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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
  • replies: 0

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the discussions in this section of the Forums have been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here! Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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Seachel I feel like I've tried everything
  • replies: 2

I'm lost and no longer know what to do to help myself, I've tried multiple types of antidepressants, I've seen therapists, counsellors and even been into a mental health clinic, even though I was stubborn and didn't want to be there at all. I don't k... View more

I'm lost and no longer know what to do to help myself, I've tried multiple types of antidepressants, I've seen therapists, counsellors and even been into a mental health clinic, even though I was stubborn and didn't want to be there at all. I don't know what else to do because I still feel so empty and sad every day. I don't want to wake up of a morning time anymore.

RKP87 I find it hard to justify seeking help, as it doesn't seem serious enough
  • replies: 3

Apologies if this a long post.. I'm finding myself back in a place that I seem to get every few months or so. Its a complicated feeling, i wouldn't say i'm emotional, i wouldn't say i'm sad, if anything, i have no real emotion, not sad, not happy. I ... View more

Apologies if this a long post.. I'm finding myself back in a place that I seem to get every few months or so. Its a complicated feeling, i wouldn't say i'm emotional, i wouldn't say i'm sad, if anything, i have no real emotion, not sad, not happy. I withdraw when i'm in these moods, i don't want to leave the house if i can avoid it, i stop going to training because i don't want to be around the people, i avoid social gatherings. Any confrontation that i might have with someone will leave my completely drained and emotionless for at least a day or two. Today i just couldn't handle work, just had this anxious feeling i couldn't get rid for a few hours. The problem is, these moods on any given day can be normal. I start to wonder if i'm over complicating, trying to look too deeply for a solution to a problem that could be solved simply. Maybe i'm just more comfortable on my own. Maybe i'm not sleeping well because i always have to get up a 5am for work. Maybe its normal to not feel strong feelings either way for your fiancee for weeks at a time. I can usually just get through being rational. I know i care for my fiancee, and i am grateful for the life we are building. And every now and then i do feel strong feelings of love for her. i can get through work without emotion, because its just a series of problems to solve. I'm not a zombie, i am still capable of laughing at a joke, i still see my parents on the weekend, i'm not constantly miserable. I see a problem, i come up with a solution. But i keep coming back here, where I realise i have been completely unemotional for the past week or two, been completely unmotivated to do anything other than what i need to do, but feeling no joy about it. Where everyone seems to irritate me, but i cant handle any confrontation without it draining me. It doesn't feel extreme, but it has repeated itself time and time again for years. One time when i was 18 i packed all my things and tried moved interstate to get away from everyone, family and friends. After 3 months i came back once i realised i didn't hate being around them. Is this depression? is it possible to have less extreme cases, where it doesn't end relationships or careers, but stops you from socialising, or makes you unable to reciprocate feelings of love and joy for a time? I have seeked medical advice before, but its not an easy thing to explain to a GP in a 15min session. Once time it was a disaster, one GP diagnosed me with bipolar (after ONE consultation) and put me on medication which turned me into a complete zombie for two days before i got a second opinion. Ironically, once i came off the medication it seemed to snap me out of it. I guess i just want to see if people can relate to what i'm feeling. I just find it hard to justify seeking help, as it doesn't seem serious enough, but then again, i'm sick of having to drag myself out of a slump every 2 months.

Mares73 Broken Heart
  • replies: 26

Hi all, my previous thread named "No hope this week" was getting a bit too long so today I'm extending and continuing the themes of that post.Yes I have a broken heart. I am aching from the current constant state of emotional & mental pain. I have cr... View more

