Can't be bothered

[sparkvark]

I lack drive and motivation. I don't know how to TRY anymore. Heating up leftovers feels like too much effort. Washing the dishes even once a week when I run out of clean ones feels like too much effort. Dragging myself through the work week ahead feels like far too much effort. I want a break from everything.

Does it actually get better or do we just distract ourselves from the constant drag?

I don't want to deal with starting the expensive (no one actually charges the medicare rate... more like $80+ on top of it) GP->test->psych appointment train again only to wind up with "keep on keeping on" and 'strategies' that anyone with an internet connection could find.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Sparkvark,

You sound absolutely exhausted and frustrated. Your experience with the usual treatment route sounds like it has been disappointing so far...

Does it actually get better or do we just distract ourselves from the constant drag?

Ah, the million dollar question.

That is a tough one to answer or maybe you meant it as a rhetorical question...I don't know...I'll offer my opinion anyway.

Naturally, you will get a whole range of responses as I suppose it just depends on who you talk to...

But on a personal note, my subjective 2c is maybe a bit of "A" and a bit of "B" although I suppose the 2 are intertwined e.g. if I get better at distracting myself from the constant drag then I might start feeling a little better, etc.

In a way, I feel distractions can be a bandaid solution in the sense that the core issues don't get resolved. Then again, sometimes distractions can be the very thing that keeps us going too...the irony, right?

Sorry, I realise there's really nothing that I can say that is truly useful or helpful. I just wanted to offer my support and empathy above all else.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Hi again,

Random brainwave, and I could be way off the mark, but I figured that it wouldn't hurt to share...

I wonder if maybe part of your struggle is that you're searching for/wanting more meaning- personal life meaning, philosophical meaning, something "more", etc- in which case most distractions and even most traditional treatments probably wouldn't be very helpful (if this is the case).

I mean, I'm not saying that this necessarily applies to you but it's just a thought...

All the best,

Pepper

[Anton_]

Hi Sparkvark,

Thank you for the message, you've got a tough question there.

What I understand from your short post is that you are having a spiritual crisis. You feel disconnected and you are searching for meaning and purpose.The answer you are seeking for is within you. Actually it is YOU. You can change all that by just exploring more of who you are. I know, it sounds very theoritical.

I had this response ten years ago when I was in similar situation, with same question and no answer. Then suddenly everything changed. I changed it. Now when I look back I'm really grateful for my experience and everything I went through because it led me here, in a new country, working in the mental heath field, sharing my story, knowledge and tools to support others.

So if the approach you mention above does not work for you, the alternative is to look inside of you and answer what has been unanswered for years. Looking for meaning and purpose can actually get you into a different realm. Look for opportunities in what you experience, even the dragging part can be useful for you to explore further and look at it differently. It won't happen overnight you know. Change is a process. It is already happening, it shows its marks on you. How are you going to evolve through this change and take advantage of it? It is saying something to you, it makes you think more, it makes you overwhelmed and it is there to remind you everyday that you need to move on. Try to look past the symptoms and concentrate on what is really happening. You are changing, starting from the inside, you are evolving into someone new. Stop resisting and go with it.

Food for though...

Cheers

Anton

[sparkvark]

After posting, it occurred to me that I had made a near-identical thread a year ago. Apparently time flies whether you're having fun or doing nothing.

Pepper and Anton - thanks for your messages. I'm not conscious of wanting a meaning/purpose, although it's true that I also don't have one. Do I need one? Can't one just do cool things and feel achievement/contentment without there needing to be a driving meaning behind it? I don't really want to get all philosophical, spiritual, analytical about it... I just want to be, do, experience. But not be-this, do-this, experience-this.

[Anton_]

Hi Sparkvark,

Thanks for replying back with more food for thought for everyone.

So this is my understanding by reading again both your posts, : In the first post you state that you lack drive and motivation and later you question it "Do I need one?"

Then you ask the philosophical type of question "Does it actually get better or do we just distract ourselves from the constant drag?" but later you state you don't want to get philosophical at all.

I feel there is a contradiction in what you are saying here and this makes me wonder where is this stemming from?

