Anxiety stopping me from EVER having a job.

[AVA85]

Hi, I need some serious help or guidance on who to talk to about the fact that I have crippling anxiety and fear when I have to think about getting a job. I am married to my husband of 14 years and been together for 18 (since we were 15). Since we have been together I had two part time jobs as a teenager. Since leaving school I have not had a job. That was 15 years ago. My husband is self employed and I have been lucky that he can support me. But our kids are teenagers and I can work but every time I think about it all these thoughts start to run through my head that lead me to not even going there.

What if my husband has a day off? - I wont get to be home to and I might miss out on something

What if my kids are sick?

What if Im to tired to work?

I wont know how to do anything?

Where would I find time to go to the gym or do ANYTHING outside of those horrible work hours?

9 hours a day!!!!!!!!!!! What a nightmare

Who would clean , cook, look after the dogs during the day?

What If I want to take holidays?

The list goes on, and although it might seem petty, its how my crazy head works.

Now, dont get me wrong. I find a job, get super excited, think 'YES' this is it! Two hours later, I have convinced myself it would never work.

Im simply scared and anxiety takes over and simply stuffs with my head.

If I worked I could, bring in extra income, meet new people and perhaps even love it. But I don't think Ill ever know.

I have actually worked for my husband for 9 years from our home office and I am a qualified bookkeeper. However that qualification only came about because It was online and had NO face to face training. I work alone and on my own and can still do whatever I want.

I think the idea of a REAL job makes me feel restricted and controlled and I hate that. I need freedom.

Help, Im scared I will never be able to get a real job and have something to show for myself.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

I haven't worked in a long time because I have anxiety and can't. I bet if I could, I'd have all of those thoughts too, because as you'd know people with anxiety tend to overthink things O_o

I wonder if you could find a small job to start with? A couple of hours on one day? Or maybe volunteer so you're not "committed" but could taste what it's like and maybe assuage some of those fears. When I could work (many years ago) I worked in aged care for a temp agency. This meant I only worked when I wanted to. Maybe you could find something like that?

I'm not sure if it helps, but my psychologist always recommends baby steps, hence my suggestion 🙂

[Katherine22]

Hi AVA85, I totally get you and I could of written most of this myself.

I have had and still do have depression and anxiety for a long time. YOU CAN DO THIS!

Best advice I have for you is DO it with fear anyway!!!!

You will cope and get stronger. Maybe if you haven’t already start seeing a psychologist who can help you with some different techniques to cope but from experience you just have to push yourself even when you feel you can’t possibly deal with it. Otherwise your anxiety will win and you will miss out on enjoying your life and having new experiences.

As for having something to show for yourself, well you have ALREADY done that by being a MUM! the hardest job in the world right?

As for being anxious about your husband, pets ect, they will be fine without you just be organised so pets are fed and things are completed at night so you come home to a relatively clean house, thats what I find works best for me.

Also you could just try a few days work? That’s what I do, I had full time jobs but couldn’t cope with my job, my anxiety, children, house ect so I put myself first(for once!) and work casual now. PM me if you like, sounds like we have a lot in common xxxx

[Ruby__2]

Hey Ava85,

I get your anxiety!I had not had a paid job for over 20yrs.

I gave it a shot and my world didn't fall apart.My pets are still looked after(I am only away for 8hrs a day)Everyone has adjusted.You need to think of what YOU need and want.

A job outside of your husband's may give you the confidence to belive in yourself.Go for it!!!

Best thoughts, Ruby2

[Mischiefthecat16]

Oh my God! You sound exactly like me! I'm a bookkeeper, have anxiety and havent worked in about 15 years. My husband is also self employed and I have a 10 year old son in year 5. I first got panic attacks at work back in 2004. I didn't know what they were but left work to go home suddenly one day and I never went back to work since then. I understand your pain. I have just resigned myself to never working again now. I'm 49 and I think to myself who would hire me at my age with no recent experience ??