Hi all, my previous thread named "No hope this week" was getting a bit too long so today I'm extending and continuing the themes of that post.Yes I have a broken heart. I am aching from the current constant state of emotional & mental pain. I have cried as soon as I wake up for the past two weeks.Just to contextualise I will refer to my last post where I described my experience of a sudden severe onset of deep depression & thoughts I had never really experienced before as in I wouldn't act on them because my kids have always been my safety net. I experienced a severe onset of depression without any triggers & I was feeling completely out of control of my thoughts, unable to function barely at all to the point I couldn't even get dressed & I felt totally immobilised & absolutely terrified of my mental state.I had never had contact with an acute mental health team but due to my distress & complete sense of being out of control, Beyond Blue contacted them on my behalf. The nurses visited me at home & were lovely. They made me an appointment with the acute team pyschiatrist last Wednesday.Unfortunately the pysch was young & obviously inexperienced. It was only a 15min appt & the sole purpose was to check I wasn't having intentions to do anything terrible. I was hoping for some referrals to other forms of support & a medication review. But the pysch said he would be phoning my private pysch that day to update her & to "hand over care".So I waited & remained in my terrible state of mind. I progressively got worse. I hadn't heard from my own Pyschiatrist so I rang her today & she was completely unaware of what was happening. I asked her if the acute team had explained my situation & couldn't believe it when she replied "oh yes they left a message last week for me to call them but I haven't got to it yet".I was so shocked-this is a Pysch I've been seeing for over 8 yrs. so I told her all that had happened & that my husband was adamant that I crashed when I began taking the stimulant medication she had prescribed & I had commenced it on 10 January & fell apart on the 20th January.She replied that she didn't think they were related & perhaps the current widespread news about abuse in the Catholic Church had triggered it. I replied that I hadn't seen any news on the subject & wasn't even aware it was a current issue in the media.She then said to stay on my medication & she would see me next Monday & discuss possible triggers for my sudden crash & also discuss medication. I even told her I had never experienced an episode like this & I certainly have never had serious thoughts of taking drastic action-and her reply was that if I felt some sympathetic nurses would cheer me up then I could ask the Acute Team to visit.I was beyond words when the phone call ended. This is supposed to be my treating pysch who I've known for over 8 years. My husband who took the morning off work due to my state, called BB distressed & said he couldn't cope with what was happening & needed support for me as he just couldn't cope with what was happening & the lack of support services for me.I then said to him I felt safe enough this afternoon to be alone & would occupy myself by coming here & writing & also looking up GPs & Pyschologists. There is still the major critical issue of a decent Pyschiatrist. So basically I have to survive until Monday & the only other option or change would be if I continued having serious thoughts-in that event I would be admitted to hospital.So how do I feel after explains all the current facts-I feel so upset, desperate, alone, frightened, overwhelmed & broken hearted at the current state, the underfunded & lack of support services for mental health compared to other health areas, the sadness & fear at being overwhelmed by this illness, and most of all today my heart breaks at the loss & grief I feel for struggling so hard to "find my real self" under the layers of the illness & sadness that my family rarely see & enjoy experiences with the person I truly am beyond this illness.They see the symptoms & the struggles & my mum cried & my husband was distressed at how much this illness has taken from my life. They say how much they "miss me" & how it breaks their hearts to know who I truly am & to grieve for that person because they now mostly see the effects of the illness & the rare glimpses they see of the person they know I am makes it even harder as they miss me so much.I grieve for myself too-I am so sad knowing I still exist but I'm hidden under layers of pain & trauma & the devastation this illness can cause. Will I ever feel happy again? Will I ever return to the bright social butterfly who had many friends. Will I ever feel a sense of achievement again when I was such a high achiever & thrived on mental stimulation & challenges. Will I ever break this despair? This loss of the real me? Will I ever be social or interact again given I'm completely isolated & rarely leave the house & have no one to talk to from the time my kids go to school to the time they come home?And the biggest question-will I ever experience recovery or even hope of some forms of recovery? I'm so broken by this constant battle. And the destruction it creates in so many ways ie low or zero Selfesteem, feeling a failure, losing confidence in most of my abilities, blaming myself for anything, apologising for anything to the point I'm almost apologising for my existence, feeling unlovable, avoiding people & situations because I fear being transparent as a loser. Fearing this could get even worse.So basically fearing a lifetime of struggle to find myself again when I'm up against a monster of an illness that's winning at the moment. I'm too afraid to think of the future because if this is my future then my existence is purely for the sake of my children. And I'm so sad because if I had known the battle I'd have with depression, traumatic events, PTSD & anxiety-I would of crammed so much into my life before it hit me so at least I'd experienced happiness & adventures & many different experiences so at least I could say I made the most of and lived my life to the absolute fullest before I got sick.I don't in anyway want to or mean to come across as a victim in feeling sorry for myself. I know there are so so many people hurting & struggling in so many ways & forms & it can always be worse. So my intention isn't meant to express myself as the only person in pain. I am grateful for many things such as my children & living in a country without war or external traumas.I try to be thankful & humble for what I do have & do think of and feel for all people in pain or suffering whatever form it may take.I just felt so sad today I needed to try express myself to keep me safe & to clarify my thoughts by attempting to express them-as in doing so I thought I might feel some of the fog lift. So I've literally just written this without thought & I hope it makes sense.I think of, and feel for all of you experiencing pain & battling this illness. I care & hope I can support many of you on this journey. And I'd also like to express my sincere gratitude for all of you & especially to thank those who have provided me with hope & care.Today I know one of my dear friends is battling through this illness & my heart goes out to them. I hope each of you experience some hope, support & care.Lve Mares xxx

