Common, long term consequences of depression

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

been feeding the black dog for 5 years now. I have read threads here describing withdrawing from friends, work, life in general. I have done all of these .....not opening mail, paying bills when they come to turn off power, or arrest me. I have just been waiting for everything to implode, but surprisingly, it still hasn't. Now, I am so far behind in all my financial obligations, I don't know how to start getting back on track.

I am 5 years behind in tax (personal &my business). Paperwork is not computerised, so I don't even know where the invoices, receipts etc are amongst the rubble. A misunderstanding with phone co has resulted in my landline being disconnected on 23/12...I have paid bills (yay direct debit) but I signed up for an NBN/phone package but did not connect it as it does not suit my needs in a remote area. Now sick of begging Indians to reconnect my landline at work, so no bookings.

Fortuitous, as on Boxing Day, I awoke in excruciating pain. CT : slipped disc at C6. Dr. Google says no easy fix, I have read 100s of posts about this, it seems that regardless of treatment route, I will be in pain for the rest of my life. I have accepted this but without work, I can't afford to get specialist referrals etc, (I have paid private health for >16yrs...almost $50k!!! Doesn't cover that??)

1 good thing, This has been my first total 'holiday' from high stress/emotional job in 15yrs.

As a small business owner, I am not able to get sick pay. Centrelink won't pay unless my tax is up to date IF I DID qualify for disability support. I support my 16 yo son (wants transport now he has his learners but no $$) I have never received a cent of child support, his father lives locally and is here daily for meals etc, which I felt was a good thing for my son, but I am angry that I have been supporting him also.

I know things can't continue like this. But I am scared of making life decisions while in this black hole. I think baby steps are the only way to start to improve our situation (there is much, much more to our story, who wouldn't be depressed??) but it is almost impossible to take even baby steps. I am still putting things on the back burner as a coping strategy to forget problems. Of course they are still there (& worse) the next morning. I KNOW all this but I just can't take a baby step.

Sorry for rambling. (Big sigh, feels bit better tho)

Is there any free agencies to help sort out financial problems/paperwork?

How have others gotten back on track?

[Croix]

Dear Jugglin Strugglin

I'm sorry for the delay getting back to you, I know the wait won't have helped. Coming here is a good idea and whilst I don't have the same financial problems you do I can relate to both depression and the spinal problem.

You are right in being cautious when making decisions if you are down. I found being down skewed my thinking and my judgments were not always the best. Thinking about what to do about your son's father and the rest of it would not be easy at the best of times.

First off you have to get to a better mental place. You don't say if you are under treatment for depression. If not I strongly suggest seeing your GP and laying out the facts. He can if appropriate prescribe meds and also refer you to a psychologist for therapy and self-help.

Do you have anyone to give you support, a parent or other family member, or a good friend? Trying to do it all alone is not good. When I've been down my family have helped me no end.

I've no advice on the back, mine is not that good - a different problem though. I guess you start with your GP as I did and see what happens.

Background information on depression - causes, symptoms, treatments can be read in The Facts menu above.

If it was me I'd give our 24/7 help line a ring on 1300 22 4636 and talk to one of our professionals who may be able to steer you towards the best services. My only thought is a financial councilor at Anglicare, but I'm sure there must be other avenues too.

Please post again and let us know how things are going, even if we are slow sometimes we care and wish to help.

Best wishes

Croix

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Thanks for reply Croix, it was feeling a bit lonely after my 1st post!

I will try the ph no.s you gave. Just gotta put the ph back on the hook. I am not financially motivated, part of my problem really, as have been doing too much pro bono work for past 15yrs, when I haven't been able to afford it. Those who benefitted have had more than we do, they even go on holidays. By now, I should have some financial stability, but have none, so worry for the future. It really is imploding now, and is crunch time, but I will probably continue to put my head under the sand for as long as I can.

Re treatment, I was on meds for years, not very effective. Been off now for 10m and don't think I'm worse off without them. Also tried psychologist, he didn't help. Found some benefit with online CBT. We are in remote area.. 1hr to dr.s, chemist, shops, so isolation is a huge issue for us. For interest, I will tell you that last yr, I nearly lost my professional qualifications, cos I inadvertently informed the registration board that I was depressed. Did you know that many professions have mandatory reporting of mental health issues. I then spent most of yr with anxiety (new to me) cos I had to pass medical fitness tests and jump thru hoops to keep my registration. So now feel I cannot approach a dr about my depression, or else risk being struck off. This applies to many allied health jobs, not just dr.s. How wrong is this. I am almost motivated to try and change this sad state. I did contact BB with the specifics. I have also been denied insurance due to having suffered depression. Oh well, I am sure it will change soon.

