out and calmed me down, but now I feel so guilty: He is working so hard and I am so upset at myself for not being stronger for him.

[Wiltingdaisy]

Hi Jessksch,

I completely relate. I've been having very similar thoughts as well lately.

My partner has to do a lot of the psychological lifting and I feel so guilty when it's been another week of me neglecting jobs, myself and not leaving my bed or the house. 

What's kept us going is keeping an open dialogue about it. 

He understands the times when I need space, and the times when he might need to do some of the tasks I usually do. I'm such a wreck at times, and I always ask him why he is still with me. 

I guess love means loving someone with all of their short comings or baggage. 

What he wants for me is the ability to love myself. Keep trying to find peace in life. So at the times when things are really dark (which they currently are) and I don't feel like loving myself, I try to think about doing it for him. Or anyone that truly loves you and just wants you to be loved and to be happy.

Wishing you the best in this troubling time. I'm glad you are seeing a psychologist. Keep reaching out

[Jessksch]

I went to see my psychologist last week which helped me get some things out of my system. She made me realize I should be so proud of myself, not guilty for still doing the things I'm doing which I understand are so hard when you are depressed.

Sometimes when I really can't push myself, I sleep for a day or a week, I tell myself I need this rest to recharge. If I don't feel better after a week, I force myself to go and see the psychologist. If it doesn't help talking to her, then to the doctor to change meds.

I hope you will get out of it as well, at least to contribute and help out again. Maybe to make up for it, you can show your appreciation somehow and bake or cook his favourite meal? That's what I do if I have been depressed and my partner would help me out.