CZSS I would be very grateful for some advice
  • replies: 8

Hi. I'm new here so hope I don't ramble on like an idiot. So I guess I should explain why I'm here. I quite worried about my mental health but don't know how to get help. I am a full time uni student and so can't afford the high fees and although I t... View more

Hi. I'm new here so hope I don't ramble on like an idiot. So I guess I should explain why I'm here. I quite worried about my mental health but don't know how to get help. I am a full time uni student and so can't afford the high fees and although I tried to talk to my go about this ages ago and asked about the mental health program, he shut me down and sent me on my way with a handful of antidepressants and benzodiazapines, none of which helped So some background is that I seem to experience either being really happy or really depressed. The past few weeks I've just hit rock bottom. This weekend I have spent all my time at home ignoring the world and wanting to kill myself. It it wasn't for how my sister would cope with it I would hopefully be gone by now, but I just can't do that to her. At my lowest I came close to hurting myself and had written her and my boyfriend a letter explaining why as well as I could. But because of her I didn't and indulged in some help harm to relieve a bit of the pain. I have been self harming on and off for as longs as I can remember but have gotten a bit better since I entered a good relationship at the start of the year. I do it where it can't be seen but obviously my boyfriend can see it. During this time I have pushed him away and he's frustrated that he can't do anything right. Either he leaves me alone like I say and I get angry or he contacts me to see how I am and I get angry. And I've been nasty and saying some horrible things to him but he is nothing but nice to me but then I'm either like this or the complete opposite. I hardly sleep and I feel on top of the world. I feel like everything's fallen into place and come up with all these grand plans. Because of this I'm studying at the moment but have done a few different courses and have almost finished my degree finally (I'm 29) but I hate it and don't want to work in the field but was just a grand plan I had which is how I started doing it. I clean all the time, even other people's houses, can't finish a sentence because my mind goes faster than my mouth and other such things. I get myself into stupid situations all the time by doing things I really shouldn't because they're either illegal or just immoral and it's like I know it's wrong but do then anyway i have a weird thing with numbers. Can't stand even numbers in the slightest and get irritated if things are even. I write things out of my hands all the time and make them fit into certain patterns. Look I feel like this gone on quite long enough and I apologise for that and I generally try calm myself out by drinking quite heavily on a frequent basis. Doesn't really work but I've been self medicating one way or another for the past I dunno maybe 15 years. ive had some significant life events such as sexual attacks, a major leg injury and some major deaths in the family but so have other people and they seem to be much more, I don't wanna use the word normal but that's all I can think of and I guess it fits. I guess I wrote all this to see if anyone has had similar experiences and/or could give me some idea as to what's wrong with me. And also advise me as to who I can see to get some help with this. I just really can't cope with it anymore and have lots friends and boyfriends and really can't take that happenings again because I can't control my mouth, actions or feelings. Well yeah, I think I've gone over my time here and well thanks for listening and on the off chance anyone's bothered to read this miserable brief of my mind this far and can offer advice, I am eternally thankful. Anyway yeah. Thanks and take care oh I'm a 29 year old female if that makes any difference?

Joanne17 I don't understand my journey!
  • replies: 5

HiI have been diagnosed previously with depression, that was 10 years ago, but then a couple of years ago the doctor amended it to Anxiety. However I was trying to explain to my partner what it feels like, as he is struggling with my mood swings and ... View more

