Been told I will never be well.

Hopefullseeking · ‎29-10-2015

How do you cope with being told you have depression for life. You will have times where the depression will be managable but it will not stay that way. You will have bouts of depression, it will always be like this.

I felt like someone had slapped me. I have been told this before but it sank in yesterday. Both my psychiatrist and my psychologist have said I have depression for life but I always thought I would beat it. Isn't that why I am in therapy.

I feel like all hope is lost, I do my best well actually I try really hard to put into practice what my therapist say to do, and i was told yesterday I have worked extremely hard with the psychologist this year but that felt like a waste of time.

I am not ready to throw in the towel but it makes it hard when you are told you will be up and down for the rest of your life. Extremely hard.

JessF · ‎29-10-2015

Hello hopeful, can i just clarify what you were told... your thread title says you have been told that you will never be well, but in your post you say that you have been told that you have will have bouts of depression throughout your life. Those are two very different things.

Hopefullseeking · ‎29-10-2015

Hi JessF

Isn't that the same thing?

I will have bouts of wellness but the fall will always come.

How do I life during the wellness periods with this hanging over my head, each day I will wake up and ask myself is this the day I will bottom out.

I was told the triggers are there, sometimes I may recoginise what has set me off and other times I will not. I am not unintelligent, I can normally pick the signs and prepare myself for what is coming.

I feel what is the point if I am only going to bottom out.

Thanks for your reply, I do appreciate it.

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JessF · ‎29-10-2015

The way I see it, it's like getting a cold or the flu. When you recover from a bout of that, is it reasonable to think you'll go the rest of your life without ever getting sick again? And does that make the well periods in between worthless?

Hopefullseeking · ‎29-10-2015

No Jess it doesn't make them worthless, they are valuable.

I have suffered depression all my life for reasons I really don't want to get into. The last 20 odd years I have been in therapy, on and off, I have always had the hope I would get better and stay that way. I am medicated and thought that would do the trick but it hasn't (my feelings). So I thought if I went to a psychologist that would do the trick (so to speak). Sounds like I am looking for that magic pill, i'm not but I want to learn strategies to cope so it doesn't come back.

I also have complex PTSD and GAD, my psychiatrist and now psychologist have taught me stratigies to cope and it has helped enormously. But the depression is a different story.

It is like it has me round the throat and won't let go making it hard to enjoy my life. I led a full life at 61 which is one of my coping strategies but at times that is very difficult to maintain.

I try but feel I am failing.

JessF · ‎29-10-2015

My understanding of the strategies is that they help you to cope better when troubles arise, they're not a vaccination against them. It's a bit like going for a run - your heart will still beat faster and you'll feel tired afterwards, both feelings that are unpleasant. But as you get fitter, you recover quicker and are able to run for longer. It doesn't mean that you will never be tired.

NerNerNer · ‎31-10-2015

Hi Hopefulseeking,

I'm really sorry to hear about how you're feeling. I've been in a similar place and I know how hopeless it made me feel, so I'm kind of seeing the same thing in your posts. When they told me, I developed major depression and obsessed over the fact that I'd invested so much into reaching the magic 'better' stage. It really felt like I'd wasted my time and everything was pointless. For a couple of months I was in a fog, felt more depressed than ever before.

It's been about 16 years since someone told me that I'd never be free of depression, that I'd always be prone to bouts of it and I'd like to share some things with you so maybe you can pick some useful things out of my experience:

- The way I see it is that depression is like the chicken pox or a back injury. Anyone who has ever had it can have it happen again, but you can build up immunity/strength in the right muscles so that when it comes back, it won't be as bad. And there are always new management techniques coming out, so get researching.

- If what you're doing isn't working, start asking why. How do you feel about the thing that isn't working and why.

- Find out what sort of therapeutic technique you're working on with your people right now and ask for other options as well. There's CBT, DBT, ACT, SCHEMA, the list goes on. I'm looking into ACT and DBT because I find CBT invalidating and dismissive. I need my feelings sorted out, not my beliefs because my feelings influence my beliefs.

- Be as proactive and open with your support people and medical people as possible. If something isn't going right or something has happened with them to cause an imbalance, they need to know. Politely and with diplomacy of course.

Good luck, it's upsetting to hear things like that, but options exist. Time can help.

Hopefullseeking · ‎01-11-2015

Morning Ner,

Thank you for your reply.

Its good to hear someone else is in the same boat and coping well with the news. I was so upset my depression did take a dive.

I am seeing my psychologist this week and will mention it to her and see what she says, then when I see my psychiatrist the week after I will tell her how I felt. We have a good relationship so I can tell her when she upsets me and then we discuss it.

Yes I have been told to treat my depression like any other illness but its different when it is a mental illness, I know it shouldn't be but it is.

As I have probably already said I have had depression all my life and my shrink reackons I go back to that state from time to time as it is normal for me, b@@@t, I don't want it to be normal, depression sucks.

I try hard to overcome it, put inot practice what I am taught and I have learnt a lot this year on how to cope with anxiety which has been wonderful, and I have done things to help me feel better but the depression seems to hang around.

I am trying not to feel hopeless and stay positive but it is a battle. I will speak to both therapist and go from there.

Thanks once again for you input, it has been helpful.

A

Cherpieus · ‎01-11-2015

Hi Hopefullseeking

I recall about 4 years ago when I tried to come off anti-depressants and ended up suicidal - that I would have Depression all my life, and be on some sort of medication for that. I was devastated and part of me didn't believe it. I, like you, launched myself into making sure it was going to go away by doing all the 'right' things. Yes it became manageable for a while and when that happened I thought... 'see, I'm better!'. But it was a con because again it flared up when I got remarried and my Mum became terminally ill.

I guess the only encouragement I can give, and try to believe myself, is that each time it flares up again I can think that I made it through last time and will do it again.

It is very hard knowing it's sitting there waiting to come back and coming to terms with that fact is very very hard.

Please know someone else understands and cares.

Cherpieus

Hopefullseeking · ‎02-11-2015

Hi Cherpieus

Thank you for your reply.

I am on two types of anti-depressants and have been for about 18 months, for about 3 years before that I was started on a low dose of one of them but steadily the dose got higher and higher and didn't seem to do any good, these two do help, would hate to see what i was like on nothing.

Growing up no one picked I was depressed so in the past I have coped without any anti-d's. I didn't know I was depressed because I felt that way for so long I didn't know how deep my depression was and I was suicidal but had young children to care for on my own.

I feel like if I do feel better it is 'well when am I going to go down agian', not a way I want to live my life but it seems I have no choice. I'm devastated at the diagnosis.

Yes I have been through many ups and downs in my life too and have gotten through them all, some barely but I have managed.

I have been seeing my shrink for a very long time, yes I have come a long way, a very long way in fact but its not enough, I want to be content and happy, what ever that is.

Will speak to my psychologist tomorrow.

Thanks