I have no family other than my son (another long sad story), and I have recently withdrawn from friends, all who live in city. Gotta pick up that phone.

I am worried that my 16yo son is also depressed. He is starting yr 11 next wk. It seems too late to move him to a more populated place for his schooling. Leaving friends etc is never easy, and at his age, could end up tipping him into a black void. He rarely has a chance to socialise due to being so far away - it is a 1 hr trip on school bus. My heart weeps for him and his future.

Common sense would say, move to city, get a job working for someone else, get son into decent school and life will improve. Reality: too scared to make life decisions, financially can't move but can't afford to stay here, son doesn't want to go to new school, pro-active is SO MUCH harder than inactive, head back in sand.

[Croix]

Dear Jugglin Strugglin~

It's a difficult picture, though I'm afraid what I said before still applies. Look there's a sign overhead in front of every seat in a passenger plane, it says:

Put oxygen mask on self before others

It means to have to look after yourself properly before you can deal with those you need to. Past treatments ineffective, ok that happens a lot. You still need good help and really have to keep trying to locate some.

I completely understand about qualifications. I was a policeman, finally invalided out over PTSD and all the usual mental illnesses that go with it. This is a long time ago. In those days reporting you were subject to stress, mental illness or similar was the death knell of one's career and normally lead - one way or another - to exit from the force.

Guess what I did, had the symptoms treated and not the cause, until I was unable to function. Then invalided out with a set of conditions that were only marginally treatable. I'm still on meds, still have coping mechanisms, still not completely cured,and I was invalided out in the mid 80's. Please treat me as an example of what NOT to do.

Proactive can be in stages, and if you have friends ask yourself if they would like to help and how. sometimes one can be very pleasantly surprised.

Please come back and say how you are going

Best wishes

Croix

[chris64]

I'm sorry about your struggle. In a situation such as this, the mind is wandering all over the place. The thinking can act similar to a 2-year-old child that is playing with a radio dial! You get multiple stations and LOTS of static.I'll try to make some sense out of the static.

Anxiety can be summed up in two words. Worry and avoidance. It’s chronic worry. It can be worrying about worrying about worry. At first glance, avoidance doesn’t sound bad. However, it can be like trying to put out a fire by using gasoline!

Anxiety is hard to comprehend unless you’ve felt it. Trying to explain what anxiety feels like is difficult. It’s like the cheap 70s movies where they describe being high on drugs by putting a purple filter on the lens of the camera! You (of course) understand this. I'm pointing this out because you may feel frustration that other can't comprehend what you're going through!

We’ve all experienced a computer that freezes up. It’s frustrating. A computer program can be written to do complex tasks. However, during a computer freeze, it can’t even add one plus one! This can describe parts of anxiety. The brain can be bombarded with so much information that it seems to become temporarily paralyzed! To expand on this I’ll use an analogy of a sinking boat.

Imagine that you’re on a boat with a hole in it. As water is spraying in, you have a choice to make. You have two types of plugs for this hole. Panic overwhelms you as you try to decide which plug to use. However, one of the symptoms of anxiety is the inability to make a decision! (avoidance) As you feel the boat sinking, the battle between what ‘What choice should I make?’ becomes more intense. In the end, your boat sinks because you weren’t able to decide which plug to use!

You're already glum and I helped to make it even more glum. However, Always remember this line.
WHEN THE PAIN OF YOUR LIFE OUTWEIGHS THE PAIN OF CHANGE, THINGS HAPPEN.

I want to give you an answer without sounding like a riddle. I think that your next step is to push past the indecision. When this happens, the effects will be small at first. I'll end this letter with my signature motto. IF YOU FOCUS ON RESULTS, YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE. IF YOU FOCUS ON CHANGE, YOU WILL SEE RESULTS. Look for changes. Especially the small ones. When this becomes your attitude, these small changes grow.