HiI have been diagnosed previously with depression, that was 10 years ago, but then a couple of years ago the doctor amended it to Anxiety. However I was trying to explain to my partner what it feels like, as he is struggling with my mood swings and dealing with me. He often asks me which person he is talking to today, so he can prepare himself. I am a mother of two children and I am struggling to control these swings and I feel terrible about it. I was unable to tell him verbally what it is like and so I wrote it down... "I do not understand myself.Most times it is like traveling on a well maintained path weaving its way steadily through a plain landscape, nothing special, and nothing surprising, covered with yellow wheat and the occasional brightly coloured blossom to brighten the scenery or misplaced rock that I stumble over.Then all of a sudden the path lunges in one of two directions. One direction is alive in hyper-colour excitement. All of a sudden I am on top of a mountain looking over the world and there is nothing but good things to look forward to. The pace is fast, the music mesmerising and energetic. Inspiration for fun and exciting adventures come thick and fast, and the draw to do amazing and most of the time, hugely expensive things, is irresistible. I would love to live on top of this mountain, I love the person I am when I am on top of this mountain, I love people, I love life and I enjoy every breath I take. It is better than any orgasm I have ever experienced! However after being on top of this mountain comes the plummet to the otherside where the sun is blocked out by that very mountain, I hate it here. My bed is made out of jagged stone, but getting out of bed seems like a joke. The world is grey and the people in it are painful to listen to and be around. I am unable to do anything right and the sub-voice (I call it Vince) lives here. Vince tells me that I am worthless, I am incompetent and everyone hates me. The mirror mocks me and Vince laughs at the ugliness he see’s peering at him through the glass, how anyone could love or even stand to be near such a hideous creature is proved by the loneliness I feel within this world. Everything is dulled and I get desperate for some colour, some tingle of happiness, a scratch and the tickle is the most pleasurable thing I can imagine. The worst is that this horrible part of me takes over, it wants to embrace this horrible existence and it pushes to remove everyone I love from my life while the other part of me is wondering what I am doing. I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to be left in this stagnant pit of misery, but I push him out, I scream at them, I try to force him to leave forever, I am nasty to all of them, yet at the same time all I want is for them to hold me and take me back to the top of the mountain or even the plain wheat field. The biggest loser in the world plagued by Vince and the thought that maybe leaving or killing myself would fix all this, but I cling to my kids, and hope that eventually I will find my way back to the wheat field by myself because that is the only safe place to be. While every mountain is followed by the dreadful pit, the pit is not always preceded by a mountain, this is the second direction. I cannot control this, the journey has been better in the last couple of years, especially since the new medication, but the mountain and the pit are always there, they are just further apart lately. Today I have been in the pit; I didn’t even get to enjoy a mountain first, so I feel a little ripped off. I hate myself because there is a sensible part of me that tells me that the things I do when I am on the mountain and the feelings and things I do and say while I am in the pit are ridiculous and thoughtless and I cannot afford, emotionally, financially and physically to keep doing these things, but it is like a mouse trying to conquer a carnivorous elephant."How do other people who travel the same or similar paths as me cope?

CafeLatte Just Need to Let It Out
  • replies: 11

I have been diagnosed bipolar 2 for 5 years, I am on medication, my doctor says he's surprised at how well I cope, I am open and honest about my bipolar. But when you are down you are down, I try not to let it explode, I try not to take it out on tho... View more

I have been diagnosed bipolar 2 for 5 years, I am on medication, my doctor says he's surprised at how well I cope, I am open and honest about my bipolar. But when you are down you are down, I try not to let it explode, I try not to take it out on those around me, I have learnt it is best to say "my bipolar is giving me a bad time". But sometime you need to let all the garbage in your head out, but experience has taught me you don't talk to other people with issues as it makes mine worse, talking to friends can be OK but they can only handle it once or twice, my husband as brilliant as he is, has worn enough. So there is no one to talk to. I am down, I am heading to the bottom and I know it, I know I will crash - I have held it off for as long as I can, 3-5 weeks, I know I will have to take a couple of days off work and deal with it but I am over fighting it. Since being on medication I can see it happening I try to stop it, I am lucky sometimes it works, I haven't had a major for 18 months and my majors seem to not last long, getting to the bottom does but once there I seem to pick up the pieces and move on. I have to keep finding new ways to get through it; there is no rhyme or reason as to why it happens it just happens. I needed to say this I can’t say it out loud, I have walked away from this a few times as the tears slip I know I will have to let go and deal with the down. Thank you for listening I can go and let go now and start the journey back up to day to day living.

