health prof finding that no one understands

[jn54]

Hi I'm new here. I'm a twenty something health professional with a pretty 'normal' life but am finding it harder to deal with how I am feeling. Since I was a teenager I have always felt unhappy inside (suicidal thoughts were prevalent during teenage years but I know it would never eventuate) however I lead a pretty 'happy' life. Did ok in school, got into a profession my Asian parents are proud of (and I am of too I guess ),  recently engaged with the perfect partner of 12 years... but I'm finding it hard to confide in anyone.  I have mentioned to a couple of close friends and my partner whether they think I might be depressed but they don't think so and seem to just dismiss it. I am fully functioning,  just am never happy inside,  but have days where I feel like there is no purpose and feelings of low self worth etc.  I have also found that although extroverted, im gradually disliking social outings, particularly those with my fiances huge group of friends. Im not very good at articulating myself but just wanted to let it out to someone. I am afraid to seek help and for now am just seeking some self help first. Sorry its all muddled but I Guess its a Start.  

[Alyx]

Hi jn54, 

U won't believe it but i am in ALMOST the same situation as u are in. I am a twenty-something health professional with asian parents with what may appear to most people to be a happy life. I am newly-wed with a stable job. I had 'mild' suicidal thoughts when i was as young as 12yo, I am very self conscious and most days I find no purpose in life.

The difference between you and me is that I know that I have experienced depression and anxiety. I have sought help 2 years ago - my best friend suffered from major depression and she recommended her doctor who is familiar with depression/anxiety and asian pressures.  He then referred me to a psychologist who helped me figure out the cause of my anxiety (i was more anxious than depressed at the time) which helped incredibly because once u find out the cause, u know how to deal with the issue better.

I was getting major anxiety due to work. I was anxious that something would happen at work, e.g. the computer will break down, customers will yell at me, my boss will be unimpressed with my work, my staff will not be productive and i will get into trouble etc. Every night I would dread going to work and find it hard to go to sleep. Waking up to go to work was extremely hard and once I was at work, I would feel so down and unenthusiastic, but I had to appear happy and normal in order to serve customers. My muscles were extremely tense, my heart beat too fast, little things would send me into a frenzy.

The cause of my problem was that my mum always made me feel like I was useless, not good enough, never met her expectations........and so I felt I could never be good enough at work. My psychologist explained that the beliefs that I had as a child is carried into my adulthood. She named those negative beliefs "Deidre" and said, "If Deidre pops into your head, tell her to shut up." 

It has helped lessen the anxiety but I had to quit that job as the role was not right for me in my state (it still isn't). 

TBC

[Alyx]

(Con't)

I am not in that state anymore but it hasn't gone away completely. I stopped going to the psychologist after 1 year as I felt that I had improved, I found sessions repetitive and draining and it was expensive. I still am still trying to find purpose to life (who isn't?) and still battling with self-esteem issues, and issues with my mum and family. My doctor thinks that I need at least 3 years if counselling to help and I know he is right. I am currently seeking programs/activities to build up my self-esteem and assertiveness and probably increase my EQ too. 

I don't know if my story helps u, but I would definitely recommend speaking to a GP as a first step. You have nothing to lose by talking to a GP. You may find that your partner and friends and family do not understand, or you may actually find someone who does understand (I believe the statistic is 1 in 3 people have experienced anxiety/depression in their lifetime and we are in the most common age group).

Good luck!

[Mares73]

Dear jn54 I can imagine being a health professional that it would be difficult to accept & seek help when you find yourself experiencing symptoms of depression. I can offer one suggestion that came to mind. On this site is a list of GPS who specialize in treating depression & are recommended by Beyond Blue. You could find one in your area or further away if you wish. They would understand the position you are in. I guess I'm suggesting this because you'd be seeing an expert & whilst you may feel you have only "lowgrade" symptoms, it may be wise to see someone in case your symptoms worsen. You could see it as a preventative method given you are now noticing more symptoms.  And if it was suggested that you take an antidepressant you don't need to tell anyone unless you wish to. Remember the GP is bound by confidentiality & seeing one recommended by Beyond Blue may put your mind at ease about finding the right Dr. I'm sure your thinking of your options & weighing up your symptoms to decide at what point you may seek help. With depression as you would know it's best to address it as soon as you can.  I wish you the best & hope you will let us know how you get on. And remember we are always here to offer our support. Lve Mares x