How do I help loved one?

[bCalm]

Hi all, I am after any good advice. My grilfriend who is usually positive and motivated is in a rough patch. She is out of work and struggling financially. I unfortunately have been through the same deal but have managed to land some work now and am starting to recover financially. However I am limited in what I can do for her financially still, and to make matters worse we live interstate to each other, we try and catch up every couple of weeks around mainly my off week for my kids visit times. 

She has been down for some time, but is getting worse. I have been through previous down times with her due to death in the family or work stress, and I believe I am a good listener and have some understanding of her feelings. She is not scared of talking to professionals and has been to counselling in the past but not yet in this case. She has been to her doctor and he has prescribed an antidepressant. She has never been on medicine during our time together, so I am anxious about this. She has been on this for 2-3 weeks and is now constantly tired, is still down, not able to see light at end of tunnel and hard to talk to, very emotional, easily upset, crying, I think even borderline statements about suicide a couple of times, such as "I just want to go to sleep and not wake up". Its really hard to feel like I'm helping at all from the other end of the phone. I'm just listening, comforting and encouraging as best as I can. Her regular doctor is away for a couple more weeks, but I think she needs to get the medication reviewed and start seeing a counsellor asap. I might be able to get some friends to drop into her a little too. Not sure, what do you experienced or qualified people think? Any advice?

[Neil_1]

Hi bCalm

Great that you've come on here and you will receive good support and advice from the other super people who frequent this site.

First of all, I am concerned where you say that she may have suicidal tendancies and please, in these situations, it's far far better to be over-reacting and super cautious than to brush it by the way side, and I'm so pleased that you've mentioned this.

You say you listen, comfort and encourage, etc ... when she has said statements like wanting to sleep and not wake up, I think if she expresses something like that in the future, if you could please work in to your response, obviously how deeply concerned you are and to give her the contact numbers for places such as Lifeline (131114) or Beyond Blue crisis line (1300 22 4636).  This so important.

You are so right in your thinking about her needing her medications to be reviewed.  Yes, it's only been a short time for her to be on them, but it would be good to have her GP available so she can go back to them to tell them how she is feeling.  Which obviously sounds that she's not in a good place at all.

Is there any possibility that you two can move to be together.  She doesn't currently have a job where she is ... would there be any hope that she could pick up work if she moved to where you are?  Just listening to myself there, that would be the ultimate ideal outcome, so you could be there for her all the time.  You sound like such a brilliant support for her ...

bCalm, I'll send this off now and hope that I've been able to help in some small way for you ... but please see if you can address the first issue that I raised or even if she's 'possibly' considering something terrible, to get her to make a pact with you ... that she HAS to phone you if she gets to a very dark and terrible place.

I'm thinking of you (and of course your girlfriend) and we hope to hear from you as soon as you feel able,

Kind regards

Neil

[guest75]

hi bCalm,

I was told when i first went onto anti depressants, that they take a minimum of 2 weeks to start working (and up to 6 weeks).  So if she has only been on them for 2-3 weeks, it could be a little while longer

If you guys are living interstate from each other at the moment, and she is not working, is it possible for her to move in with you even for a short term basis? Being around someone who loves and cares for her could help her in this situation? It wouldnt need to be permanent, even if it was for just a few weeks? Not sure if its possible but just something i thought may help

Hope that helped

Matty

[Teddas]

bCalm that is a tough situation with the distance thrown in.

Let me start with this, l am not an expert, just a sufferer of depression so have some experience.

Firstly the medication. It can take a while to get the balance/dosage right but even if doc is away should go and describe where she is at regarding tiredness etc. They willadjust it accordingly. Took some time for me so know it can take slight adjustments.

Get Skype or something similar. I find it way better when can she a person and then she could SEE the concern and care you obviously have.

Keep communication open but there is a fine line where youdon't want to push her to much. Just reminder her you are there for her, Google some inspirational quotes and send her one every now and then.

Financially and job wise l'm not really sure but there are lots of web sites for employment out there, maybe help her look.

Communication is the key. Give advice if asked for but keep listening.

Please keep in touch on here too.

Hope that was some help. Good luck

[bCalm]

Wow Thanks Matty, now I remember she was told that there would be that lag, and whilst we had thought about a permanent move, I hadn't considered a temporary move like you suggested, thanks for the perspective!

[bCalm]

Thanks Teddas and Neil. Your replies only just came through today, wasn't ignoring you guys. Teddas, I must be doing something half right because I was I am doing I think everything you suggested from Skype, to quotes to looking for jobs too, and I know to listen and let here talk about her feelings and validate them more than offer advice or solutions. So thanks for validating my actions so far.

Neil, yeah it worries me totally. And its such a scary thing to bring up and I don't want to upset her or make more anxious about it all, but I like your idea of a pact and thanks for the numbers. The moving thing will be discussed, as she is coming up for a few days, booked her flights last night.  

Thanks everyone.

[Neil_1]

Hi bCalm  

That is sounding like a better place that you’re in now … and I’m super pleased to hear that she is coming to spend some time with you. 

During that time you should be able to see how she’s going, kind of first hand.  

And also, if you feel the need to come back here for anything please know that you can do so at anytime … plus you know, I’d love to hear how things are going with you anyway.  

Cheers  

Neil