Depression and Alcohol

[Mickii]

Hi Everyone. I am interested to hear about your experience with alcohol and depression. I self medicate with alcohol. Maybe I am an alcoholic but I don't know. I know when I drink I feel better mentally but non physically, I can mix with people and feel I am happier. I am worried about how much I drink though...never more than one bottle of wine a night, but often every night.I would like to give up alcohol but am scared if I do I will not be able to mix with people anymore....I am interested in any feedback. Thank you.

[Sophie_M]

 Hi Sadie23,
 
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences around depression and drinking.
 
Have you been able to have a conversation with your psych or your GP around your medication and drinking?
 
They may be able to prescribe something different while you are struggling with alcohol usage in order to avoid any dangerous side effects.

[Sadie23]

Thanks for you reply Sophie. I must admit I very much downplayed my alcohol consumption as I have faced unpleasant and unhelpful judgement from many health professionals including my former psych. I have had depression for almost 50 years and have used alcohol to cope on and off for the last 5 years. I consider my main issues to be depression and anxiety and want health professionals to be able to focus on them.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Sadie23,
 
Thank you for your response. We understand your hesitation based upon your previous experiences of disclosing your alcohol usage. However, we would strongly recommend having a discussion with your psych or your GP about your medication if there is potential reaction with alcohol or any other medication. You always have the right to ask for a second opinion or an alternative medication if you feel your current medication is unsuitable.

 

[Lost_hope]

Hi Sadie

I also don't tell my psychiatrist when I have drinking relapses as I don't need to be told for the 100th time that drinking while on these medications can make the medication not work properly and can have adverse effects when mixed with alcohol, well perhaps if they could come up with a medication that actually works then we still wouldn't need to drink to free our minds for 30 minutes, we are well aware we are selling our soul to the devil but people that don't know why we do it could never understand. We heap enough guilt on ourselves for it, we don't need it from others also. I have gone through stages when I don't drink at all ( I'm going through one now ) and luckily my job requires me to be 00 so I some how manage to keep it under control but its always there waiting for that moment of weakness. I'm not allowed to mention specific meds on here but your psych can give you meds to help with alcohol cravings. I also don't consider myself an alcoholic, I consider my relationship with alcohol to be complicated. Don't beat yourself up over it, I have battled depression for 26 years and at the age of 42 I feel its getting harder to pull myself out of that black hole each time, psychiatrists answer is more or different drugs but they don't have to deal with the side effects or withdrawals if you want to stop them and psychologists talk to you about identifying why you are the way you are but talk therapy is like taking a sling shot to a nuclear war when you suffer chronic mdd and anxiety. If you want to listen to some great psychology on the relationship between mental illness and drug/alcohol dependancy have a listen to Gabor Mate, my favourite line he uses which resinates with me is " don't ask why the addiction, ask why the pain " I'm sorry we were cursed with this disease, I've often said to people who try to talk to me about it, I wish I could hold your hand for just a minute and you would feel what I feel and see the way I see the world and feel how hard I fight everyday to get better or be better but on most days to just merely exist and survive the day so I can go to bed, unfortunately for me I don't get much peace there either , although I sleep well my demons just follow me into my dreams so I wake up exhausted ready to fight another day. Writing this has made me start crying, even though I'm a fit 42 year old man who most people would have no idea of the torture my own mind is putting me through most days.

[Sadie23]

Thank you so much for such a powerful post. I feel so much better for having read it. It brought tears to my eyes. I am sorry that you are feeling that way too.

[geoff]

Hello Everyone, I wasn't sure who to address this to, as all the replies have been very good.

I do love this quote ' don't ask why the addiction, ask why the pain', because as soon as we come home, our first thought is 'a drink will pick me up', and once this happens a huge sigh of relief overcomes us, but it keeps on going till we've drunk more than expected and then start to feel the consequences that alcohol gives us, the sadness returns, this is different to having a few drinks with friends where we laugh and have a joke, but this can turn unexpectedly if something is said against us.

When we are asked by our doctor/psych how much do we drink, do we honestly tell them, probably not because we don't want to be told once again, it's no good for your liver and your medication doesn't work as it should, so we lie, keep it a secret and hide the alcohol so we won't be blamed for drinking everything that was in the frig and the more we get criticised the more we hide and if we are caught, then the label sticks, you're an alcoholic and not 'why do you need to drink', that's when the relationship/marriage suddenly changes.

Geoff.

[mmMekitty]

Just a thought, it seemed to me, in the moment I was reaching for the bottle, I was already avoiding asking myself why I wanted that drink right now, but instead, focusing my attention upon the goal of oblivion. A neat bit of fancy footwork that.

It was only after I stopped drinking that I really began to examine why I had been in the first place.

It was bleeping hard, several difficulties I was not wanting to deal with, lots and lots of raging memories and emotions, feeling overwhelmed. I would not have begun to work through the lot if I had continued drinking.

Finally being offered anti-depressants may have been why I even considered how I could or would keep drinking. So, I must thank that PDr for at least that much. I decided to give the anti-depressants as good a chance to be effective as I could, so the drink had to go.

Over the time of my 'experimentation' with a few anti-depressants, I learned somehow to accept my emotions, to begin to examine the memories, to just be human.

Later I had wondered if the anti-depressants I was using were really doing anything for me. So, with the help of my current PDr, I slowly reduced how much I took, and eventually stopped using them. There were some odd tingly feelings, and I was easily startled, quite a bit for a while, but that declined. Apparently these things are about my anxiety, which the anti-depressants may have been calming, while the depression remained the same.

Okay, I think. I am familiar with my depression. I've lived with it for almost fifty years, maybe. In a sense, I work around it, despite it, I don't know. I see it, and say, 'you again, I know you'. I acknowledge it only, that's all. If I can just keep treading water, keeping my head above the surface... that's what matters now.

I don't know how I have survived through some things. Stubborn, or I got really angry, or just that with time, the things simply don't have so devastating an impact upon my daily life. Or maybe, as I get into my mid sixties & my memory is getting so bad that I am not recalling everything as frequently...that would actually be okay, so long as I don't end up with emotional outbursts, which I am unable to relate back to any specific memory, temporarily unavailable to me. That is a separate source of frustration I will have to work on.

I wish everyone here even a moment of gentle calmness & peace of mind, if only to show it is attainable.

mmMekitty

[Mickii]

Thank you for your post. Sometimes I feel no one can understand. Your post reminds me that I am not alone. I just wish there was an easier answer....I feel my demons are everywhere.

[Mickii]

Thank you for your honesty. I also google that question. 'Am I an alcoholic?' Still don't know for sure, but what I do know is I feel I can not function socially without alcohol. So I was invited to lunch today...to celebrate NSW opening. I went. I didn't drink. When I got home I was so consumed with exhaustion...I slept...and then I opened my bottle wine. I see my alcohol pattern, it is like my medication against the world....the problem is it opens the door for all the other demons that are knocking.

[Mickii]

Thank you for replying. Alcohol is my resource to feel normal. Without it I feel misfit with other people. Without it I feel funny and normal. My issue now is I drink alone.....just to feel relaxed. It helps me sleep...it is what makes me be honest with myself..and I like that.