Beating the Depressive Demon!

[Guest_21]

Hi All,

Well I've finally taken the first step to "fixing my broken mind" and making my life work this time around for I want a life free of negative thoughts and despair. Currently I am in a progress of medication, counseling, eating well, getting sleep and doing positive thought practices. Have found a site called pinterest which I find rewarding for things that I like doing, check it out. This illness is such a destructive mechanism in our brains and I would not wish it upon anyone for that matter!!! Family is so important when we are in these times of decline but I believe that we can make change for the better if we choose to fight it rather than let it fight us!!! I have changed some things in my life so far for the good with just retraining my thinking process and find it does work with constant day to day positive thinking. A lot of my depression has come from long term unemployment, financial stress but also a hereditary gene in my family. I am willing to beat this "Black Dog" and make my life better!!! I have made a folder with positive thoughts that I can reflect on each day which helps a lot I must say, things in my life and the way I think and want to change, also I try to focus on the future and not reflect on the past. I do not drink alcohol any more, period, this is such a bad coping mechanism for us, never solves the problems, just makes it worse than it really is!!! I am grateful that we have websites like Beyond Blue because talking about our issues is one of the best starts we can make to a better positive life. Retrain that brain everyday with the tools that you need, I guess we are like cars somewhat, if we don't service them regularly they break down so it is important to eat well and get rest when required to build up our brains and body. In my past I have been to some VERY dark places and now choose never to go back and if something in life presents dealing with it in a different way I find is the key to making positive happy thoughts overrule this. Thanks for letting me pop in and say hello, share my thoughts and desires, you can beat this but sometimes it takes time and the right tools.

Take Care of you all.

[Guest_21]

Hi All,

Once again thanks for the feedback, much appreciated!!!

Back last year leading up to the end of 2017 I was in a very bad place, dark, agitated, confused and more. I was drinking again, mainly binge drinking and going out late, this lifestyle I led back in my 30's and wondered what the hell brought myself back here again. A couple of times I was that sick from drinking I decided to stop again and regroup on my thoughts and behaviors, thank god I did, a friend of mine now has had a kidney transplant from his past drinking behaviors and is so lucky to be alive! , I have also lost a friend to bad drinking behavior too.

Over the new year period I decided to get my life again back on track, I was letting things go, clothes not put away, paperwork all over the place and having no idea how to go about it. It was just a matter of "DOING IT"!. After regaining control I felt so much better but the depression was still there! Aagghh! So I developed another hobby which had been of great benefit and rewarding and still practice it now.

Last week I was bedridden for 5 days and not eating until my mother came over and helped me to go and see my GP to start a new mental health care program, thank god, I was nearly at the point of tipping over the edge....

So now on stronger medication, talking to you caring people and counseling, positive thought changes, I feel like I am coming out of the darkness again........somewhat, still plenty to do and repair. I nearly lost a close family member to this horrible illness years ago and I should have seen the warning signs in myself but was to young and stubborn to do anything about it.

So now I accept who I am, my chemical makeup and not who I want to be anymore but rather who I want to be and dreaming of future happy places that I will get to. Guess what I am really saying is "NEVER QUIT" trying to get better, we all so deserve peace and happiness in our life's and even a loved one boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.

One other trait I have had which has not helped over my lifetime is OCD, being to organised, clean and just plain fussy, so much when i was a kid my friends would mess up my bed and laugh at me, but I couldn't understand why it made me feel so out of control, having this messy bed looking at me. only in the last 3 years have I been able to control this habit better and "JUST LET GO" more of being to organized.

I cannot say enough of how much this site and the people I have met since signing up have helped me

THANKS

[Chloe_M]

You're welcome LBuddha!

[Guest_21]

Hi Chloe,

Hope you are doing ok and coping well, another day in the office as they say with life and its crazy side to it all. I didn't want to impose on you with my girlfriend problems of late but felt the need to get something off my chest. I dearly Love this woman but can't re enter the relationship at this stage because I am only just coping with myself and life. I have tried to explain this to her but I guess she feels somewhat alone and feeling sad due to my illness and myself not being able to give myself to her in a capacity. I totally get how Love can make a person feel sad and worry about their loved one in times of illness.

At this stage I have talked to my Mum about this and she has suffered depression all her life and understands why I can't do this but no matter what I say to my girlfriend of late it just does not seem to sink in the severity of where my mind and body is currently. I certainly don't hold and resentment to her for this but it makes it so hard trying to explain yourself when we are ill.

