Hey Everyone,
I'm 31 years old, single, currently working in the Fitness Industry as a Personal Trainer, living at home with Mum and siblings. I have depression and mild anxiety/social anxiety that have been clinically diagnosed but have not ever used medication to treat these.
I have had CBT Therapy before and have been told that I have a fear of attachment from my Parents divorcing as a 12 yr old and that my Mother's voice I have also created to be a trigger for my depression.
I had a Law Of Attraction life coach for a year up until recent and found it to be complete waste of time and money. From the audio tapes to the goal setting methods, and the skype sessions, then the application of these into the real world with the expectation of significant long-term desirable changes relying purely on belief and "letting go" I found very airy-fairy and had no concrete evidence of progression, in fact I felt that I went backwards.
It is not a very stable profession working in the fitness industry. The Market is oversaturated and the pay is ordinary like below $40k p.a. My career options are limited given that I was not an academic in school. Still can't decide what I want to do in life for a career, tried online uni course couldn't do it and am paying hecs off, options are limited as the longest I've held a job is 2 years and at the age where employers are less likely to consider as an apprentice.
In comparison to both my younger brothers that are fully qualified plumbers and my sister that manages a team of 8 sales reps for the biggest stationary supplier in Australia.
This affects me in every area in life particularly as I've only had less than a year and half relationship experience with 5 different partners in which I did not find attractive. The concern is that not only do I doubt that I can have someone attractive but if I were to get lucky then it wouldn't last because I can't support a family, let alone myself comfortably. I do not connect much with my siblings as I'm the eldest and have achieved very little compared to what they have in a career sense. This makes me jealous, envious and feelings of no self worth as a man.
Don't have many friends. I don't go out and often stay in my room to watch tv series or live promiscuously by going on online dating sites then meet with women that I don't even find attractive for casual fun or even worse case paying for sex. I neglect taking my dog for walks and find it hard to get motivated to train or work hard.
