Hello Sherlocked.
Sorry it's taken so long to reply to you. As LFP has said, it's hard to do something about your depression when your motivation has gone, because of the depression. And as LFP has also said, we can all relate to your feelings.
So what to do? Does your husband know how you feel? And if so, what does he think about it? Whether or not he knows/understands how dreadful you feel can you ask him to make you an appointment with your GP? That's the start of the process.
I know how easy it is to hide away but you have realised you need some help to get well again. That is a huge step. Can you also have a look through this web site for information about depression? Start at the top of the page and click on the blue tabs Resources and The Facts. It's always good to know your enemy.
Wearing a mask is the most common thing we do as people with depression. The trouble is you spend so much energy on maintaining this front that there is nothing left for everyday living or getting help. Now I'm not suggesting you spend all day crying regardless of who is around. If you can create some quiet moments for yourself to sit, possibly outside with a cuppa and admire your garden or watch the passing parade of people. Something that takes little energy and gets you something to focus on gently.
Reading is great but it takes energy as does watching TV because you become involved in the action. Do you knit or do some other kind of craft work? Gardening perhaps? Set yourself a goal to do of these things for half an hour. Lovely if you can do this everyday, but aim for two days a week. It gives a great sense of satisfaction which will help your mood. Baby steps at this stage.
I look forward to hearing from you again.
Mary
