Can depression last a life time?

[ScarlettR]

I am a 30 year old female, and have had chronic depression since 2013. I had been put on antidepressants, and yes, they do help a bit and make the depression not so horrible to bear. If anything, it stabilises my emotions and the anxiety that comes with it.

I am scared though, because it's been nearly 5 years and I still haven't "recovered". The things I get depressed over are fears of my loved ones dead, homelessness and being alone all my life. Until 2013, I never used to think about these things to the extent I do now, and certainly never used to let it bother me to the point where I get panic attacks or start crying.

I'm still working out if I'm dealing with a possible lifetime of depression or maybe these thoughts are normal, and everyone thinks them?

The good news is, since 2015, I have gained control over depression and had found happiness in my activities again by building up on small pockets of enjoyment, until those pockets of enjoyment start growing and fill the hole in my heart again.

So while I'm dealing with life a lot better (and mostly done this on my own efforts), I still sometimes have the odd night when I crawl to bed because I don't want to face anything, and think about upsetting things that I believe I must face one day.

Can depression last a life time?

[RandR]

Hi ScarlettR,

Thank you for your post and reaching out. I am truly sorry to hear what you have endured and gone through. It's beyond tough and not something that I would ever wish upon.

I am, however, great to hear that on the positive side you have gained control since 2015 and building on those small pockets of excitement. How crucial and important each of those pockets are.

To shed some light, i suffered major depression for over 14 years. I finally got in control of my depression just over a year ago and since then, haven't had it and are at the point whereby I am the one in control and it absolutely holds no sway over me these days. I'm Raman by the way 🙂 I should also add that I am 33 and got on more than one occasion came very close to taking my own life.

I was never on medication (I'm extremely stubborn and was never open to it despite me being aware that it can help, like it did you).

The odd nights when those feelings lurk aren't something that are always in control. And sometimes, you just have to see, hear or feel something that is connected to those small pockets of enjoyment and hope that is enough. They were for me 🙂

As for depression lasting a life time, that's a tricky question. I say tricky as It lasted about 19 years for me, but I can't speak on everyone's behalf that has experienced depression.

From my perspective, these thoughts are normal. I still have the occasional nightmare (the last one my girlfriend tells me I screamed in my sleep) so thoughts like dreams are just a part of life.

Keep connected with BB and hope my reply has somewhat helped.

All the best till we next chat 🙂

Kind regards,

Raman.

[white knight]

Hi Scarlett, welcome

I take the view that my depression is likely to last my lifetime but if a full recovery comes along its a bonus. This stops me searching, hoping, it will go away which is distraction.

You might still need some medication fine tuning via your GP. 5 years isnt long to be on meds to find the ideal dose imo. As time goes by you get more and more knowledgeable. Eg taking my meds 2 hours earlier in the late arvo helps me rise better in the morning. These are the things to mention to your GP. Use a diary.

Google these

Topic: anxiety how I eliminated it- beyondblue

Topic: depression the timing of motivation- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Tony WK

[geoff]

Hello Scarlett, it is a sad comment you have made but we can't pretend to ourselves that depression will never return like it was before, simply because we don't know.

Some people may have the strength to believe that it won't come back and I couldn't be so happy for them, however we don't know what's around the corner, the future is unknown, so we don't know how we are going to cope with what happens down the track.

I realise that depression in so many of us is an ongoing affair, there will be times when we feel lousy for a long time, some issues we can't handle and then times when we can cope with our daily life, the trouble is once you have had depression the 'down-times' could be worse than just being sad.

If you compare 2 people, 1 who has had depression and the other who has never had it and then ask them what is happiness to what is sadness, the answers will be different.

We can never know in general, but each person knows themselves.

Best Wishes.

Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear Scarlett

This is a huge question and one I think just about everyone with depression would like an answer. We would also like a magic pill that took it all away but that's even more unlikely.

I am very pleased your AD are helping you. Sometimes it takes a while to find what suits and what doesn't. I have been on that long trail with a psychiatrist prescribing SSRI medication for six years. None of it worked and some had horrendous side effects. My GP tried a different group of AD and bingo, life is looking up.

Your description of how the AD works for you is exactly what it is supposed to do. It's good to know you are not afraid of taking meds which sadly is the case with others. I now believe taking an AD is going to be with me for the rest of my life. It's just part of the routine.

