No motivation

[Guest_7659]

Hi, I am a new member. This is my first post.

I am struggling with motivation even though I have a full time job that I love. I am motivated when I am at work, but when I am at home I often struggle to do simple things like putting on a load of washing.

I am 37 years old, single and have no children. I live alone because I love peace and quiet.

I have a "to do" list which is never even close to being finished. I just feel like I can't be bothered, and I am tired most of the time. However, overall I am disappointed with myself for not getting things done.

Symptoms suggest that I have moderate depression. Please don't tell me to go to a GP. I was on antidepressants for 6 years (2011 to 2017). I stopped taking them about six months ago - against medical advice. I was sick of the side effects (low sex drive and difficulty to orgasm). Also, since stopping the meds, I have noticed very little change in mood. I have had problems with fatigue and motivation for many years.

I had a blood test less than two months ago which was normal. I.e. iron, B12, blood sugar etc. are all within the healthy range. I am also quite fit and regularly ride a push bike (1-2 times a week). But I used to cycle a lot more.

Has anyone here had a similar experience and was able to get their motivation back? How did you do it?

Thanks for reading.

[Just Sara]

Hello and welcome to our caring BB forum community Miff;

It takes a lot of guts to reach out as you have, so kudos my friend! You've provided a really good background to your situation which makes it easier for us to respond. Thanks for this, it's really helpful and hopefully will prove a positive experience.

Your life sounds pretty well rounded considering the motivation issue. I'm wondering if personal goals might rekindle passion inside you? Do you have someone special in your life? Intimacy can get those feel-good chemicals racing too.

When I joined BB in 2015, I was a lost soul floating aimlessly thru my days/nights. My life was changed by chatting with others on here. I applied to become a volunteer peer supporter and have been here ever since. I now have a sense of purpose and value in my community.

Being able to help others was what I needed to compensate for being medically retired. I'd worked all my life in the govt sector and lost that sense of belonging. I now consider myself in recovery from a severe breakdown that left me helpless and damaged.

Not having children or a family to call your own can hit home during your 30's. It's sort of a rite of passage for people. Not having that influence in your world could be something to ponder. Sometimes, inner stirrings don't become 'visible' until we explore things during sessions with a psych or counsellor. Have you considered therapy?

Btw, I'm not a professional; I'm just writing from personal insight and experience.

I'm assuming you're referring to side affects of a particular anti depressant. (Z? or similar chemical make-up) This isn't uncommon unfortunately, so I totally understand your decision. As you're still working and contributing to your life positively, I (personally speaking) wouldn't worry about medication.

Please come back and chat Miffi. The benefits could be more than you realise.

Lovely to meet you; hope I've helped.

Sez

[MsPurple]

HI Miffi and welcome to the forums

I hear you. I find some days I can't do anything but the basics. Work, eat and lay in bed (sometimes sleep is hard). Sometimes depression and anxiety want to kick you when you are already down. I find it comes and goes in waves too

Now you don't want me to say go to your gp. I am am only gonna say one thing about medication. You say you have been on medication and it didn't help. For me I was placed on one and was on it for a while, it took me a while to finally speak up to the right doctor and say they were not working. If this was as good as the meds make it, it is still crappy. They decided to change my meds and it has helped me out a lot. Now I am not saying meds are for you. They are not for everyone and it is your decision. And yes side affects vs benefits is a huge issues and I struggled with it for a while. I am only saying this to let you know others have been in the same boat and you get too chose whether to continue on meds or not and that is ok.

It is really good that you have come on the forums to get some advice. I found it really hard the first time I came on here. It is a good safe space to chat to like people. I still struggle with motivation. I try remind myself that it is ok to not be ok. I find when I am having a not ok day I try not to put too much pressure on myself to do too many jobs. I try to do more of the jobs on the to do list on days I am feeling better. It can be really hard to be kind to yourself when you feel like you are not accomplishing as much as thought you should. BUt I try remind myself that it is the just the depression/anxiety talking and I re-set my goals to make them more achievable.

I hope this has helped. I am happy to just have a chat. I am hoping my med talk and some gp talk hasn't frustrated you. I know how frustrating it is to go to your doctor and feel like it isn't helping. It is understandable that you may want a break from it all

[Guest_7659]

Hi Sez,

Thank you for your detailed reply.

I think your suggestion about goals is a good one. I will write some down and see how I go.

One thing I forgot to mention is that I have very few friends. So this makes it even harder to motivate myself to do things on the weekend, because I don't have anyone calling me and asking "want to catch up?". My closest friend is my ex husband (strange I know), but he is a workaholic and has very little time for me.

I don't have anyone special in my life. The closest to that I have is a married man who I see occasionally. And because he is taken it will never be any more than that.

I have more or less given up on finding a partner. I am very set in my ways now, and I am eccentric to say the least (for privacy reasons I am not going to go into detail about this). I will just say that I am not mainstream, and finding a partner has never been easy for me. I have spent most of my adult life as a single person. It's who I am.

As for children, I have never wanted them. I am childless by choice. This is another reason why it's difficult for me to find a partner.

Yes, I have tried therapy and never got much out of it. I have seen at least five different psychologists. Most of the time, the conversation just goes around in circles and doesn't get anywhere. Most of these professionals (in my experience) don't know how to help me, but won't say it. I get the feeling that they just want me to keep coming in so that they can continue to make $$.

One example (of my experience in therapy) is talking about my problem of severe clutter and hoarding. I couldn't have people over because I was embarrassed about the mess.

I spoke to five different psychologists about it, and not one of them came up with anything useful. They just ended up getting frustrated with me and saying things like "just clean it up". I wasn't expecting them to wave a magic wand and make everything all better. But what is the point of seeing a psychologist if they can't tell you anything that a non-psychologist couldn't?

