Do I hate my life due to depression or am I depressed due to my life.

[Aussieonblue]

Hi

Firstly thank you everyone for just being here.

I am currently diagnosed with depression and taking medication.

As per the heading, I am trying to work out, am I depressed because I do not like my current situation or do I not like my life because I am depressed?

I have a good job, make good money, have a good house and a good relationship. But I hate my job, I hate the city I live in and just do not like the things we do. I have become a hermit and really only leave the house to go to work and social events I can not find an excuse to avoid.

I am counting the days to my “early retirement” so I can get out of here, but 2.5 years seems to far away and it was when I considered other ways out I visited my GP.

My partner knows how I feel, but she is happy in her own world and gets annoyed by my excuses and “lazyness”.

Becasue of my “comfortable” situation no one canundetstand why I am unhappy.

Would changing my life make me happy or will depression just follow me into a new life and make me hate that one too?

Thanks for listening.

Cheers

Craig

[JessF]

Hello Craig,

I think you've said some really interesting things in your post and asked some good questions. I've found on reflection in my life that depression was not a magical virus that floated in and destroyed an already perfect life, but a symptom of deeper things going on.

It's interesting especially that you say you have a 'good' job, but in the same sentence that you hate it. How can it be good if you hate it? Unless by using the word 'good' to describe it (which you use a lot in your post), you are really saying good by the standards of other people, or good by the standards of how you 'should' be feeling.

Think about the hours in your day. You hate your job - there's eight hours (at least) gone. You hate the things you do outside of work, and you hate the city you live in. That's the rest of the hours. I can't imagine anyone finding it easy to be happy when their job, surroundings and social life are not appealing to them.

Would depression follow you if you changed your life? I don't think there are easy solutions to 'fixing' depression. But I believe you would have a good chance of improving if you changed your life in a way that suited what you really value and what really fulfils you. Have you had time to sit and think about what that life might look like?

[Croix]

Dear Aussieonblue~

The way you put things it sounds on the surface to be a bit of 'chicken and egg' situation, life is depressing, or depression poisons life.

If one starts by realizing firstly that life does not always hand us the best of situations but that coping with them and finding enjoyment is entirely possible. Secondly that depression skews one's thoughts until only hurt, black, hopelessness remain and all the good things are non-existent. As Jess says it does not destroy a perfect life, I do think however it stops one from dealing with what one has.

As you say your life appears reasonable but you are desperately unhappy. I'm guessing but think you might have gone to the doctor because you had started to have suicidal thoughts as an alternative to keeping going - please forgive me if I've misunderstood.

So I'd see the first thing to try to address is the depression. I know you said you are under treatment. If it is not working please go back and discuss the matter with your doctor, it may well need modification to be more effective.

If you were able to change how you felt then I suspect may of the things you hate and feel almost unbearable would not appear so daunting, and you might then have the mental resources to cope better ,and find things to enjoy.

If any aspects of your life are unsatisfactory then changing them when you have perspective and not just desperate for everything to stop would seem sensible.

Retirement is a goal, but is an empty thing unless you have realistic ideas of what you want to do instead of work. True when one is unhappy simply stopping the cause seems the most important thing. What happens after is really equally important.

As Jess asked, can you envisage what a better life might have in it? Perhaps there are some things you can do now that do not involve major upheavals. I've found regular activities I enjoy and take my mind away from regular life are most necessary. They gave me a feeling of well being and are there for me to look forward to each day. I use exercise, book, movies, taking with my partner, pets and other things.

What sort of activities do you like -or have in the past?

Croix

[Aussieonblue]

Hi Jess and Croix

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

Jess, the point you make regarding a job I hate not being a “good” job hits the nail on the head perfectly, but I guess I am currently “trapped” by financial commitments (loans) and responsibilities in my relationship (it would be unfair of me to not take responsibility to help support us).

I have very clear ideas of what I want to do in my retirement, and I think the desire to get started on these endevours is making it harder to bare my current situation.

I am able to cope with all situations when I “have” too, but I prefer to avoid anything I can, including work (I work from home as much as I can).

Thank you again for listening and taking the tome to respond.