I also noticed that you said that you possibly don't need meaning and purpose however, you have made two identical posts in one year. What is the "purpose" there? What are you looking to find other than "strategies that anyone with an internet connection can find"?

I hope these questions will make you think more on the purpose and meaning of your initial inquiry and possibly help you get a clearer vision of what you want to achieve.

Best wishes

Anton

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Sparkvark,

It's great to hear from you again.

I kind of think Anton raised some good questions in his latest post. Perhaps things for you to contemplate (only if you wish to do so of course).

The only thing that I would gently add is if it was "enough" for you to just "experience" things- as you suggested- then I wonder why you are asking those questions and struggling with motivation, etc.

Now, I'm not asking for you to explain to me or anything like that but perhaps this is something for you to think about in your own time (and only if you wish to do so).

I wish you the very best and I hope you find what you need 🙂 If you want to talk some more, you know where to find us..

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

[sparkvark]

Hi Anton and Pepper. Thanks again for your posts.
I don’t think I’m being contradictory. I don’t see why a person needs to have an overall purpose/meaning/driving thing that they’re consciously working towards, as a prerequisite to feeling motivation for shorter term activities and accomplishments that they want to do along the way.
If I want to learn a cool song, why should I need an overarching meaning like “I want to connect to people through music”? I just want to learn a cool song without being engulfed by the too-hard-why-bother feeling before I even start. If I want to eat an awesome kebab, I shouldn’t need “I want to fuel my body with the best sustenance so I can be fit, healthy and ready for action” to overcome the too-much-effort-I’ll-just-make-a-mediocre-kebab-with-half-the-ingredients-and-a-quarter-of-the-effort-five-days-after-the-idea issue. There doesn’t need to be an agenda. I just want a damn kebab. If I need to do the dishes so that I’ll have a clean bowl and spoon for my breakfast, I shouldn’t need a mantra of “my home is a reflection of my mind, I shall keep both clean and healthy”. That’s-how-you-get-ants should be reason enough.
But it currently IS a battle for me to do those things. I know the “break it down into smaller steps” and “start first, motivation second” strategies. That’s how I got through the year using (mostly) clean cutlery. I am looking for a way to feel better that is more effective than the ways that I have been able to put into place off my own back. For a way that doesn’t rely on luck or having a ‘good moment’ to do something I want to do . For a way so that trying to do a necessary task during a ‘bad moment’ doesn’t consist of alternatively doing a small part of the task and then lying on the floor until ready to face the next part. That’s what I mean by “the drag”. That’s why I wonder if it gets better. Because this feels barely sustainable at the lowest point of effort, despite knowing that it is sustainable if required.
I admit that there are ways that I have heard of but not attempted off my own back, either due to the perceived sustained effort required, due to not wanting to do them, due to not believing that they would help, or a combination of those factors. Some I would be willing to try but suspect them to not be sustainable. Some of those I would be willing to try only with another person who is invested in the outcome to hold me accountable. Some I still have no interest in.

[blob]

Hi sparkvark (fun name!)

I'm new here so I'm still just getting around and distracting myself from my own shit feelings inside by doing some writing to some of you on this site.

I mostly just wanted to compliment you that you're capable of working while you're feeling as you are. I find it gets harder to hold down a job if my inside just doesn't care about anything. I know all about low motivation right now.

Anyway good luck in your journey.

[blondguy]

Hey Spark

Good to see you again. I may be wrong (which is often) but I think we have spoken before...anyhoo...

I read you first post above and yes it does get better. My depression/anxiety became that severe I had difficulty leaving the house back in the 1980's when I was in my 20's. It was bad news...I just sat there doing nothing as nothing motivated me in the slightest.

You mentioned expense with counselors....Thats fine as I was flat broke when I needed help and couldnt afford one either. Dont underestimate your doc (GP)....they have much better training nowadays where depression is concerned. I still see mine very 4 weeks for a 'fine tune' so I dont get back to the lows I used to have.

I am fortunate though as my GP bulk bills me after I was made redundant early last year

Sometimes a crackerjack GP can be of greater value than a psychologist Sparky

Good on you for posting gain.....Great to have you back on the air!

My kind thoughts

Paul