Glass Walls

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi all, 

The old thread was getting a bit long, so I thought time to start a new. 

I thought the same with this weekend - I did my new patterns of blue and purple, wore the beautiful black and gold dress. I went to the convention I normally go to in costume. Just for one day, not in costume. It is the first time since my separation from the ex, whom I went in cosplay with. It is the first time catching up with people who I haven't seen since the break up. 

Or I thought I would.  I went and shopped a very little as I have big bills this week. I took the anti anxiety meds, tried to squash the shakes and  held up the mask for the kids. The feeling wasn't good though. I tried talking to a few friends in the costume community I bumped into but it was like they didn't even know me. They soon made excuses and left. I know its busy, they see lots of people and there are so many crowds, but it felt like they just barely recognised me, and when they did they couldn't wait to leave. 

I looked around, and it felt like I was surrounded by glass walls. Like now that everyone on my friends list knows about my depression, how bad it got, etc they don't want to know me. I asked how they were, I didn't bring it up.

I just feel dejected, and lonely, like I have no friends in the world. Like they don't care. I am irritable and not good around the kids, so I am hiding in my doona listening to a podcast. I'm really alone in this now aren't I? I say I keep going for my cats, for my little Elsa.

I hold on to the thought of watching her grow up, because  I can find no other reasons to stay.

GA

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Geoff, 

I didn't expect to be divorced at 25, but I never expected to be married at 20 either. Hell,  I thought with my extreme Introversion that I would never be able to stand living with someone else. So I was as surprised as any when I found someone who just didn't hit my introvert radar, at least not until depression started kicking in. 

So you are right in that we just don't know where our lives will take us. I wish it was a sunnier path than the one I am walking, but I guess I don't really get to choose that. I make the best choices I can, as limited options are presented to me, and survive the best I can. 

I did text her back this morning,  just saying hi and asking how she was going. No mention of the previous incident.

I am a little scared of seeing a neurologist. I know its a smart thing, but I just don't know what they'll say and it scares me. I don't even know what to expect. I guess I should ask my gp next week.

GA

[--Danny--]

Hi GA, I would most definately text back but this time keep your cards close to your chest...especially if you catch up with her again. Like Geoff said, it is great news that you're going to see a neurologist. You're doing all the right things & keeping positive..GA, you are doing well!! Day by day mate, no rush ey 

Danny

[geoff]

dear GA, not be scared of seeing the neurologist, they will probably want to do some tests which are all harmless and don't hurt one bit.

To be honest and I'm not meaning to upset you when I say this, but I hope that they do find something wrong, because then you will be put on medication to stop the seizures, and when this happens you will be seizure free.

The neurologist is just another person, 2 legs, 2 arms and have been trained to assist people like you and me in being able to be free from these awful seizures.

Please don't worry OK. L Geoff. x

[Mares73]

Hi GA as usual no matter what's going on you show such strength & courage-I wish I could convince you of that. Hey I just wanted to tell you I got a 8wk old cavoodle pup (king Charles cavalier x poodle). He is so cute like a little teddy bear face. Now my challenge is toilet training as my husband didn't want a dog & the compromise was I'd do everything for him especially toilet training. The puppy called Marlo seems to go toilet anywhere in house even though I take him outside every hour. Any tips? Lve Mary xxx

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi All, 

I am still nervous about seeing one, mainly out of the fear that they will find  something, or worse they will find nothing wrong. I almost hope something will be evident too, Geoff, as it will be a concrete certainty of this is the problem and this is how we treat it. Even if it is hard to live with, knowing is better than not knowing.

In other big news, the ex has backed down on the claims of debts. Seems the letter from the lawyer worked. He still didn't admit he was wrong, and had one last dig at me in the final email, implying that he had been waving the debts in my face in order to keep my at arms length and now I had told him I don't want to see him, he diddn't need to do that anymore. I didn't expect any different really. He is never going to admit he was wrong, or that he has issues, or that it was him who couldn't leave me alone. 

Either way, he is now going to leave me alone, and until ten months from now when we have to finalise it, I don't have to see him again. Its weird. I feel lost almost. Like when I first said I wanted a divorce, the first few hours and days I just didn't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to do with myself now. I feel like I am free, or lighter, having been released from a weight, or a worry I didn't know was there. I feel like laughing out loud or running in the street. 

