Lost

[Dagebow]

Hi all.  New to the forum but not the world of the black dog unfortunately. 2005 was when I first sought help after a difficult break up and after seeing a counsellor, we managed to work out that I had been suffering a mild form of depression since my teens. The sessions helped, I came off the anti-depressant and armed with some new knowledge resumed life. The black dog returned around 2009 - poor sleep, emotions running hot and cold, low self esteem - the normal drill I guess. Sought help, saw a psychologist who didn't really help but I got back on my feet and with the odd period using st. john wort I managed ok. Lately, due to a rough patch with a good friend, stress at work and life in general the black dog has returned. The up and down emotions, the self doubt, the lack of confidence and diving deeper into work to keep my mind off things.  My mum has a form of depression, maybe its in my DNA? I have few friends, none that I can really open up to - I live alone, work is my social outlet as well as some volunteer work but I do feel alone and lost in this world. I am sure many do, many others are in so much more pain than me - it doesn't make it any easier knowing that however. I hope everyone here finds the support they need.     

[Mum1965]

Hi Dagebow,

You are not alone in how you feel, though I was wondering if you have noticed a pattern with when the black dog strikes..... because this sounds like me, What triggers it off? Are you giving yourself time to 'grieve' or cope with the downside of things. Are you managing to separate the issues of 'your problems' and 'their problems' when things don't work out. There are just some things we don't have much control over i.e. 'their problems'.

I understand the up and down emotions, and how quickly things can change with self-esteem and confidence, etc. I often just want to keep to myself, and family/friends, work and a small amount of sport keep me somewhat motivated to carry on. I am going through a difficult time in life as my son very recently passed away and the grief is all too intense sometimes which isn't helping, but things are starting to look brighter as the days go by, slowly but surely, though oscillating between good and bad days/moments very often.

Do you have a sport/hobby to keep yourself occupied? You need to feed your soul, and do things that make you happy. I believe that the 'regular' things help a lot. And having little goals to achieve in the short term can help, too. Have you considered shared accommodation?

Although I have mild depression myself, I refuse to go down the medication path, but counselling is helping. Don't give up on that therapy if it is still available to you. You will find someone who you can click with. As for friends, they can come and go, but the few you can really count on might just need that added push to understand what you are going through. What are their coping mechanisms?

I hope your days ahead cheer up and things look brighter for you. You are not alone. X

[Dagebow]

Hi and thanks.

I thought I knew the patterns, what set things off, but the last 3 months saw it creep up on me and it blind sided me over the last two weeks. Discussions with two work colleagues and a herbal remedy has helped as well as working though some old stuff that a counsellor gave me years ago. I am a bit reluctant to see a counsellor again as I pretty much understand what I need to do its just recognising that I am hurting/depressed which can be the problem. Also I feel others need the support more than I do.

Depression has been with me since I was a teenager, it comes and goes but emotional stress/loneliness seems to be the trigger or hits to my self confidence when it is already low. Work actually helps me get through the tough times but I also need to be able to be alone to work through the dark times as well.

My hobby is genealogy and I also do volunteer work in that area.

Sorry to hear about your loss - its never easy and having seen others suffer a loss of close family, I know the grief can be with them for many years even if they hide it well.

Take care and I hope things improve for you as well.