Chris D My head feels like it's full
  • replies: 18

As the heading says, i'm feeling flat. I want company but i have restrictive funds for this coming week. Family things are starting to get on top of me along with my own personal issues, i just feel i'm about to crack under pressure, i'm not sure jus... View more

As the heading says, i'm feeling flat. I want company but i have restrictive funds for this coming week. Family things are starting to get on top of me along with my own personal issues, i just feel i'm about to crack under pressure, i'm not sure just how much more of this i can take. I'm ready to erupt like a volcano if this pressure doesn't lift. My head feels like it's full and take in anymore information, it just isn't ready and either is my body i can feel it. At the same time i need to look for work to earn money but i just don't feel ready my meds make me tired and so i'm yawning all the time it just feels so hard. I may come across like i'm going well but this thread i'm just letting all things come out into the open. I have a family member that is starting to worry about an operation that is coming up shortly in the next wk or so, so they are a concern. i'm quite sensitive at the moment more than usual. Fell like i'm in a real bind, between a rock and a hard place. I have a splitting headache at the moment so that isn't helping. I have an ex friend who still keeps having digs at me of something that happened at the start of the year in public places and isn't true. She verbally abused me and indirectly had a go at how my parents raised my 2 older sisters and myself. Feel like i'm a bull stuck in a cage just ready to be let out. Kind Regards Chris

Neil_1 Tears Part II
  • replies: 6

Hi all I think the last post of "Tears" possibly got too big for its boots ... not that it was wearing any ... it just slops around in flip-flops, or what Aussies call, thongs. (Now I've got you thinking haven't I? Who is this guy ... is he Americaan... View more

Hi all I think the last post of "Tears" possibly got too big for its boots ... not that it was wearing any ... it just slops around in flip-flops, or what Aussies call, thongs. (Now I've got you thinking haven't I? Who is this guy ... is he Americaan or something?) No folks ... just a plain old Aussie boy, just thought I'd try for a bit of an unusual start to this post. Seeing as I can't cry I may as well be silly. And to answer some questions posed to me of late ... I am feeling, um, a little better. But that comes and goes, don't it. Had a rather crap day on Friday, but so far Saturday is going along much better - I think. Have already been to the gym and smashed out a brilliant workout of chest and finished with biceps. Two favourite body parts to workout. This arve, I have a physio session ... and my physio is a wonderful person as well as being highly talented in her field of expertise ... she's almost like a 'closet' psych. She's been awesome for me in the past. Yes, I'm on meds ... each and every day ... and heavy amounts of them. Take one variety each morning; and then about an hour before beddy byes time, I take two other different varieties. I often think when I hear of the awful struggles that so many posters have on this site where they can't get to sleep ... I just wish that their psych's or precribing authority would give them appropriate meds so that they can get to sleep as well. If I didn't have these nightly tablets to take, then I would be one of the many who suffer to the trauma of not being able to sleep at night. And let's face it, if you ever saw me, you'd be glad that I get a reasonable amount of beauty sleep ... otherwise it (I) wouldn't be a pretty sight !! And before I wrap this Part II post up, yes, I have my psychologist appointment for next Thursday, 13th February at 10:30am. And on that day, 23 years ago at 3:20pm, was the time that I lost my brother. Not that I'm counting mind you! So Saturday progresses along ... little to smile about. But hey, it's another day. Kind regards Neil

Neil_1 Tears
  • replies: 74

Dear all (or dear anyone who reads this ... no bugga it, dear all ... why should I discriminate against anyone); This is a simple post. I want so much to cry. I need to cry. But I cannot cry. Could anyone tell me, "Why can't I cry?" Neil

Dear all (or dear anyone who reads this ... no bugga it, dear all ... why should I discriminate against anyone); This is a simple post. I want so much to cry. I need to cry. But I cannot cry. Could anyone tell me, "Why can't I cry?" Neil

strangebrew sick of it all: diary of a bad day
  • replies: 12

After 20 years I am over all of this. I am sick of feeling suicidal 3-4 times a week.I am sick of being on addictive medications. I am sick of being unable to cope without medications.I am sick of feeling like I have to leave situations where other p... View more

After 20 years I am over all of this. I am sick of feeling suicidal 3-4 times a week.I am sick of being on addictive medications. I am sick of being unable to cope without medications.I am sick of feeling like I have to leave situations where other people are around.I am sick of wanting to go to sleep and never wake up.I am sick of the panic attacks and feeling like I am going to die.I am sick of spending 12 years working on getting in control of Depression and Anxiety and not only failing to get control, but getting worse. I am sick of the lack of support in the medical system. Every day feels the same, pushing my way through, doing whatever I can to get through it and collapse at the end of the daySo tired, so exhausted, so frustrated, so angry. This is never going to go away. This is my life.beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

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