55, No Jive And Life's Taking A Dive

[globalbizz]

Hi

I'm male, 55, employed in a job I don't particularly like and feel depressed more than I should.

Second marriage, with 4 kids 22 - 30 (2 each). I feel empty. I feel as I don't fit. I can be outgoing but in
social functions unless I make the move, I'm usually left on my own. Even when I am in situations, people tend to leave quickly to find another group. Maybe I'm boring but I do ask mostly about the person I'm talking to. I thought that made people...happy and that they would think I was ok. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way.

I am in real estate; now a corporate gig and no longer selling. My colleagues are ok and so are the agents except for a few which I dislike with a passion. There's no room for growth and no prospect to earn more money.

Money is a big part of my depression. I have a house in a street I hate because of my neighbours. It's full to the brim with debt because myself and wife blow our credit cards sky high. I can't ever see myself getting out of debt. Servicing the debt takes up the majority of my income. I pay my credit cards then use them to live during the month. It's a vicious cycle.

No mun equals no fun. I struggle to do things but sometimes do by loading up the credit card or getting another one of the premise that one day all will be good. It never comes. I'm a Lotto addict at about $80-$100/mth.

I'm anxious about no meeting my financial commitments especially where children are concerned. My 2 kids (22 & 28) are prime for engagements, weddings soon and I wont be able to contribute a cent. It depresses me greatly.

I've tried extra things to make money. Mostly network marketing and have failed for the last 20 years. Virtually no return. I've tried selling on Amazon,eBay etc - all with no success. My latest brain child is book writing. I'm starting fiction writing after non fiction has earned me $100 in 3 years.

My weight is 123kg - about 30 kg overweight. My doctor tells me that I've gained 15kg over the past decade. Ten years ago I lost my Mum having said goodbye to my Dad. I got an inheritance after I sold the family home. Within 18 mths I blew it all; not intentionally but nothing was left. The money I sunk into the house has all gone to credit card debt.

I'm lost. I don't know where to turn to. I've hesitated coming here thinking that I'll be sharing and listening to guys with dramas. Broken people can't fix broken people.

Am I wrong? Is there REAL help here?

Thanks for reading

[white knight]

Hi globalbizz, welcome here

The good thing is, you are asking people that have been there done that. Depression, financial difficulties for many years and hair brained schemes all came into my life when younger. The only thing I didnt do was gamble including lotto. I purchased one ticket once for $3 and told the elderly neighbour about it (my little family was poor) and she said "you could have purchased 2 litres of milk for that, for your kids". I never bought another ticket. That was 1990.

Whatever advice is given to you, you will need to couple it with some gambling anonymous assistance of which I have no links to.

But my thoughts are along the lines of moving home. If you live in the city then moving 1-2 hours away could see you trade your home on a country cottage possibly debt free or a small mortgage. This will also bring the benefits of a country lifestyle which is less dependant on "MUN". I've never looked back. Initially I moved an hour from Melbourne and found that wasnt far enough as most people there were travellers, city commuters. Best to go further and blend in with permanent country people.

At 55yo you are nearing retirement. You can access your superannuation if you have some. Your kids will love visiting the country to "chill out".

Finally, it isnt expected much now a days to contribute a lot towards a childs wedding. Explain to your soon to be married child you cannot help them out as much as you thought and give them what you can. Your heart will be in it- thats what matters.

oh...by the way.. I'm 124kgms and tried all the diets. A country walk every evening is great. who cares about being over weight. and .those neighbours wont be within ear shot.

Tony  WK

[Neil_1]

Hi there Globalbizz

I too would like to give you out a warm welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you so much for coming here and providing your post.

What is that term again?  “Money is the root of all evil”.   It’s an expression;  and I decided to use it as it had the word money in it, of which so many of us have difficulties and issues with.

With regard to your job;   although you don’t particularly like it, it is a job and for the time being, that is far far better than not having one.   Also, have ordinary neighbours is something that isn’t overly pleasant;  so hopefully the less you have to do with them, the better.  I hope that’s the way that it mostly is for you.

Credit cards can be a very vicious cycle and I too suffered along similar lines to you a long long time ago;   and I can understand that road you’re on, but mine was fixed when I met my now partner of 20 years;  she was very supportive and helpful and got me on the right track.  I haven’t touched a credit card since and am very pleased about that.

With regard to gambling;   again like so many vices it is totally up to the person involved, as to whether they really want to stop.   I have similar vices as well;  and have had to deal with my own gambling issues from time to time.  One time when it got so bad, I got in touch with Lifeline (13 1114) who put me in touch with a professional financial counsellor and this was a brilliant thing for me at the time.   But as I mentioned, it HAS to be something that you really want to do;  to change your path at this time.

And turning to here I believe is a very good move.  It’s a very good first step – coming here and hopefully receiving some posts back to you with useful advice for you.  Oh and the other thing, I really do believe that broken people CAN help other broken people.  I used the word “help”, as opposed to fix because fixing is a pretty big ask;  but hey, even if we can help, then that’s a damn good thing.

Cheers

Neil

[White_Rose]

Hey Neil

The expression is "The LOVE of money is the root of all evil" which is the point (smile).

Hello Globalbizz

Welcome to Beyond Blue. Neil and Tony have said all and more than I could say about financial matters. Please take their words to heart. Finance in the manner you are experiencing is not my downfall, but I am totally with you on being over weight. Poor eating habits are often the result of a stressful lifestyle, so it makes sense that changing this lifestyle as Tony has suggested could have enormous benefits all round foryou.

The Australian government has a Smart Money website. It sits on the Australian Investments and Securities Commission (ASIC) website. There is a government funded financial counselling service where the counsellors will come to you, free of charge. As this is under the ASIC umbrella it is a good option. I just hope this bit will not be deleted because I have named the site. I believe they have a good success rate. I used to refer many of my clients to this service.

Can't offer any other suggestions as this is out of my league. But please see what help you can get.

Regards

Mary

[globalbizz]

Thanks Mary

I'll take a look at the ASIC site. Great suggestion

Greg

[globalbizz]

Thanks Tony.

The country would be a great option.

I travel into northern NSW often and just love it around Bangapow etc.

Maybe one day

Thanks for your interest. I appreciate t

Greg

[globalbizz]

Thanks Neil.

Lifeline is a good suggestion and they are worth a call

Thanks for your interest. I appreciate it

Greg