Feeling so alone

[SherlockandWatson96]

I’ve recently been dealing with issues regarding my friends where I feel like I’m putting in so much work to make them happy and I get nothing in return. Not even a “how are you today?” I’ve recently also just disclosed that I was sexually assaulted when I was younger and when I told them that it all seemed fine. Now I’m basically been told to try harder and be a better friend but my friends don’t seem to do it in return. Because of that I’ve had a severe bouts of anxiety and now depression. I feel so alone because it just doesn’t seem like if I die tonight that I would be missed and that anyone would care that I’m gone. My friends have said before they can notice when I’m depressed. So why haven’t they noticed and even asked if I’m ok? It’s not for a lack of trying on my park either. I’ve explained that I need (even the smallest) amount of validation and still I get nothing. I just feel like shit and don’t want to be here anymore. 

[geoff]

Hello SherlockandWatson, it's awful that you had to experience this abuse while you were young, because it does change not only how you feel now, but also how you can approach future relationships.

When you give everything to the people you know, but get nothing in return, then these people aren't really your 'friend', but just acquaintances, because real friends always help each other.

This must be so disappointing for you, especially when they have noticed that you suffer from anxiety and depression and that's when they should offer you all the help you need.

There is much you are trying to overcome, but acquaintances aren't going to sincerely help you and please encourage you to first talk with your doctor who can offer you a 'mental health plan', which will entitle you to 20 Medicare paid sessions to see a psychologist.

If this happens can I suggest you write down what you can remember on some paper in point form, because if you write a letter then important points can easily be lost.

Take care.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[therising]

Hi SherlockandWatson96

I feel for you so deeply with you having experienced such terrible trauma when you were younger as well as the fallout from that, as well as you now facing questioning whether your friends are true friends, on top of depression and anxiety. That's a lot to be facing all at once.

I think we can have people in life we call friends but when we need them as next level friends they may not rise to the occasion. Whether they lack understanding/an education in what we're facing or they lack the ability to feel life as deeply as we do or they lack the maturity and experience to help manage, there can be a variety of reasons.

I love your name by the way, for I've found much in life (in the way of great challenge) can come down to some serious detective work. In every significant challenge there are plenty of questions and plenty of clues. For example: 'Are these the friends I can rely on for solid support?'. The clues are there. Next question may be: 'Who do I need or what circle of people do I need for this high level challenge I now face? What types of people will be able to relate to what I face?'. Like any detective with good instinct, you followed your instinct and here you are meeting with people who can relate to mental health challenges and how deeply such challenges can be felt. Keep in mind, Sherlock Holmes' 4 greatest attributes as a detective would have to be 1) the ability to open his mind, 2) his strong desire to become more conscious, 3) his ability to not doubt himself and 4) the good instincts that come with a lack of self doubt.

As you now begin to detect and establish a circle of people who can feel for you and support you, who can you think of that you'd like to add to this circle? As Geoff suggests, maybe a psychologist or perhaps you've got a relative you can rely on. Maybe adding people who are survivors of sexual assault and who have some solid guidance in the ways of developing into a powerful survivor could be the way to go.

No one should be left alone to feel the pain and darkness that comes with the depths of depression. From my own experience, it can feel soul destroying when faced alone❤️

[SherlockandWatson96]

Hi Geoff

Thanks for taking the time to reach out with advice. I am lucky I do have a therapist who is lovely and helpful and I am on medication to help a bit. Writing down letters is something I haven’t done yet. I’ll give it a go! 

Thanks so much 

SherlockandWatson 

[SherlockandWatson96]

Hi therising 

Thanks for reaching out. It’s unfortunate to say but I thought my friends were next level friends so it’s a bit of a betrayal that I’m working through. It also happened around the time I disclosed to them so it even harder. Haha thanks so much, Sherlock Holmes just speaks to me although I never thought of it the way you described. I think that brings everything into perspective. I have been thinking about reaching out and going to mental health meetings in person to feel like I’m surrounded by similar people and mindsets. I hope that I can find like minded people who relate to me. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to send your message. 

