Depression and workplace bullying

[Checkthebatteries]

I have had depression and anxiety for a while now.

I also have social anxiety and that means I can find it hard to sometimes pick up some social cues in the workplace. I am trying hard but I have a long road ahead of me and I know it does annoy my coworkers a bit. But I do try. However, lately I have become the subject of workplace bullying. I feel like it's because of my personality in the workplace. The person in question has worked with me for a long time and is now acting as my manager, which they have done in the past. I know I have made a few minor errors but this person makes it out or be a massive deal and goes out of their way to publicly humiliate me. If I take the initiative to do something then they'll ask me how come I'm doing it. If there's something that my normal manager wouldn't even say is a mistake but is just not the way this particular person likes things done then they'll still pick up on it and yell at me in front of everyone. She doesn't treat the other staff like that and I know they make mistakes too. She just straight out yells, then sends a rude e-mail instead of calmly explaining things I don't even know are wrong and are minor procedural issues. Sometimes there's not even a mistake but she doesn't say sorry. She just finds something else or makes another one up.

I may not be the most talented employee or be the best reader of social cues but I work hard and stay late and try to be proactive.

This person has been there for sometime, if good at their job and is liked by all the managers and the staff. I know there are formal procedures in place but I also know that they are very hard when it comes to getting outcomes and are usually just discarded because you can't prove anything and in an office full of nepotism and favorites where I was one of the few people hired through a normal interview process, I have no one to back me up. Even my normal manager is best friends with this lady so won't back me up when she comes back- but I don't think this will stop as this lady is also unofficially quite high up.

So now I don't want to go to work. I spend my weekends in bed crying and not going out, even to buy food. I am trying to look for another job but can't think of nice things to say about myself in an application. I also have no appointments left with my therapist.

Has anyone dealt with this before or know what to do? I can't stop going to work for financial reasons but I feel I can't go anymore.

[PamelaR]

Hello Check

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums. We are a community of caring, friendly, supportive and non judgemental people.

I'm not a health professional, though I can share with you some of my knowledge and experience of bullying in the workplace.

Being a target of bullying behaviour is not your fault. Bullying behaviour thrives in an environment which accepts it as the norm. It is also equally likely for someone who is happy, competent, popular or successful to become a target of someone who feels they are a threat. In other words, don’t blame yourself. Instead, take care of yourself. That's the important thing to remember.

You have alluded to there being processes in place for workplace bullying and harassment. I think it would be good to do something using this process.

Take yourself seriously
Don’t try to convince yourself that if you work harder it will stop. Bullies often operate on the basis that they won’t be caught. And don’t forget you have rights. Looking into employment law can help you realise that your wellbeing is indeed serious.
Tell the bully to stop
This isn’t easy, especially if the behaviour is covert, but if someone is calling you names, spreading rumours or behaving aggressively towards you, calmly tell them that you don’t appreciate their behaviour and ask them to stop. This gives them a chance to reflect on what they are doing before things go any further.
Write down your thoughts and keep evidence
Get organised. Keep a diary of events and keep hold of any incriminating emails, texts or voice messages. This will prevent things from getting too personal when it comes time to tell someone.
Tell someone you trust

If you have a colleague or friend you trust, tell them how you are feeling and show them your evidence.Keep your statements short and free of any emotive words or phrases.

Think about when to quit
If action is not taken when you have told the appropriate people, you may have to think about another way to do things. Is it worth it to try and hang on to your job, or would you rather make the leap into something better? No one wants to walk away when they’ve done nothing wrong. But if leaving is the best decision for you in the long run, work to see it as a positive over judging yourself as failing when really you are dealing with something out of your control.

You are not alone. Keep reaching out and sharing your story (if you want to that is - no pressure).

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Tissy]

Hi All

I'm new to this forum. I have been diagnosed with ptsd with co-morbid major depression after 1.5 years of self harm and 2 suicide attempts due to workplace bullying (mobbing from a group of colleagues).

Recently was away and have had a lot of time to reflect. In doing so I have found that I have a lot of grief for the person I use to be. I was fun loving bubbly person always having fun and loved my job. I also feel I grieve for the career I once had (and was doing extremely well at). I no longer work since my first hospitalisation to a psychiatric unit. I am also struggling with the possibility that I need to protect myself, therefore the feeling of never working again and allowing myself to be open to what happened me is appealing, though it financially not possible! I guess my question is has anyone been in a similar situation?

[girl_interrupted]

Hi, I have gone through something very similar in a previous workplace. The person was very well liked and very chummy with the boss so I had no one on my side. She said some horrible things about me and complained to the boss behind my back and she had been bullying me for months. She would undermine me, insult me, chastise and speak to me in a condescending manner and humiliate me in front of colleagues. I tried to have it resolved and even had a meeting with her and I ended up being the one to apologize even tho I wasn't at fault. I ended up leaving that area because it clearly wasn't going to get any better. Ironically, I'm now experiencing it again from a lady I don't even know and thankfully I don't have to work with her all the time, but it has affected my mental health and made me consider changing jobs again. It actually feels worse with this lady because she seems to find the smallest reason to insult me in front of colleagues or belittle me in some way and she has an almost hostile demeanor even tho I have tried to always smile and be nice to her. I figure it is just my personality and some people seem to enjoy preying on the weak. My depression is at an all time high but I am finding the strength to keep going somehow.

I hope things have improved for you and I wish I could offer some advice or a solution. In your situation, perhaps it's best to move on to another job. There are always options. I would also suggest contacting your union if you have one. And free legal advice. For me, I can't afford to change jobs at my age and it will affect my whole career. I'm working through some stuff with my counselor. As an introvert with social anxiety, it's often a massive challenge just to get up and go to work and be around people when I just want to curl up in a corner and block out the deafening noise.

Stay strong xx

[Bluebirdbrown]

checkthebatteries,

when I read your post, it sounds like it was written by me. I am sorry you are going thru such a tough patch.

i had worked with a nasty manager like your one for about 4 yrs. it was absolutely a nightmare. Everyday I didn’t want to go back to work as I felt like I want to hide in the corner myself. He always ignored me and treated me as an ‘invisible’ person within the team. I didn’t have the opportunity to take part in any of the team conversations. I felt like being excluded all the time. He never asked my opinions and any decisions being made I was the last one to know. When I was trying to ask him to do things he would always hold it back until the last minute (after many reminders) or simply never do. He never replied to my emails whatsoever. No doubt he would have said something at my back. I felt so hopeless and I had no courage to speak up for the fear that I would lose my job. I was desperate to keep a job back. So I ended up having depression due to his prolonged bullying. Looking back, it is not worth. And it has it toll on my health now.

Fortunately he was made redundant early this year and a new manager came in board and he is a much nicer man. I had a relief, but my depression is still there! 😞

I regret that I hadn’t spoken to anyone about it. I guess HR, union should be able to do something to resolve it. There was an unequal power between him and myself. So my suggestion to you is to either speak up or change job. There is no way to stand the workplace bullying. Your mental health is very important! I hope you have a plan to address this!