Can't be bothered

[sparkvark]

I lack drive and motivation. I don't know how to TRY anymore. Heating up leftovers feels like too much effort. Washing the dishes even once a week when I run out of clean ones feels like too much effort. Dragging myself through the work week ahead feels like far too much effort. I want a break from everything.

Does it actually get better or do we just distract ourselves from the constant drag?

I don't want to deal with starting the expensive (no one actually charges the medicare rate... more like $80+ on top of it) GP->test->psych appointment train again only to wind up with "keep on keeping on" and 'strategies' that anyone with an internet connection could find.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Sparkvark,

Thanks for clarifying. I think that I may not have interpreted your earlier posts as you intended.

In a way, I feel as though you have somewhat answered your own question.

I admit that there are ways that I have heard of but not attempted off my own back, either due to the perceived sustained effort required, due to not wanting to do them, due to not believing that they would help, or a combination of those factors. Some I would be willing to try but suspect them to not be sustainable.

I hear the skepticism, concerns about sustained effort, etc but I feel there is little to lose in giving some of those things that you mentioned a go. I mean, the worst case scenario is you'll be proven "right" that your skepticism and hesitation was justified, in which case, you probably won't feel any better (or worse) than now.

But best case scenario, well, you just might find something that could work for you in terms of motivation, etc...

Perhaps something to consider...

I agree with blob that you seem insightful.

All the best,

Pepper

[blob]

How are you going now Sparkvark?

Oh to be motivated! It's sunny Sunday and I have Mr Merlin (cat) on my lap as I write. Thank goodness for a bit of life who wants to be close to me! A bit of furry love helps. No need to talk. I like the quiet. Have loads of jobs I could do around the house but I have Zero interest. Plants are dying in places. Pity really but there we are. I have no go or fight left. I feel like I'm in arid desert in my heart. It's weird as there's been times I'm all go. Now it seems that I fill in time. Why can't we have pills for this kind of thing?

Well have a good day folks

[Anton_]

Hi Sparkvark,

You definitely don't need an agenda to do stuff in your life, however it is very natural for an "agenda" to exist. It is how our brain works. You are hungry, you get the signals from your brain and you eat. You see the damn kebab and your trigger the pleasure points through the sense and there you go, you have kebab in your plate. You wash the dishes because if you don't you will get ants etc. So there seems to be a purpose in everything that is happening even though you do not realise it or choose it consciously.

It sounds that you are seeking for an answer that will solve all your problems, get you out of your comfort zone, probably "fix" you.

This resonates with me as I've been through the same battle for a long time. Everything seemed a drag, and no "solution" was good for me. It was too much of an extra burden, a responsibility I didn't want to take. I was just looking for that magic to save me. I refused alternative therapies and activities that my psychiatrist had suggested and I preferred the quick fix which was medication. I admit it worked for some years although I was nit my real self but just functioning. It was later that I had this epiphany moment when I decided to start doing stuff. I realised that I was the only one who could save myself by challenging my beliefs and eventually changing them; and I did. 10 years later I'm thankful for this experience because it made me reach the lowest point in my life and I grew through it, I discovered someone I didn't know; myself.

Back then all these would not make any sense and I couldn't imagine that 10 years later I would use my experience in a different country to support people. So responding to your fist question, yes it does get better....but it needs your personal effort, internal effort. When you are ready you will know it. It really needs readiness for someone to start changing. Good luck, stay strong!

Cheers

Anton

[sparkvark]

Hello blob, nice to meet you.
Thanks. Sometimes it’s hard to get to work but I know it’s better that I do, and I’d also feel too anxious to take a sick day, so it is what it is. I hope you’ve managed to find what you’re looking for on here.

Hi Blondguy/Paul.

Yes we have spoken before. Good to hear from you again.
I wouldn’t qualify for financial hardship or anything like that. I’m just a bit of a cheapskate who avoids unnecessary expenses. It’s great to hear that things have managed to get better for you since the 80’s. The ‘fine tune’ system seems like a good idea to keep on top of things.
I spoke to my GP either 2 or 3 years ago about depression/anxiety. He was alright to talk to about it, but I didn’t feel good at all after the conversation. My own prejudice and stigma about it, I guess. It’s just too personal for me to go into those topics. I’m supposed to be strong, and I feel anything but. It feels like something that would be used against me somehow. I don’t know how to talk about it, and if I start then I don’t know what there even is to say.

Hi Pepper,
I guess I’m just looking for some sort if hint that all that effort into a potentially unsustainable thing will be worth something in the end.

Hi Anton,
Honestly, now it seems as though that’s a contradictory set of posts. If every action always has an intrinsic basic meaning or purpose, then why would anyone need to search for meaning? There’s an obvious disconnect between a “big picture” meaning vs. “small picture” meaning. If someone’s struggling to complete “small picture” activities, would you suggest that they need to identify a “big picture”? Or just get better at the “small picture”?
I know it’s not your intention, but I find the suggestion that I’m looking for a magic solution to be rather insulting. The purpose of my post was to ask whether, if I try to do things that might help, there is any hope of improvement. Over the last couple of months, I have felt the closest to readiness for change than I have felt in a long time. It’s not constant, it’s not enduring, it’s not predictable, but it’s within reach under the surface when I manage to briefly escape the net. It’s extremely discouraging that that apparently didn’t come across in my posts.