Confused

[Bezz]

Ok, so I've never written anything before but I'm not sure where else to turn.

Ive been suffering severely for nearly 5 years now. I was a successful builder up until then running my own company with a young family at my feet.

In 2013 I was admitted into hospital with severe anxiety and depression and have been unable to work since.

My wife is now our income earner and I am the stay at home dad. Something I'm really struggling with and have a huge amount of guilt about. My depression seems to never have really gone away with me having been in and out of hospital and trying every drug under the sun.

I guess I'm just wondering if there are any other guys out there going through anything similar because when I look at what my male friends and family are doing and achieving in life I feel hopeless and alone

[blondguy]

Hi Bezz

Im Paul and welcome to the forums and good on you for having the courage to post too!

You are one of many that also have been in hospital with the mongrel anxiety/depression. I understand where you are coming from after having both since 1983 when I was 23.

If I was a builder (successful or not) and was at home being a stay at home dad I would be proud of it

I admire what you do during the day as it takes a lot more guts than wearing a tool belt and a de walt drill on the hip. I looked after my daughter when she was a baby/toddler as my anxiety was spiking through the roof and couldnt work either. My ex brought home the bacon.

I think you have done well by being a stay at home dad. Dont forget that there are many stay at home dads that have too much anxiety to care for the kids....

Guilt is a pain....I understand....yet its still a man made emotion compared to the severity of chronic anxiety or depression which are partially chemically based in nature

This is my 21st year on antidepressants (and I am pro meds at all) and they have given me a solid platform on which I could heal more effectively using super regular counseling. They are great value but not a fix all. We do need the regular therapy to heal.

You are achieving more than you know by doing what you are Bezz.

You have done really well by posting such a great topic Bezz......The forums are a judgemental free and safe zone where you can post.

There is no judgement here...just support from gentle people that can be here for you

Depression does last a long time....I agree with you there Bezz. The severity of it can be decreased with ongoing meds and regular counseling.

I am only a volunteer here but I have 90% of my peace of mind back by doing so.....Its a rocky road though Bezz...I hear you there for sure!

you are not alone here Bezz in any shape or form

this is your thread and I hope you can ask any questions you wish. There is no judgement here...just support 🙂

my best

Paul

[CMF]

Hi Bezz and welcome,

I'm sorry to hear of your suffering. I am a female and i have to say to stay home and look after your kids, you are one cool dad! I can understand why you feel guilty as society tells us the male is the breadwinner and the female is the home maker, but that is old school. You didn't ask to be struck down with anxiety and depression so please don't feel guilty. How does your wife feel about being the breadwinner? Is she ok with the role swap?

We are all guilty of comparing ourselves others. You look at your friends and see what they are achieving but staying at home looking after kids is a very underestimated role, it's not all fun and games. How old are your kids?

Some dads barely lift a finger for their kids, you are not hopeless, not at all,you are a legend.

cmf

[kanga_brumby]

G'day Bezz like Paul I have had several jobs. Always thought it was the mothers job to raise the kids. Well my partner even if she could look after the children. It was thrown at me because my partner had a disability and couldn't. So it was my job to look after her and the children. Now after 18 years if someone asked me if I would change any of it. HELL NO the only thing I would change is my partner getting cancer, she died. That's the only change the work was hard the rewards were worth it. Every sleepless night parent teacher meeting, scraped knee, nits, broken arms or legs. Mind you we could have done without the broken bones. The great escape on one occasion, almost getting drowned. These were the bad times. But the pay backs at there 21st will make it all worth while. Embarrassment time.

Also it is now more the norm for dads to be the home bodies. Hell even my brother in law did it when his boys were at school, they are now in there mid to late twenties now. So Robinso Caruso your not. We are here to stay "house dads and proud."

Kanga.................... Peter

[Bezz]

Hi CMF

Thanks for your post.

My wife is happy to be the bread winner and just wants me to look after the house and kids. So I'm very lucky to have her support. My children are 12,10 and 8.

Some days I struggle to even look after these guys. I guess I feel like I am a failure and people think I am a no hope now that I don't have a job.

[CMF]

Hey Bezz,

It's great that your wife is supportive. You mentioned you sometimes struggle to look after them. Is this because of anxiety/depression or because you feel a failure?

I've learnt not to worry what others think. They don't know your true journey and how it has affected you. Do you see a gp/counsellor at all?

You're not a failure at all, believe me. You do have a job, bringing up 3 kids, the most important job. You may not get up in the morning and leave the house for work but you are doing something important and you are a good role model for your kids being there for them.

cmf