My mum and I agree that I need to focus on me and getting better before I can commit fully again to any relationship for that matter, still does not solve the issue I guess. God, so much in Love with her it hurts so much to see her suffering and it's like a double whammy for me, as I have told her my intention right from the start was never to hurt her feelings in any way shape or form.

Love is a such a strong feeling for us beings, especially when we have someone so close to our hearts. I feel hopeless in the fact that I just can't be there for her and have temporary pushed her away a little for I'm just not coping well, hate myself a little for this I must say but I don't know what else to do.

I certainly do not want anyone else in my life at the moment either and if this relationship does not work out and under the circumstances of how I feel about her I guess that in the future I will probably stay single, just the way I feel. As they say, if a good, caring, loving, affectionate, woman comes along never let her go but in some ways I have, crazy isn't it?

Anyway I'm pretty exhausted after today's goings on and will go and rest now, if I can be of any help to you please feel free to do likewise and the same goes for anyone else on this forum that maybe I can assist or listen too.

Take care and have a good day tomorrow

Chow for now

LBuddah

[Chloe_M]

Hello my friend!

im sorry to hear the full story. A similar thing happened to me about 6 months ago, my bf broke up with me because of things going on at home that he didn't want to involve me in. Like how you love your gf so much, he loves me so much too but he had to do what he had to do. But he regrets what he did.

I agree love is a very strong feeling. It consumes yiu sometimes doesn't it? And I know why it's called heartbreak...because you chest actually physically hurts without them.

It's good to hear that you have what sounds like a pretty close relationship with your mum. I couldn't go to my mum and tell her stuff like that.

Thank you for sharing,

Chloe x

[Guest_21]

Hi Chloe,

Thank you for your reply, yes we all do go through hard times with love, it's harder somewhat for people like us because of what we suffer from and sometimes it is harder to process. For a very long time I didn't have the relationship with my mum like I do now, we would clash over certain things but also my mind was in such a bad place I couldn't see clearly through the storm.

After a lot of soul searching and getting the right information from family members some things became so much clearer and I'm grateful for that. I have never had a dad in my life and my grandfather passed away when I was a lot younger, although I was lucky enough to have him around for a short time being the father I never had.

When my mum got very i'll years ago I really didn't have anyone to talk to as such and just withdrew from the hurt and kept it all bottled up, which I realize now is such a destructive thing to our mind and soul. The other thing I have found is we all have regrets for "Past" things we have done or encountered, guess the trick is to learn from them although sometimes the thought can still linger depending on the severity.

One thing a friend said to me once was that I'm to hard on myself at times and I need to let go of this practice before it destroys me, he has known me for 34 years and has gone through a lot himself. One thing I keep telling myself is that "Life will test us, deal us with grief and hurt, shape us somewhat for what we experience but it's all about how we arrive at our destination that matters".

Over the last two weeks I have been downloading happy positive thoughts from a site called pinterest and choosing what fits with my current mind state, so far I've nearly got 100 sayings and I reflect on them daily to see how I am progressing with my retraining of my brain.

The other thing I am looking at is some exercise classes in yoga, stretching the body and keeping the mind calm, have always been into fitness of some description and I do know how much this can help with rebuilding ourselves, have been so lazy of late and just watching TV, lol, but it has helped somewhat to rest and be calm.

I guess it is hard sometimes not have the people we wish we could talk to in our life but one thing I know for sure is that we "Talk to someone", get the stuff out of our brain, even writing some things down on paper can help, allows us to see it from a different perspective.

Take of you All

LBuddah

[Guest_21]

Hi All,

Just wanted to share some of my past week experiences with beating the depressive demon.

Leading up to last Sunday I was still in a black hole with not knowing how the outcome was going to be with my future expectations. For some reason Sundays I find are a difficult day somewhat and still I had not mended the relationship with my girlfriend. As the day progressed I received an email from here explaining how my depression of late had deeply affected her.

I had no idea how she felt or what was going through her mind, I had misconstrued a lot of things that she had said and until I got clarity I did not realize that my depression and the way I was thinking in my "MIND" that I got some of this all wrong. After a few emails I felt so much better, being able to clarify her feelings and thoughts, etc, which lifted me up so much better with understanding.

