Depression from work

[Lisa-27_91]

• so I work in the hospitality industry for the last 8 years, I love my job but I keep getting moved to different venues this year, I am on my 4th. This last venue I have been treated really badly, no appreciation, my roster has no work life balance. I have 2 kids 5 and 7 years old, if I have to take time off to look after them I am made to feel guilty and belittled, I have been told that my time off to took after kids is unacceptable. Being at this venue has made me loose my self confidence and I'm slowly sliding into depression.

[Croix]

Dear Lisa-27_91~

Welcome here to the Forum, a good place to meet people that have had similar problems.

It sounds like you are very unlucky with your latest venue. Looking after your kids has to come first in any situation and any boss that does not understand that is not much of a human being.  Being made to feel guilty or unacceptable is a reflection on them not you.

With eight  years in the industry you must have been valued before, and your family needs accommodated. With four moves in the last year has something changed? Have you changed firms for instance?

Rather than taking notice of unfeeling peole can you think more about the job you are doing as a parent? Love and attention makes kids thrive, one could not ask for more.

I guess I'll ask the obvious question, is there any chance you either get your roster changed or even move to another venue? If there is someone in the company that is on your side the roster change or change of venue could be a possibility. Any chance of that? Perhaps if the organization is large enough it might have an H&R section to look after employees welfare. I don't know enough of you  circumstances to know if that is likely.

It is worth a lot of trouble to find a job that is at least OK. I made the mistake of staying in one that  was downright impossible and ended up unable to work, with depression and anxiety being two of my problems. No job is worth that. Are there other possible jobs you could look for while still working?

I also wonder if you are doing this all alone or have someone else to support you , family or a friend  perhaps? Not being alone in these sorts of circumstances can help sometimes practically, sometimes just to let you speak frankly.

Would you like to come back and talk more?

Croix

[TBR]

Hey Lisa, this is so common a scenario, a company that doesn't appreciate a good worker who has a life outside of work with all that entails. so many companies don't respect or value their workers but think that by belittling them and making them feel as if they are doing something wrong by simply doing something outside of work such as looking after your kids makes them a liability and that being off work is unacceptable. 

They are so wrong and its not you that's at fault or guilty of some terrible crime but the company.  

Is there someone at work you can trust in management (would be rare lol) you can talk to about your situation.

Is there another company you can work for after explaining your situation, There's a saying that you work to live and not live to work. If this job and its poor management is making you feel so bad that your loosing your self confidence and depressed what are your options.

Im in a situation not the same as you but also involves bad management and lack of care and compassion so i understand what your going though.

[therising]

Hi Lisa

Always a challenge when we can feel judgemental, intolerant and depressing people. For you to have a collection of them in one place must be a massive challenge. I think the more of those people we have in one place, the more we can be led to self doubt. On the other hand, if you were surrounded by people who could all completely relate to the need to take time off for the kids, you'd be supported by a group of people who'd have your back and maybe even have an occasional laugh over the insanity of gaining a healthy work/life balance while being a parent. Being a mum myself, now to older kids, I found the last job I was in to be incredibly supportive because the people I worked with could relate. Can't help but wonder whether a number of the people you work with either don't have kids or they're not the primary carer of their kids. While some employers avoid employing mothers or primary carers, especially of young kids (based on the need for time off), other employers love to have mums or primary carers of children as a part of the team, based on their nature. You know the nature of a mum or primary carer: Adaptable with the open minded ability to think outside the square, patient, a team player, a multi tasker, good work ethic etc.

Wondering if you're in a financial position to reform the work/life balance, whether you're a part of a dual income family or whether you're working so hard to manage everything on your own. Either way, I think we all have our breaking point when there's a serious and sometimes depressing lack of really good support.