What is wrong with me?!

[Leilee]

My mum moved away to sydney with my youngest brother when i was 20 and left my middle brother who was 18. He was horrible and very abusive when he drunk which was every weekend. I worked over 50hrs a week managing a busy hair salon and weekend's i was pretty much always working so when it came to Friday night's i knew i was in for it and also did my mum as i would ring and ring her for help because he's having a party or wont turn the music down etc etc. Not once did she come to help or fixed the situation let a lot listen. Now fast forward to age 27 it's happening again. I am left with the house and she move away but this time she has met the man of her dreams. I have a lot a pressure on me at the moment with owning my own business and making ends me especially with rent (living in sydney sucks). Im over my job but im stuck in it because i can't get out because of the money. Mum sold our house our only security and moved 4 hours away. That house she sold she bought from the house that we sold with our abusive stepfather. The house that we were abused in while she watched just so "we could have a better life". Yet she sells "our better life" for her new man that i have onlt met 3 times within 2 years. I have a lot i issues i know regarding my mother. She doesn't understand. I only broke down a few weeks ago to her about all my feelings, emotions and issue's that i have with life and with her and her words where "can't you move on and just get over it". And that has stuck to me. What's wrong with me. Why can't i let go of everything and everyone that's every hurt me. Why can't i forgive the word's that they have said or haven't said. Why can't i just better happy. I don't even know if this will make sense i just needed write something down. Thank you

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Leilee,

Relationships are super hard and it does sound like you're struggling to communicate with your mother and there are lots of unresolved issues there. Do you have another family member who you could talk to about this? Often relationship counselling really works for problems between people, or perhaps you could see a psychologist in order to have an objective source who will give you advice, you deserve that.

There is nothing wrong with you at all. I really think talking this out with someone else would really help. Sorry I couldn't help so much, but I wish you the very best and I really want you to know there's nothing wrong with you.

[White_Rose]

Dear Leilee

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. It's good that you have found your way here and had the courage to tell us your story. We have our own ideas on what constitutes a good life and they do not always mix well with others. I am so sorry you had an abusive childhood. No child should be expected to go through that sort of ordeal and especially not when your mother knew what was happening. You have a great many difficulties to overcome and you cannot be expected to simply to 'move on'. It doesn't work like that. No one can do that and to expect that you will do so simply shows a lack of care and understanding for you.

I am suggesting you make a long appointment with your GP and tell him/her your story. If you can, write down the main points of your life, including the abuse. You can read it out to the GP or simply hand it over for him/her to read. At the moment you really have no relationship with your mom and trying to make her understand will not work. She has closed her mind and eyes to all the previous abuse so is hardly likely to change now.

I think you do need professional help to get through all this and come out the other side able to live your life in the way you, and everyone else, were meant to. Why can't i let go of everything and everyone that's every hurt me. Why can't i forgive the word's that they have said or haven't said. Why can't i just better happy. Because it doesn't work that way. It's just like expecting to heal yourself when you have a broken leg. Left alone you will heal but probably with disastrous results. It's the same with your mental health. You can believe you have put it behind you but it will come back again and again.

Sorry to tell you these hard things. I don't want to hurt or discourage you. I want you to heal from all the hurts you have suffered, to believe in yourself and know you are a worthwhile and lovely person. So please start the process with a visit to your GP who will take it from there.

Come back and tell us about yourself, talk about what makes you happy. On the BB Social Zone you will find virtual cafes where you can chat to others about anything other than mental health or play one of the games on that forum.

Mary