Advice needed

[SazBee]

Hi

My partner told me to leave 7 days ago because he was struggling.

He seemed to raise minor negatives aimed at me as the reason for his decision of needing time alone. I wrongly pushed for answers and he blocked my number and will not communicate.

I visited him on day 6 to let him know I was worried about him where his reply was “I’m ok”. Then he left.

I am unsure how to go about this. I deeply care for him which he knows but the abruptness of him shutting me out has left me not knowing what to do or where I stand.

We were planning our future together and I’m just not sure whether his state of mind has ended the relationship without me actually knowing. I don’t want to even ask.

I don’t know how to help him or whether I should make contact by email or maybe even visit again in a week.

I need advice as I love him and don’t want to lose him and without being in contact I have no idea how he is.

[little_chicken]

Hi SazBee,

so sorry this is happening to you and your partner.

i am doing the same to boyfriend at the moment but not to this extent.. I'm sure he doesn't mean it and doesn't want to hurt you intentionally. We can't help it but push loved ones away when we're in an episode.

I think you should try and communicate with him again and find out if he does want things to be over or if he is acting out in this episode.. I know it's not easy for our partners but we appreciate the support we're always given.

good luck x

[geoff]

Hello SazBee, and a warm welcome to the site.

I'm sorry how devastating this is for you, but it's not your fault, this is what can normally happen once someone is embroiled in their own depression.

They want to be alone to think for themselves, because being with someone, (and please I mean no harm when I say this) questions maybe asked and at the moment he has no answers, and blocking your phone isn't because he doesn't love you, it's only so he's by himself.

Don't feel as though the relationship is over, there will be times when he may want to talk to you, whether it's daytime or nighttime, doesn't matter, let him talk and try to open up, if there's silent then it's not because he wants you to talk so much, you can of course, but it's because he's trying to gather his composure, his thoughts.

I know how much you want to help him and maybe suggesting that he contacts his GP and offer to take him.

Please let us know how things are going.

Geoff.

[SazBee]

Hi Geoff

Thank you for your reply. It makes so much sense.

The day he told me to leave I sent him a message 8 hours later (which I now see I shouldn’t have) to show I was confused and angry. It was one basically saying that we were not the past, how I loved him and wanted to stand by him but also one with probably too many questions. Would this have caused more damage? As I gather he wouldn’t have read it the way I meant it.

This is the second time he has done this in the last 2 months however the last time he was only silent for a day. I guess that’s why I’m seeking advice as this episode seems so much more intense and I’m deeply worried about him.

I respect the fact that he obviously needs time alone but how much time do I give him? Do I send an email (as my phone is blocked) every few days or just leave it? Do I visit him in a week? Or should I wait until he is ready? I don’t really know how I can show him that I am here for him.

Saz

[SazBee]

Hi little chicken

Thank you for your reply. And I’m sorry to hear of your situation.

I guess the real question is how often to communicate without pushing him further away.

Saz

[SazBee]

Hi Geoff

We spent the day together yesterday and there was absolutely no mention of anything to do with what happened. Mood is very solemn but attitude is picking up where we left off.

Im very unsure as to whether I start to talk about what happened or whether I should just leave it.

Appreciate your insight.

Saz