[blondguy]

Hi Jugglin

I do feel your pain on depression, its my 21st year

Re: Paperwork/bookkeeping. I was in a bad way a few years ago and I called my local council for a charitable organization that could help me with deal with bills and creditors. I was in a crappy financial situation so I 'qualified' for charitable admin assistance. They even had my medical bill wiped at my GP's clinic under hardship

Prolapsed Disc: you may not be in pain for the rest of your life. I was told by a specialist to have a disc removed in 1998 (I said NO) and in pain I kept looking around. Found a guy that practiced 'Shiatsu' and I was running with my dog the next day and threw all the anti-inflammatory meds in the bin :-)Only 1 visit....and $75 🙂

Most of the time there is a way out

Great to have you on the forums Jugglin

my kind thoughts

Paul

[chris64]

I cut my leaking boat story short because of the limit of characters that I'm allowed. However, I wanted to use this exaggerated description of inability to make a decision and compare it to your avoidance to do your taxes. You're not alone. Many people with anxiety are behind on their tax. I.E. the reason they don't do their tax is because of anxiety. However, as they get further behind on their tax, this raises their anxiety as well!

Contact the ATO. They deal with a lot of anxiety cases. It's weird like the leaking boat and being afraid to use the plug that is less effective of the two. On one side, you're losing money if you don't claim all of your deductions because of the confusing paperwork. On the other side, you're losing money because you can't claim Centerlink until your taxes are sorted.

Forget all of this (for now) and look for improvement. Notice that you are better at making decisions than you were before. (Even minor ones) As you see this improve, you will be in much better shape to handle your taxes.

[chris64]

Have you seen the movie, 'The Shawshank Redemption'?

A wrongfully convicted banker (Tim Robbins) escapes from prison. He does this by crawling through a mile of sewage pipe to freedom.

Q. How can he do such a disgusting thing?

A. He spent many years in prison. The grotesque sewage pipe is nothing in comparison to the hardships that he faced. Many people with their back to the wall often feel:
My life is too far damaged
or
There's no way out
or
It's hopeless

However, when they have gone through this much hardship, they are also able to do things that they couldn't do before. For example, A person was terrified of people not liking them. They were so terrified that they were afraid of anything that may make people to not like them. They were too paralyzed to take action. However, now they feel, “I've been through MUCH worse”! I don't give a $hit about this anymore. They can take action on things they couldn't do before.

This sounds trivial but it's not. Remember when I said IF YOU LOOK FOR RESULTS YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE. IF YOU LOOK FOR CHANGE YOU WILL SEE RESULTS.

Look for these small changes in yourself. THIS IS VITAL! THIS IS THE WAY FORWARD. These small changes seem trivial. The initial thought is why should I waste time thinking about stuff like this?

[Croix]

Dear Jugglin Strugglin~

I've seen your posts scattered around during my travels and thought to myself that you seemed just a little lighter.

When I came to this place I not only found company, but also what was 'normal' for my conditions and how they affected my body, thoughts and actions -and this is after umpteen years of treatment!

This gave me more perspective and helped me feel less unworthy, less guilty, more positive.

Good luck with your researches into CBT & also the gut-brain thing, great idea.

I agree it is ironic to have the dream home/job/etc and be in your situation. As I mentioned before my dream job was my downfall, be careful what you wish for indeed.

I hope your back is not too painful.

You have my best wishes and hopes,

Croix

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Thankyou so much for your thoughts and wishes,

I am finding the forums very therapeutic. I am gaining so much perspective by learning, sharing, relating to others' experiences. I am giving myself a 'brain holiday' and allowing myself not to think about my own problems, without feeling guilty. Of course they are not going away, but day by day I am feeling more able to begin facing it all again. Hoping I will be able to tackle them bit by bit, once I get back to reality. I might be kidding myself here, maybe head still in sand, but I am feeling a glimmer of my old strength returning. All would be well if I could just continue like this, but time is still ticking,

Of course my back is the elephant in the room and will be a determining factor on if I can get back on the horse, hope it can be at least a gentle walk if not a gallop. It is no better, but got dr.s next wk so hoping there is an alternative to pain killers, which don't work anyway, or surgery, which would be the absolute last resort. I truly dread that thought.

Ah yes, Irony. The grass is greener but the water bill is more.

Lee