Feeling More Than Sad

[Droid]

I am new on here and I am not sure where to start really. My feelings of anxiety and hopelessness are very overwhelming, I know that much.

I have been drinking heavily quite lately, usually on my days off. I drink to block out past events in my life and I am causing a lot of hurt to my beautiful wife.

When I am alone, I cry an awful lot and hate myself for being like this.

Please help!

[Zeal]

Hi Droid,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear that you are very anxious and feel hopeless. Have you talked to your wife about how you're feeling? Even if you are confused yourself, telling your wife how you feel (even if you don't know why) is important. Being honest and open will help both of you. Your wife will feel informed and might be better able to help you emotionally, and you will feel some relief in having told her what's going on. If you've already done this, then that's great!

The heavy drinking you do alone is concerning. It is important for you to make an appointment with your GP about this, and also to discuss the anxiety and feelings of hopelessness. Though it will be emotionally uncomfortable, the past events you block out need to be talked through. In the long-term, working through these issues with your GP (or a psychologist they can refer you to) will enable you to overcome some of your anxiety and emotional turmoil.

Please try to not be ashamed of crying. It is a good way to release negative emotions naturally. Don't worry if your wife sees you cry - she will just want to support you and won't think any less of you. If I saw my boyfriend cry, that would be my reaction, and would be the reaction of many loving and supportive partners/wives etc.

Seeing your GP is an important first step. If you think it might help you, write a short list of issues/symptoms you wish to discuss in the appointment. This way, if you get overwhelmed, you have the option of being prompted by what you have written, and can even hand the list to your doctor. I've done this before, and I found it beneficial.

I hope you are able to get good help.

Best wishes,

SM

[Droid]

Hi SM,

Thanks for the post. I have spoken with a psychologist in the past, worked out a way to deal with my historical issues but quitting alcohol is proving to be most difficult.

[Guest_1055]

Hello Droid

I can definitely relate to the overwhelming emotion of the feeling of hopelessness. I have felt that many many times. You are not alone in this, so  I hope by you knowing that,  it may bring you some hope.

Even though I do not struggle with the drinking issue,  I do know what it is like to just want to block out everything , or escape. Escape or block out from whatever it is that is hurting you. Or block out all the issues in your life that feel so hard to actually face. Sometimes it feels just too much and like you say overwhelming. And you would do anything to find relief. So I am guessing for you it is the drinking. For me it is something else.

Please don't hate yourself Droid, some people in this world say crying is a sign off weakness. But I think it is a lie. If we were not meant to cry, then why is the human body capable of shedding tears??? 

Anyway thank you for listening to me ramble on,and I just wanted to reply to you in hope that you would know, that you are not alone and that it is truly a sign of pure strength to cry. Hope that you feel better soon. And now I am wondering, if the true reason you came to beyond blue, is because of your love for your beautiful wife, you don't want to hurt her anymore. If that is the reason, that just shouts to me " strength".

With hugs

Shelley anne