As for the hoarding and clutter, it is (somewhat) sorted out. In the end, I realised myself what the reason was - and was able to find the courage to clean up and get rid of things that I don't need.

The problem now, is that I moved to a new place six weeks ago, and I still haven't unpacked! I have only unpacked essential items.

I think I know what "Z" is, but no, it wasn't that.

Thanks again for your help.

[Guest_7659]

Hi MsPurple,

Thanks for your reply.

I have already tried at least four different antidepressants, and they all affected my sex drive.

In the short term (up to 12 months), I think antidepressants have their benefits. After that, it seems like the "bandaid" effect wears off, and the real issue is this: you are not facing the problem. Antidepressants mask the symptoms, but they don't solve the problem. I want the problem fixed once and for all.

The reason why I don't want to see a GP is because I know that all he/she will do is prescribe more meds, and (perhaps) refer me to a psychologist. And (as I mentioned in another reply), I don't want to see a psychologist either.

[MsPurple]

HI Miffi

thanks for coming back so soon 🙂

I do agree with you. I think people think that medication is meant to solve everything. Some people do use it as a bandaid. I myself use it as a tool along with therapy, physical activity and the occasional meditation session. I try work on myself and also the issues. For me medication will not solve that but it has helped me get out of a really bad place.

It can be hard to find something that works for you. Have you ever tried meditation. I found it helpful to help increase my self love. I use the free section of the phone app called 'calm'

[Just Sara]

Hey again Miffi;

I thought I'd squeeze another post in before calling it a night seeing as you replied so quickly. I'm glad you're a talker. 🙂 It's nice to read thru your thoughts and engage.

My psychologist doesn't have all the answers either, but she refers me when I hit a difficult issue; eg...a sex therapist. I've even been to see a forensic clinical psych. She was amazing!

In your case, researching a therapist who specialises in hoarding could pay dividends. They may not be in your area, but these days Skype can prove very reliable if you don't want to travel.

I understand what you mean by dealing with the underlying issue. I realised recently I'd been purchasing items to do my home up, but never got around to it. A lot of money and nothing substantive to show for it. I've had to steer clear of shops, especially Bunning's. lol For me it's been an avoidance of specific tasks that scare me.

If you want to talk about it on here, please don't hesitate ok. This is a really safe, incognito and non judgemental environment to purge, chat or have a discussion.

I like that you're eccentric. It's interesting meeting people from different backgrounds. I'm assuming hoarding's part of that eccentricity?

I don't have many friends either. Recovery meant I had to let people go as they contributed to my anxiety and trust issues. My family are close by, but I try to limit contact. You can't pick your family yeah..

Anyway, must go. Hope you have a great day at work. Till next time;

Sez

[Guest_7659]

I haven't tried meditation in a long time. I have already installed the app, I will give it a go soon. Thanks for the suggestion.

[Guest_7659]

There is no point in me seeing a therapist RE hoarding now, because the problem has been solved. Strange that the psychologists never referred me to someone else. It could have been because I didn't actually tell them I was a hoarder, because I didn't know I was (that's part of the illness). I told them that "I have a severe problem with clutter - my place is so messy that I am embarrassed to have people over. I know I need to clean it up, but I just don't have the motivation, and I can't understand why".

They may have thought I was exaggerating. I have noticed that some people (particularly women) get very embarrassed when people see their place in a mess - even a slight mess. What is a huge mess to one person, is "nothing" to another.

I always thought that a "hoarder" was someone who goes around picking up junk from the side of the road and bringing it home, and ends up with stuff right up to the ceilings. But that is extreme hoarding. Basically, if you keep something that you never use, just because you think you will need it "one day", that is a hoarded item.

So anyway, a few months ago when I was sorting through boxes of crap and clutter, I realised just how sick I used to be. Things which now look to me like rubbish, (or perhaps an op shop donation), once appeared very valuable to me. It was liberating to get rid of it.

I had never once considered my hoarding/clutter to be part of what makes me eccentric. No, not that.

Thanks for your reply - have a great night.

[Just Sara]

Hey Miffi;

I don't recall ever reading a thread dedicated to hoarding. If you're up for it, please create one as your experience and insight might catch the eye of onlookers. I'm not trying to push you into anything mind you. It's just that your intellect and writing style comes across really well. I acknowledge it may be too close to home to help others.

Some of the girls on here had a discussion about untidy homes recently. They used the terms 'chair-robe' and 'floor-robe'. I had a good laugh.

I used to go out with a man who hoarded beyond textbook veracity. He paid for a warehouse to hold aluminium cans, his home was full of old newspapers and one bedroom had so many cardboard boxes in it, I couldn't see the ceiling or get inside. This didn't perturb me too much until he began talking about moving in together.

I don't consider myself a hoarder, but I think there was a propensity there. I'm sorry to harp about this; I don't think I realised just how much I used shopping to avoid and compensate until I read your words.

You said you don't have any friends to speak of; are you opposed to making friends? I know you mentioned your home being a factor, but as this isn't an issue anymore, are you considering exploring the prospect?

My last attempt at friendship was a letdown. I met a woman thru post op rehab services and we met up after my need for help was over. The 2nd time we had coffee, she told me she was an ex H addict, had been in prison and had huge welfare/abuse issues with her daughter and grandkids.

I'm open to people moving on, but my MH was limited dealing with complex issues such as these. So I stopped contact.

I'm not great with group mentality either. I've tended to become really involved, then people begin to back-stab and complain in front of me. Damn toxic and not conducive to recovery I'm afraid. So I stay away from groups.

I hope you don't mind me talking about myself. I thought it might give you an idea of who I am/was.

Thanks for your well wishes too. Looking forward to chatting;

Sez