On the Monday I revamped my spare room into a hobby/office room and now have somewhere to go and paint, build or surf the internet. I have surrounded myself with positive thoughts on the walls and things I can look at that me me "FEEL GOOD".

On the Tuesday I caught up with my girlfriend and we spent the day together talking and sharing our thoughts which was a beautiful blessing in disguise. Since then we have "SLOWLY" and not overloading myself or her in rebuilding our relationship for the future. She is aware that my rest and recovery is "PARAMOUNT" in getting back to normality.

Went to see my councilor on Thursday which was a great session filled with positive talking and I walked away feeling a little drained but rather happy and calm. On Friday attended my GP to discuss how the extra medication was going and he decided that we will stay on a slightly stronger dose for the next three months for this is slowly pulling me out of the black hole.

My point is this, 1/ "Never assume what other loved ones are thinking", you might be misconstruing their good intentions and good people are needed in our recovery. 2/ "Surround yourself with happy things and thoughts in a special place in your home", It's the go to place for recovery and happiness. 3/ "Always keep reviewing your medications because sometimes they might not be just quite right".

And most of all, never ever quit stop trying to get well and have a life full of happiness and future prospects to achieve. "DREAM, BELIEVE, ACHIEVE!!!".

You can do this, a little each day of positiveness all adds up.

Take Care of your Mind and Soul!!!!!!!!!!!

[Birdy77]

Dear LB,

Thank you for your positivity and your inspiring post.

You're doing so well, and are an encouraging example to others.

🌻birdy

[White_Rose]

Dear LB

I have been reading your posts and found them quite fascinating. You have good insight into yourself which many people do not. This insight is helping you to heal. I am pleased you are getting together with your GF again. It is true we do not understand what others think or feel about us. We know, but unfortunately it does not rub off onto someone else. Hmm, what a pity.

I have found that telling someone who is prepared to listen and make an effort to understand, Helps us in ways we do always recognise at the time. I find writing to people on bb very good for me. In so many ways I realise I am talking to myself as well as the person reading. This is the same when we speak to someone as well. Those aha moments are so precious and comforting.

Something I would like to share with you about positive thoughts. It's a great idea switching to something positive if you find yourself thinking or remembering something unpleasant. I have found there is not always something sufficiently positive to think about to dislodge the unpleasant thought. Instead simply remember something pleasant that has happened in your life or that you are looking forward to. It sound similar to positive thoughts but find there is a difference. If you find yourself stuck perhaps you could try what I often find a more simple and easily attainable change.

Mary

[Guest_21]

Hi All,

Its been 6 weeks since I touched a drop of alcohol and to be honest I have never felt so good in my life without this horrible drug!!! The last time I abstained from alcohol would have been back in my mid twenty's when I was rather fit and never touched any drug for that matter. My goal my whole life but more as I got older was to "STOP" drinking for the "EFFECT" and how it affects our brains and especially if we are predisposed to depression.

My circulation has got better, thinking is so much clearer and the levels of bad thinking have gone away with so much more clarity and reality being much more effective. Have been studying the dependence level of alcohol in this country and it appears that back in 2013/14, 40% of people are treated for this drug compared to other types which is rather frightening!

But it is still sold over the counter freely and is making peoples lives hell for one reason or another!!! I have seen this drug being abused so many times over the years and what it does to peoples lives, but we still don't get the message through to us humans.

Bottom line it is a depressant and certainly with the wrong use can be quite harmful to end users. One thing I noticed in our society is that we believe that we need this drug to make us happy, feel good at party's, etc. But in reality why do we really need to consume this toxic substance, which is "NOT" designed for our body and just be happy in general?

It appears that the general consensus around this drug has shifted over the years in Australia, I remember back in the 70's and 80's the hype of "if you were not drinking around your friends there was something wrong with you", and it still has that thought of behavior today somewhat. Rather sad considering still not enough is being done for our younger generations on this topic and still we see them falling foul to the likes of alcohol abuse.

"WHAT IS GOOD ABOUT IT?, NOT A DAMN THING!"

I had a close friend the other day say to me, "thank you for telling me that I was drinking too much", and how did this make me feel?, Rather happy to know that the persons health will improve with less of it.

Guess my point is, if you can stop drinking and make your mental/psychical health better have a go because it has taken me years to finally conquer it and the benefits out way the use of this drug, "FULL STOP!".

I hope you are all doing well and safe, never stop learning and making progress in your life!!!

Warmest Regards

LBuddha