Cheers 

SherlockandWatson

[ecomama]

Dear SherlockandWatson, great username btw lol. 

I've had this conversation so many times with my own friends & my own family re: feeling like we're unsupported by friends. 

I'm old lol, I've seen a lot, been through a lot too. If ONLY there was a Guide book heading us in a straight line through all the twists & turns life can bring us. There's not. 

Firstly, I'm so sorry for the sexual abuse you experienced as a child. Hugs, hugs, more hugs. 
Your journey from this point of realisation & disclosure is a WHOLE path in itself, but one winding through your life as you move forward. 
And you WILL move forward. 

(I've learnt alot about supporting my own children through this, so we can talk about points if you choose to). SO glad to hear you have a therapist. 

Then there's the friends we've told this to. 
Expressing this with the greatest empathy and love I can show.... we just can't expect friends to know how to deal with this stuff. Not how to respond (to our satisfaction), not know how to support us etc etc... 
It's likely to be so alien to them that they can't. 

And as so many people do, they run from it, hide from it, ignore or sweep it under the rug. 
Apparently people do this because they're scared. 
Confronting issues like these is very scary for others. 

Which can lead us to feel alone, isolated in our thoughts because we feel isolated by our own experiences. 
In reality we're not isolated or alone. We just may feel that way. 

Please don't think that your friends don't love and care for you! 
They probably do! 

I'd hesitate to "throw the baby out with the bath water" with these relationships that over a lifetime of many varied experiences, they may just be the longstanding ones - over time that is. 

Remember that NO ONE is perfect, we aren't, they aren't. 
We can forgive them for not being perfect in their responses to us. 
They're just humans getting on with life, like we are. 

 Love EM

[jaz28]

Hi there,

First of all - you would be missed. Your family and all those who love you for who you are will miss you. We will miss you here. You do not need to leave this world. I know it seems hard right now, it is. But, there is light at the end of the tunnel. We all go through hardships and struggles with friendships. A lot of the time, experiences like this help us to realise who our real friends are. Maybe it would be better for your mental health and stability if you were not around these friends? It is daunting, that you would have to walk away and that loneliness may be increased. But, it can be freeing to rid yourself of toxicity and the feeling that you are not being heard or respected. Instead of focusing your energy on these friends who do not give back and do not seem to respect your feelings, maybe you could switch your energy into finding better friends or turning to your family, who will shower you with love. Trust me, I have had friends like this in the past, it was hard to walk away at first, but once I did I found some of the best people and friends in my life now. If I did not walk away, I would not have found them. Life is a constant cycle of relationships and friendships - people come and go, and teach you lessons along the way. You will not be alone forever, you just have to make the effort at first to meet new people - I know this is easier said than done but whoever is meant for you will come to you in due time, just trust in that.

Please stay here to see the light and know that things WILL get better, please trust and come back here anytime if you need any more words of support, we are always here in some form or another.

You are worth so much more and you deserve to feel loved and supported, sometimes it is a hard journey to find the "good eggs" and the keepers in your life. Bad eggs certainly pop up along this journey, and whilst that's difficult, it teaches us what we deserve and what to avoid in the future. If you see a psychologist to help with your depression, it might be good to discuss this with them.

Please reach out if you need anything.

Jaz xx

[SherlockandWatson96]

Hi again EM 

Thanks for reaching out. I think it’s definitely something I need to work through and learn to trust again. But just knowing that other people have had similar things happen helps to bring things into perspective. 

[SherlockandWatson96]

Hi Jaz

Thanks for reaching out. These friends are my roommates so it does make it a little more difficult but I’m trying to figure it out. I don’t believe that they are toxic, just that they are not being good friends and that makes me feel alone, sad and a little betrayed. I am trying to reach out to other friends and even go to support group meetings to find people that can support me. Thanks so much for just being an ear to listen.