Difficulty managing everything

craft24 · ‎23-11-2016

Hi everyone, this is my first time here and things are getting a bit hard for me so I just wanted to open up I guess.

I'm from the UK originally and about 5 years or so ago a doctor diagnosed me with depression. She wasn't my usual doctor and I didn't want to go onto any medication so I just accepted it and tried to manage by myself. Shortly after that I met my now fiancee and things improved.

We've never had a great sex life which is mainly down to me and my general lack of intimacy. It sucks because I do enjoy it, just can't instigate or get really involved, but recently it's become so bad she's talking about not wanting to be in the relationship anymore. We had a baby 4 months ago so that changed things a lot, we have moved house, emigrated here a year ago (she's Australian) and I am the sole income earner on not a great salary with hardly anything left over after bills, etc.

So basically money, relationships stuff and life pressures have been my stresses, and I can feel the depression coming back heavily. It's always popped up now and again but I've manged to deal with it, but I think this might be the last straw. I've booked in with my GP on Friday to see if there's anything I can do, but I'm worried I'm going to loose her. I don't enjoy my job, which she knows and wants me to leave it, and I feel like this is adding to the problem. I would quit today if I could but I have too much responsibility and it doesn't look like the government would help.

I guess I don't really have a question, just wanted to talk about what's happening. With emigration I don't have my family and friends around so feel quite isolated and haven't had much luck making new friends since being here. Today has been hard after this talk of ending the relationship, which I don't want to do obviously, hopefully all of this is tied together somehow and I can get help.

white knight · ‎23-11-2016

Hi craft, thanks for being honest and open

Mefication is a helping hand for some if us and ud GI further...it's essential to many. Without it you are avoiding one of the key helpers to you being tolerable for your carer, your wife .

We get thus story regularly but u and many ithers here are proof that medication work...it just takes perseverance, the right type then the right dose for you.

Its sad its come to thus because not only is your wife and you on a bumpy road but you child us also going to pay a price.

For what its worth I'll tell you what I'd do.

Id tell my wife I need treatment to overcome the intimacy issue and go on any medication prescribed. I'll do whatever it takes to please her because she's suffered enough.

This might all seem harsh from me, but with a change if approach it could save the future of your family unit.

Your job is a job, find one that suits you both.

Sometimes we have to eat humble pie. Be submissive. I think you know what you need to do. Good luck.

james1 · ‎23-11-2016

Hey craft24,

Welcome to the forums! It sounds like you have a lot of stressors at the moment and that can be really overwhelming. I'm not sure where to start, but I think one of the big personal stressors seems to be this relationship.

I don't want to probe too much but perhaps it would be good to have a think about what is contributing to the desire to end the relationship. Is it just the money and sex issue or are there other issues that are perhaps also contributing and need to be addressed?

I think seeing the GP as a first step is a good idea, but you could also look at counselling, both individual and couple. You obviously care very much for your partner and child, so I'm really glad that you've come here to tell us a little bit about yourself.

Please feel free to reply if you want. It'd be great to hear how your GP appointment goes.

James

Ellu · ‎23-11-2016

Dear craft24,

Welcome to our community! Sometimes just talking things over or writing them out helps. I lived overseas for 6 years so I know how you feel without family and friendship support. You have certainly have several life-altering experiences lately, and I imagine you are feeling pretty stressed by it all

Going to see your GP is a wonderful first step. You can evaluate your depression, and if necessary go on medication to keep it under control. While you are there, ask your GP about relationship counselling. You can go along alone or (better still) with your partner. I went through a bad patch in my marriage a few years ago and marriage guidance (relationship counselling) really helped us to talk freely about our issues and work on doing something about them.

Your lack of sex drive might well be related to depression. Don't forget to mention this to your GP as well, as there are many options for you.

Your work related problems are an issue, but first of all work on yourself and your relationship. Once you have got on top of these things you can tackle work. Having a young baby is very demanding for both you and your partner. You are way up there on the stress scale. But go to your GP and ask for help. If he/she is not helpful, then go and see another GP! You need help and support, and your GP is the place to start.

I hope in future posts I will read that things are going much better for you. I wish you well,

Ellu

Starwolf · ‎24-11-2016

A warm welcome to you...

Complex issues, involving several aspects of life can easily become overwhelming. Big problems can be resolved by breaking them into small pieces and tackling one at a time.

You have no family / friends support so isolation makes it all more difficult. Struggling alone is too hard. It is also unnecessary. A GP can refer you to a counselor or therapist with whom you can talk in depth about the issues you are up against. The mind is too complicated a maze to negotiate without a guide. Depression plays havoc with brain mechanism. Like any other medical condition, it requires professional attention and treatment.

Kudos to you for making the proactive decision to book an appointment. When your partner sees you are taking determined and courageous steps towards healing the situation, she may well decide to give the relationship another chance. With help, support and patient work things can and will get better.

I hope this will be the new beginning you both need and deserve.

craft24 · ‎27-11-2016

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your kind words! I think the other day was particularly hard and we have talked things over since then. We are really good together and we both know it, I think it would be too hard to break up even if we wanted to. She is supporting me in what I'm doing and the GP appointment went really well.

He prescribed me some tablets and gave me a referral to a psychologist which is a great first step. Last time I was diagnosed I really didn't want to try medication and we are both still a bit concerned this time but we have to try everything so I'm giving them a go. Both the GP and the pharmacist were really friendly and helpful which was nice, as I say I don't have much of a support network so anyone who takes the time to talk to me is good!

This week has been a rollercoaster but I'm feeling much more positive now. The daily stresses of money, work and babies will be a phase two I think. Thanks everyone 🙂

Starwolf · ‎27-11-2016

Thank you so much for letting us know this painful situation has eased. It is good to know you have followed through with the brave decision to talk with a GP. Also that you have had a helpful conversation with your fiancee.

Medication takes a while to kick in. Sometimes it takes a few attempts to get it right but a start has been made and both your feet are now on the path towards healing. A significant victory...well done !