Compounded depression.

[Infinite_Faith]

Hi, I've been a member of Beyond Blue for several years, although, it's been sometime since I have logged into my account. I have been battling my problems alone. Now I am back because, I'm really feeling a new low. Just when you think things can't get any worse and the only way from the bottom is up - bang something else in life punches in you face. This was another of those days. It would be nice to connect with someone on here that understands what it's like to suffer depression, someone that you don't have to explain why it's happening. If we knew why, we would fix ourselves and we wouldn't need such services. My partner often asks "what can I do to help?". There is no answer to that question. Some of use are susceptible to depression through many reasons, there is not just one single answer. I am a musician - and today we are the last on the list to find our new "Covid Normal". Musicians don't get a mention. The arts sector sits on the bottom of essential services, yet so many turn to music for comfort. Why is that? Why are we on the bottom of the pile while then called upon as the first to help and cure wounded spirits and sad and lonely souls? That's just the way it is. Today, my depression was compounded. To take my mind off depression and Covid (And the worlds problems) I purchased a secondhand electronic drum kit. The guy seemed honest. You see there is a shortage of such devices, everything is on "back order" or I would have purchased a new unit. I get it home and at first I was happy, over joyed, excited. "Wow what a get instrument, what a great honest seller. " That soon turned to despair when I discovered a fault in the unit and this great honest person turn out to be another rouge seller, palming off his faulty goods to the unsuspecting. Trusting people is a problem. Honesty is a dying commodity, integrity, to some, it doesn't matter. They just don't care. I asked for my money back, but no, apparently he was un-aware of the fault although the kit was only used a couple of times. So my new broken drum kit, that was to help me, distract me, sits as a reminder never to trust people. No mater how honest you are, mentally projecting your values on others, giving them your values is a mistake. Money is all that seems to matter. What a sad world we live in where money is valued more than ones on integrity. They don't loose any sleep, we do for being foolish and to trusting.

[therising]

Hi Infinite Faith

Incredibly frustrating, regarding the drum kit. Can't help but wonder if they knew about this and kept their fingers crossed that no one would make a fuss. Someone should make a fuss so the line can be deleted in favour of perfection. People pay for perfection, not problems. Can remember when I bought my son a well known laptop brand for school. The school IT department cursed this particular line, as it made their life hell. While the brand is highly reputable there was definitely a fault in this model. When you think about it, car companies do a recall when there's a fault, usually because it's life and death and they don't want to be sued.

Every problem is a challenge in disguise. I know, sounds a bit flowery. The question with any challenge, 'Do I let it go and move on, do I rise to it or do I let it bring me down?' Myself, I find some challenges to be mind altering to the point where they can begin to bring me down. That's powerful stuff, when a challenge begins to shift your brain chemistry. Always something to watch out for. I find that at the end of every mind altering challenge, my mind is altered in a more positive way. Again, flowery but it's kind of like you gotta get through the dark parts to get to the light. When in the dark parts, it can be hard to keep in mind that this poopy place is part of the process.

The letting go part depends on a number of factors such as whether we can afford to let it go, financially, morally and so on. Could be a number of factors under the circumstances. Personally, I'm trying to master the art of detachment. It can be a hard skill to master. Sometimes I can be left thinking 'Am I too detached? Is this healthy?' I figure, if it's liberating then it's healthy. I've found taking everything personally has proven to be too exhausting. Much easier to detach. What do Buddhists say? Attachment leads to sufferance. They are spot on. It's interesting how you can find yourself happily detaching from people (who've messed you around for years and brought you down) but they're not so happy about your new found skill. As my daughter would say 'That's a them problem'.

So, the drum kit challenge. Are you going to let it go or rise to the challenge of resolving it? Either is healthy. Whatever you do, don't let it bring you down. I've found, the 3rd is not an option if we want to make our way out the other side of a challenge.

Do you know why you're feeling anxious? Stress, anger, fear or all 3?

🙂

[therising]

Hi Infinite Faith

Congratulations on making it through the drum kit challenge and making a positive difference to the musician's community. Interesting thing about all that physical hyperactivity relating to anxiety, you gotta ask at times 'What am I actually working up to?' I always know I'm in a challenge when stress is a factor. 'Okay, here we go. What the heck is the challenge this time? Who am I being asked to be in this situation?' So many identity changes throughout life. Sounds like a part of your new identity is 'Hero/warrior of the people', an identity you discovered through your work up to finding the courage to make a difference. You're obviously a battle strategist.

You're talking to an ex Catholic here. Through my quest to find the best in myself over the years, I've come to recognise the faults in organised spirituality (religion). I figure, anytime you find something highly questionable, it's typically because there's a natural flaw/fault in it. There are some positives in just about every religion but the negatives seem to really tip the balance. While 'New Age Spirituality' cops a bit of poo pooing, it's basically about people being fed up with the old age. The old age is somewhat about oppression and sufferance. As we enter a new era (free from old ways), people are looking for liberation. Old age 'Spare the rod and spoil the child' (aka beat the child into submission) vs new age, guide the child to recognise the best in them self, through questioning, self understanding, self-discipline and other skill sets.

There's a conspiracy theory out there, which I admit does amuse the kid in me. It says the Church has always been aware of the power of the pineal gland (the pinecone shaped gland in our brain) and it keeps it all hush hush. Theorists point to all those pinecone shapes that appear throughout the history of the Church (in architecture, on the top of staffs and so on). It's suggested this part of our brain's the divine part. So, as theorists say, if we all have a direct link to the divine, we don't need priests as 'go-betweens' (God's receptionists). Amusing.

While I prefer to no longer use the term 'God', the term 'divine' is still in my vocab, such as with 'divine inspiration'. I do sound crazy when I say I silently argue with inspiration quite often: 'You need to drink more water'. 'No, I can't be bothered'. 'Don't be so lazy, you know it'll make a difference'. 'Fine'. The water always makes a difference to this crazy woman 🙂