It is 5 am in the morning and raining outside, not to mention very dark, so I won't do those things. But I do feel like I should celebrate somehow. I just don't know how. Its like my mind keeps searching for that weight, and finding its not there, it doesn't know what to do. 

Its weird, I'll tell you that. Nothing I can't adjust to. Just weird.

GA

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Mares,

I forgot to add, awesome on you getting a puppy. Cavoodles are gorgeous. Pets really can make such a difference. My little Elsa is all over me this morning, probably because she only had to wake me up once for food and because its quite cold. I'll accept the kitten cuddles all the same, regardless of reason.

As for toilet training, I have less experience with puppies than kittens. I do know however that a friend of mine used things called puppy pads to catch the deposits where they often went. She was using it for her 20 year old cat who was very sick and incontinent, but they are designed for puppies. They are just absorbant pads which you can stick on the floor, if there are spots the puppy goes frequently. 

Short of catching them in the act and taking them outside, I don't know what else to suggest. I have had cats and adult dogs all my life, but haven't had puppies since I was 8 and I don't remember much. A quick google search tells me some tips however.

Puppies do tend to go to the bathroom, much like kittens, after they eat and in the morning so try take him/her out regularly then. Unlike kittens, they also tend to go when excited so if it has just been playing, or is excited when you get home, take them out then. The other thing you can do is use a cue word like wee wees or business when you do see them go in front of you, and reward them for doing it when they do. Don't use good boy as a cue, because then everytime you praise it for something else, it will want to go to the bathroom. Also don't punish it for going inside, it will just not want to go in front of you.

On one of the other threads, a user here called fifi bas 8 puppies, maybe she can help?

How are you going otherwise?

GA

[Bridge]

WOO HOO!!!!

Amazing what a lawyers letter can do.  sorts the sheep from the bullies in no time at all.  I am SO pleased.  This is really terrific news.

Time to move on!  Yayyyyyyy!

This is sounding like a much better week- meadows, departing debt collecting madmen, kittens growing, neurologist appointments.  About time some better stuff happened.  Im really pleased.

Im walking around with a big stupid goofy grin on my face!

and with your neurologist, you dont have to do what they suggest.  just get them to do some tests and get some info.  you dont have to Do or Take anything. unless you want to.  But extra info could help you make the best choices for yourself.

Mares- my puppy isnt toilet trained either (yet) although hes getting better at it. The dog trainer said to me to take him out first thing in the morning, as soon as hes finished eating, drinking, playing or sleeping (which is a lot) PLUS if he doesnt go when you take him out, take him out 5-10 minutes later again, and keep doing it until he does.

so, I spend an inordinate amount of time outside in the cold in my slippers peering through the gloom trying to see or hear if the pup is peeing. such fun.

however, he is also crate trained, (thank god) so i can pop him in there and he wont pee or poop in there cos its too small and he doesnt want to wet his bed.  Which is handy as long as he doesnt get left in there longer than his little bladder can cope with (which would be really mean).  However at 13 weeks he can sleep through the night now.  Im not sure how long 8 week old pups can go for between toilet stops.  also i know hes not going to chew power cords or chase the cat while hes in there.  so i can shower in peace, while he chews something tasty or has his brekky.

To tell you the truth, i dont know how you toilet train a dog.  I just battle away at it for a while and things usually improve, more or less, over time. But,  the worse its going, the cleaner the floors are!  its a pain.

it is truly amazing how much pee and poo can be stored inside one little pup.

Bridge

[Girl_Anachronism]

Just a quick update:

Today remained good, got an appointment with the dentist and the problem tooth is now gone.  Slept a few hours after, then had energy so managed to go for my normal hour long walk round the river. It was raining so I didn't stop in my meadow long, but the rain was refreshing and cleansing somehow. 

Any who, just thlught I would post and say good days happen too, even if it doesn't seem that they happen often enough

GA

[Jo3]

Hey GA

I am smiling as I read your post.  I am so proud of you.

Positive steps GA, that is so good,

Take care

Jo xx

[--Danny--]

Hi GA, I'm glad you had a good day..take all the wins you can! I'm so happy you are doing better. Keep up the good work. 

Danny