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How do I want to get better

Community Member

All I want to do is waste away and avoid everything I’m afraid of. I’m too anxious to see my friends and family, to talk to a professional in any way, too depressed to get out of bed and make any changes.

even something as simple as practicing mindfulness is impossible for me because I stop myself.

how do I find drive to make any step forward?

58 Replies 58

Just that I’m bedridden some days and the only thing I do which is rare is have a long shower and even then it’s not about getting clean. I don’t wash my clothes, brush my teeth or eat properly.

Every girl I talk to has the same fixer mentality so I haven’t seen my girlfriend since I relapsed because that means I have to get my sh*t together as well as take care of my self so I’m at least presentable.

She tells me she’s in love with me after only a short time of dating, she says a lot of things like that. It’s almost too much to believe but I’m also struggling with wanting someone who is more like me, she’s a girly girl who’s very positive, sweet doesn’t do anything “bad” and for some reason though I know she is the type of person you want to be in a relationship with I want someone who is pessimistic like me. Maybe it’s because I’m envious of people who can be content with the simple.

You didn't sound like pushing or pressuring Sleepy. I thought it was a wonderful addition that you mentioned youtube and other things - that's the beauty of multiple perspectives. I think advice giving is fine - as long as it's done as "this has worked for me/others, maybe it could work for you too", rather than "you better do this or you're a chump". I think your response fitted into that first category 🙂

I think it's alright to suggest things - Baileybasil is just at a loss as to what to do at the moment, no matter what is suggested

Yeah I didn’t mean to sound as if I felt pushed.

thanks Here2Talk, that is reassuring. I don't want to push anyone away.
a lot of us here on the forums have tried many, many things to stay well , so i speak as one of those ppl, and i fully know that for myself some things that ppl told em to do didn't work so well, and some did. Love that we can all share and give real-life examples.

i always avoided youtube and pop psychology because i thought it was too fluffy but it ended up being good for me in my own recovery.

Thanks for caring and writing. I'm sorry BaileyBasil about feeling down and am here to listen

Yeah I guess we have all felt that way by people at times (pushed) ... People that mean well often and really really really don't like seeing us distressed - sometimes people that don't mean well. The truth is that no one thing works for everybody, and there are people out there which are never helped...

You're in a bit of a pit at the moment Baileybasil. I'm sorry that life is that way at the moment, that sucks.

The hard thing about depression anxiety is that they are complex - In some cases changes in lifestyle can help, in others medication. But so can having successes in life or rewarding social interaction. In fact, success and and good relationships make us feel good.

I mention all this because the less of these you have lined up, the more likely one is to have anxiety/depression. I have some of these lined up myself - some of them I could really do better at.

I get what you're saying about your girlfriend. Although she does really sound like a dream, I get why you would be a bit... apprehensive or.... skeptical about the way she acts and some of the things she says. Who knows to be honest. Is it almost like you feel a bit... like she's being dishonest or disrespectful (I can't quite find the word I'm after) with you being all positive and happy while you're feeling the opposite?


She acts like me isolating myself is personal to her and she also talks about our and my situation to god knows how many people I know it’s a few. I’m embarrassed and more people know about me than I could know. I guess she just doesn’t get it? Because she’s never experienced what I’m experiencing. I’m also just introverted and enjoy space.

I think medication might help me but I don’t know how to go about it and I also dread the thought of doing everything necessary to set that up.

Even then it takes a while to see results right? Would it give me the boost I need? I feel like a leech in this state not being able to help out.

Yeah well that’s the hard thing about romantic relationships I guess, in a way it is always personal, because it is (usually) a life together - humans need regular meaningful contact with other humans to keep them happy. This is one reason why fly in fly out workers may have strained relationships. But that’s just physical distance; emotional distance is sort of like rejection (not necessarily intentional though)..

The talking to her about your problems I get from both sides - depending on how many people she tells and how much she tells it may be understandable or it may be a bit insensitive to your sense of privacy... As I don’t know much about it I won’t say anymore.

Its still great she’s staying with you when you haven’t seen her for four months - that’s a long time. Do you communicate much with her otherwise- eg text/phone/video call?

Medication might be good. It’s definitely not a cure by itself and everyone responds differently, but combined with working on yourself in other ways could be helpful. To disclose my own experience, I first went on antidepressants about ... 2010, took them for four years, stopped for one or two I can’t remember, and have been on them for the most part of the last 6-7 years with a short break halfway... Interventions tend to work best when you combine them, eg. Medication and psychotherapy, taking care of yourself.

Unfortunately your last psychologist told you to breathe and meditate - which are great things, but without addressing underlying issues is like trying to put a bandaid on a broken bone...

But don’t think you have to go and do everything at once. Maybe medication calms you just enough to work on taking care of yourself and spending some time with your girlfriend, and then some therapy, if you get a better therapist this time, helps a little bit too...

just ideas my friend, hoping that something useful comes out of my mind to grab onto- like sleepy, I’m not here to preach but try and help people suffer a little less

I want to try meds but I’m just too afraid to get back into life and talk to a gp

hi Bailey Basil, getting on medcation does take a lot of thought and steps, the first wouldbe seeing a mental health professional who you trust to dispense them.

because when on meds u really need someone who understands them to monitor if they're working or not

and have open conversations about that. so not to discourage you at all, but i'd say take small steps eg consider finding a doctor yu like or trust and then medication actually be very easy once u have that doctor, if that's the route you want to go to.

They do often take a while to work, some work very quick but can be a little more intense and maybe almost work too good, and can be addictive.
Good luck and hope u find something suitable, be it medication, a gp or something else. I hope u are okay

i understand not wanting to talk to a gp - it can be so hard to talk to medical professionals sometime and hard to find one that you like, and even if you do like them, the whole process can be difficult. I hate even driving to and going to the GP. I feel like it's better in person than telehealth, but with my depression sometimes i struggle to drive and go anywhere to i do telehealth. totally understand that it can be hard in many ways to talk to a gp. hang in there