Helping mother with depression

[chelpformum]

I'm 18 and my mother is 46 and for the past 6 years my mum has had severe depression. 2 months ago I moved 3 hours away to go to university, leaving her alone. I feel bad about this but also know its right for my future. Over the past week, she has told me she has no motivation to do anything (walk the dogs, go to the shop, clean the house) and she feels extremely bad about this. She also has no job and no friends. This upsets her immensely as she wants a job yet is unsure that she will ever get one as it has been many years since her last employment. She gets very upset and sometimes states that she no longer wants to be alive and is only here for me. She struggles with alcohol and buys it when she goes to the shop, then gets very sick and falls back into a pit of depression. This makes her afraid to go to the shop and meet people as she thinks she will ruin all her friendships when she is drunk. I just want to know how I can help her, she won't see a psychologist and has no car to get to the doctors to go on another antidepressant (3 different ones tried and still no results.) She has no friends to talk to about this other than me and I feel so unable to help her.

Please, I need your advice as I love her more than anything and would do anything to make her be happy again.

[Ggrand]

Hello chelpformum,

Welcome to our friendly and caring BB forums.

Im really so very sorry that your mum is struggling so hard and that it's making you very concerned for her.

Depression tends to want us to isolate ourselves from other people, unfortunately in my opinion it's so very hard to for your mum to get well without professional help.

I was wondering if you could talk to her and try to convince her that she needs the help of professionals, even if possible you could go with your mum so she wouldn't feel so alone and anxious..Anti depressants are really trial and error, there are a lot of ad meds and sometimes it takes trying a few different ones until the right ones are found that best heal her.

I tried for years to handle my depression on my own and only continued to get worse, once I got on the Mental Health Care Plan and started meds and councilling I started to heal..In my opinion it's so very hard to heal without help.

Does your mum have any interests like, arts, craft, bingo, darts, etc that she could join?

I can relate to your mum not wanting to go out, depression drags us down and all motivation is lost..

What I do, is I try to keep myself busy to keep the negative thoughts away, that's why I suggested the groups..

Im sorry I can't suggest any thing with the alcohol as I've never really struggled there, but I'm thinking that by drinking your mum is trying to numb her depression, which really it's adding to her struggles..

I can hear that this is also effecting you as well, Please chelpformum, you need to look after your health as well, caring for your mum with Mental Health Problems may also make you unwell with worry..

I feel until your mum gets her mh under control getting a job will be really hard for her..I'm sorry but I really cannot stress enough about trying to get your mum some help..Im certain that a few more people will call into your thread and offer some advise and suggestions as well.

Please feel free to post, talk here any time you feel up to it,

I really hope that things can work out for you both..

Kind and caring thoughts,

Grandy..

[chelpformum]

Thank you so much for your reply Grandy, you have sad many helpful things.

I am going home for 2 months very soon so I think at that point I will try to convince her that groups and professional help can be good for her.

She does have some interests, I just think a lot of them have been lost within her depression if that makes sense, but I hope I can help her take interest in them and distract her mind.

I thank you again for your helpful comment, I really appreciate it and I'm sure I will take you up on the offer to chat when things become tough.

Caring thoughts straight back to you!

[Doolhof]

Hi chelpformum,

Welcome to the community here on the forum. I see that Grandy has sent you a wonderful message.

Just to add to what Grandy has already mentioned, I would like to suggest that you call Beyond blue on 1300 22 4636 and have a chat with the support people. They may well be able to make suggestions on how you can help your Mum further and may be able to provide you with details of organisations in your region you r Mum may be able to access.

The forum also has a wonderful information section, you may find more ideas there. You can ask for the information to be sent to you as well.

I have depression and other mental health issues, I find the more I read about them the better I understand. Hopefully some of the resources here will enlighten you and also your Mum.

Caring for your Mum is so admirable, I also hope yo are looking out for yourself and you will seek personal help if you need it.

Alcoholics Anonymous may have some information or strategies that may help your Mum as well. I don't know much about how they work, but you could phone them or Google them.

Wishing both you and your Mum well. Cheers from Dools

[chelpformum]

Thank you for your message dools, I will make use of these ideas and definitely call beyond blue before I go back to see my mum again.