Your bigger question of whether it stays with you or not depends on what you mean by recovery and a lifetime of depression. This is how I see it. Someone, me, becomes depressed. I fought for a while then got some help and I said started to take AD. That first part was long and difficult and there were times when I was very suicidal. I expected to recover quickly as we do when we have a physical illness and was shocked when the psychiatrist said it would be at least two years possibly more. I am sure everyone in Oz heard me scream no, no, no.

I learned a great deal about myself. I am not suggesting that Depression is a good thing. Not for one moment, but it taught me much. I coped with my suicidal thoughts by waiting for half and hour to see how I felt then. Waiting an hour or day, possibly several days because I had promised to do something. It was extremely hard trying to keep a promise when all I wanted was oblivion.

Gradually the gaps got longer and the depression became less of a presence in my life. Like you I found activities I enjoyed, old hobbies I had neglected and restarted, a new sense of living. My husband and I had separated a year before my depression started in 2001 and I think that was the the trigger. Finding my feet in this new life was amazing and also very hard.

I still had depression. I left the psychiatrist and was treated by my GP. She is an amazing lady and helped me though many dark days that also became less as I learned how to manage these days without falling in a heap and crying "It's all too hard". I learned about me and mental health, how others were burdened with this illness and how talking with others who had MH issues was helpful.

Mary

[White_Rose]

Too much for one post but I will write more succinctly.

Ever since then I am aware of my depression, how I can fall apart in a heartbeat and get back up again. I am even finding which foods tend to send me down. Sugar is a biggy for me so I avoid it as much as possible. Hard because I like sweet things.

I learned so much and can relate to so many people experiencing MH problems. This is I suppose the pay-off, depression in me means more insight about me and others. Would I change it? Oh yes, the dark days are still here, even though less frequently, and I have such a good life (generally) that it compensates for the other, but yes I would like a depression-free life.

I have written all this in answer to your question. I think depression is always with us but we manage it and our lives in a way that enriches us. Maybe the way we experience our depression once we have made friends with it is not so bad after all.

You Learn
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn.
And kisses aren't compromises. And presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman or a man not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your loads on today, Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans And futures have a way of falling down mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you ask too much.
So you plant your own garden And decorate your own soul Instead of waiting for someone to buy you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure,
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn.
And you learn. With every experience you learn.
(Anonymous)

I hope this poem is helpful. I think it says all I want to be.

Mary

[ScarlettR]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Also thank you to White Rose for providing the poem. From this poem, we can draw that the world is as it is, but it's what we do with the world that determines our mental health.

[White_Rose]

Hello Scarlett

Glad you got the point of the above poem. I believe that making friends with our depression is the best way to tame it. Instead of running and fighting if we stop and let it flow over we can manage so much better. The energy we use fighting depression is better put to use to manage our various actions and to be more comfortable in our lives.

Let it happen, recognise what happens and learn ways of minimising the bad bits. Just like taking an umbrella because it looks like rain, so we can have a life umbrella which we take with us and hold over us when those uncomfortable thoughts and feelings start 'raining'.

Taking responsibility for our lives is a huge step and often seems quite painful. But the rewards of knowing you are in control are fantastic.

Mary

[Lane]

Hello Scarlett, I was going to ask this same question. I will be 60 next month and have battled depression and sadness since my mid teens, I hated myself as a teen, battled p.m.s until menopause, taken and tried different antidepressants since my 20's. A psychiatrist said that he just could not work me out and said I don't suffer from the disease of depression I am just an unhappy person. It has been horrendous living like this and the pain living with this uncontrollable misery makes me feel like I have missed out on so much in life. I have four adult children and 10 grand kids, life was not too smooth living with a child who was a heroin addict and 25 years of horrid disruption in our life, when things went bad I would always fall into the black hole again. I am at the stage now where I sleep all day, chronic fatigue, sadness that is relentless and I want to run away from it all, it hurts like hell, so yes I am wondering myself if this is or can ever end in my circumstances. I just can't wipe out a lifetime of this pain out of my mind and the loneliness that it all brings, it is forever heartbreaking living like this. I hope you can find peace in all this before you get to my age.

[21yearsandcounting]

Hey Scarlett,

Unfortunately, the answer is 'it depends'. There are different types of depression that people go through and how long it will last. For example, I have persistent depressive disorder, once known as dysthymia. I was diagnosed at 12 and am now 33 and still have depression, hence my user name. While others will go through a depressive episode that might last a couple of months and never have another episode. Everyone will experience depression differently, especially if they have other comorbid conditions.