Severe anxiety

[YellowPoppy]

Hi, new here... (may have a half finished post somewhere - sorry)

I have had anxiety since I was a child.
I have suffered from both anxiety and depression for most of my life
About 7 weeks ago i hit rock bottom. I had a really bad anxiety episode
That left me physically ill. And I was miserable and depressed and crying
For almost a week.

Since then, with the support of my mum, my partner and various health professionals,
I have gotten better, walking daily, eating well, sleeping well, but Easter night
I was ill again. And now I am back to where I started.

It feels worse then the first time though. Everytime I think about things that would normally make me happy
Or make me smile I feel miserable and I'm in dispair.

It's allot worse than what I've written but I don't want to trigger anyone who may be struggling.

Thanks for listening/reading

YellowPoppy

[MsPurple]

That's ok Yellow. I myself had a terrible depression day on Monday. The worst I have had in a very long time. It was terrible. Basically in bed all day kinda day, so I know how crippling a bad day can be and how irritable it can make some people (I get irritable anyways).

How did the psychologist go? Do you feel you got something out of it? When I first see a psychologist it takes me a few sessions to feel comfortable with them, so I didn't get some epiphany on the first appointment. I am thinking when I see my doctor tomorrow I'll have to write some stuff down to discuss, because sometimes what I discuss can change whether I'm having a good or bad day, and I need to try share both.

Let me know how it has all gone

[YellowPoppy]

Hi Ms Purple,

Psychologist was good. We sent her an email prior to the appointment and informed her of my history and current situation and requested that my mum be in the session, which the Dr was so understanding about. I had an anxiety attack at the beginning of the session but after about 5 minutes maybe more I calmed down and was able to talk about what's going on. So it was a good first appointment and I'm hoping to gain more from them as we go along. Have booked three more appointments.

[MsPurple]

Hi YellowPoppy

Glad that your session went well. Have you been since your appointment? I know sometimes it can be stressful waiting between sessions when stressed.

[YellowPoppy]

Hey thanks,
My next appointment is Wednesday. It's been up and down, Ive been journaling which has helped allot and I feel like I'm improving but I have moments of doubt too. I'll kepp you uodated

[MsPurple]

HI Yellow

How have you been? It has nearly been a week so thought I'd check in

[YellowPoppy]

Hi, I'm okay. I really can't be away from my mum at the moment.

I've managed to go into stores without her as long as she's been near by.

She's working the next 4 days (Airport parking facility, they store cars and provide lifts to and from the airport)
I'm going with her and I know it's 'okay' but I feel anxious and and yuck about it all. I know I won't be able to stay home and that makes me feel yuck but I don't want to go with her which makes me feel anxious.

Not having too many anxiety attacks at the moment, still crying a bit but it's normal I'm upset crying.

Still struggling with decisions, that sends me into a panic.

I stubbed my toe last night and I've caused some serious damage.

On Thursday I started choking on my midday supplements and ended up unable to breath, thankfully I coughed that out but we stopped middle of the road every getting out of the car.

It's the only time I've felt severe anxiety that hasn't been misplaced...

Thanks fo checking in!

How are you going?

[MsPurple]

Hi Yellow

Sounds like you are going through an anxiety rough patch, which I am sorry to hear about. But you sound like you are taking it on pretty well. It can be hard to avoid feeling overwhelmed. But sounds like you are taking it as a part of the process which is really good (took me ages to get like this, as a normal human I still forget this). One thing I used to do when I was about to have a panic attack (or health anxiety) is say to myself "you are safe, you are well, this is just your anxiety, you are ok".(or something along these lines) Now this sounds overly simplistic and maybe even silly, but for me it worked, not at first but after a while I started to believe it and it would relieve my anxiety to a manageable level. I'd also try slow down my breath as I was saying (or thinking if in public) it.

I had a really bad depression day nearly two weeks ago. Everything was tough. One of those I don't want to get out of bed days. But got through it with a lot of tears. Ended up calling MH health for some advice and support. I didn't need it long term, but was good to know they would check in for a few days and (with my verbal permission) sent my psychiatrist the info we discussed. My psychiatrist was really good about it and he made one small adjustment. I had to remind myself that sometimes a step back is part of the process, I hadn't had bad day like that for ages, kinda good to know I know what to do and that I do have support of friends and family. I maybe a volunteer with beyond blue, but I am human who still has bad days. But it has gotten a lot better in just two weeks. About to see psych again on Thursday.

Your mum sounds like she is helping you out a lot which is amazing (go mum). I know any parent would want to do this for their kids (my dad said this to me when I had my bad day). I am grateful for my family to. Also chocking on tablets/supplements is the worst, had one just not go down properly and had to drink so much to get it down.

Let me know how you get along when you get the chance or feel like checking in 🙂

[YellowPoppy]

Hey Purple,

I hate those days! I am glad that you know what to do and that you're okay.

I am managing but I do need to push my boundaries. Staying at home when she goes to work but I'm quite uncomfortable with that.

Sounds like your dad is as great as my mum..

I have my psychologist appointment today. Mum's going to sit outside instead of coming in with me which I'm a little anxious about.

[MsPurple]

Hi Yellow

How did the appointment go? Can be a bit nerve racking going to a session by yourself for the first time. But it is an important step to take in long term management. Don't get me wrong, having therapy with family is still beneficial (I have done family sessions a few times, really helpful) but long term it is good to talk about some stuff you may not want others to know. I find I can talk about my dark dressed thoughts with my psychologist, which I wouldn't wanna talk about with parents (psychologist wanted to do this as a career so I don't feel bad about discussing this).

[YellowPoppy]

Hi Purple,

My ended up in the session with me but we have a strategy set up for next appointment.

It went well, and I'm finding the sessions really helpful.

How are you going?