Scared of "trivial, everyday" things

[Moonstruck]

Does anyone else share this irrational, stupid, inconvenient anxiety? It doesn't happen all the time but when it does I cannot explain it or know what to do, to get rid of it. It will sound comical, laughable when I tell you but that's OK...it sounds funny to me also. I will start by saying there are certain situations I am active in, at which I exel, where the majority of folk would be terrified. I am brilliant there...and yet scared of this "little stuff" .

For months I was frightened of going to a different petrol station nearby. Prices went sky high at most places in my town, and this one was cheaper, popular, accessible and an obvious choice and for months I put off going there...because I was scared of it. Which bowser should I pull up at? Which buttons do I push to key in the dollars I want?. What if there is a big queue?...so I eventually had to ask a neighbour (who is familiar with anxiety problems) to go with me, just to sit beside me and quietly tell me what to do. Otherwise I would never have "mastered the petrol station"!

Yesterday i bought a new vacuum cleaner. It was a good price, I am pleased with it, I want to use it asap and need to use it. I look forward to using it. I am scared to get it out of the box. What if I can't understand the instructions in the manual? It's different from my last one. see how stupid it sounds? I am scared of my vacuum cleaner!!!!

and yet if you could see what I achieved just recently in a specialised field...you would be amazed at my competency and confidence!!!

WHY am I scared of these trivial everyday things? God knows how long it will take for me to begin assembling that vacuum cleaner which I know, logically, I am intelligent enough to figure out!! So why am I procrastinating about it?

What is wrong with me? Who could help me? Any suggestions or thoughts would be very welcome......have a nice day..... Moonstruck.

[Elizabeth CP]

For me I think past experiences have played a huge part. This includes comments from others. Even my daughters joking about my hopeless interior decorating sense makes me wary. I 'know' I'm no good at it so I struggle to make decisions like where to place pictures on the wall, choosing colours etc because I'll make a mistake. Some things I've 'learnt' by experience that I'm hopeless. For example years ago I found electronics really difficult to learn & often messed up pracs. Today I struggle with technology. Lack of confidence stets me up for failure each time so I rely on others to help which just keeps me believing I'm hopeless.

Unfortunately my mind seems to remember & focus on the negatives but seems to forget the positive things I've done.

[Paw Prints]

Well apart from the making an appointment with a dentist, your post could have been written by me.

So unaccustomed to doing things for ME, pampering ME, giving something to Myself.....its very strange territory indeed.

That was me until a few years ago, when I took a big leap & moved from the city to the country. My sisters thought me mad, but I had always wanted to do this one thing, & finally I could, not because it was the sensible choice or the practical choice, but because I no longer had people dependent on me & I could do it "just for me".

Before now I never felt like I deserved or warranted nice things, everything had to be for sensible/practical reasons, my enjoyment didn't come into it. But since my move I am more willing to do/buy something because "i want to" "I will enjoy" rather than just because "I need to". It still feels strange but it is getting easier.

Wondering just when this "fear" took me over...or did it build up over a long period...or what? I faced all sorts of trauma and despair when younger....but I seemed stronger then than I do now...when nothing really threatening is happening to me!!
Who has the answer for this question of mine? Why did the irrational fear begin and what triggered it off?

I have wondered the same thing. Is it because past trauma hard wired my mind to look for danger/risk/harm in every situation. Is it because through out my life I have been told I'm dumb/ugly/useless at pretty much everything and having become accustomed to having my failings paraded by others, my default mindset is now I always fear someone will find fault with embarrassment to follow. Or is it something else that feeds these fears, I really don't know.

Paw Prints

[CMF]

Great thread Moon,

I'm scared of the postman...of what he will deliver.

Sometimes scared of my internet banking...the balances.

Scared of tax time...what if i make a mistake?

Scared of checking emails sometimes.

Scared of making mistakes, especially at work.

Scared of things needing repair at home...what will it cost/entail?

Scared something will happen to my car...won't start, flat tyre etc.

Scared of not making it back in time to pick up my daughter from after care.

Scared of the future.

These are the things that go round and round in my mind when anxiety strikes.

cmf x

[Moonstruck]

Oh CMF...I didn't realise you were scared of so much also... I feel for you, I really do.

I just wanted to report that I've had the first appt for my "cosmetic"dental work and needs one more. I nearly chickened out....I was scared, I really was.

My floor covering in the room that desperately needed it is done and looks SO much better. Nothing over the top, or luxurious but means a lot to me. I don't have to shudder whenever I look in there now...the old one was damaged and impossible to keep clean, always looked grubby and unkempt. The guy laying the floor was so pleasant....I was anxious the night before about this task too!!

Doing these just two things for "myself" has made me feel better. I must "take care"of my needs more often, doesn't have to involve a lot of money does it?...what's that old song "The best things in life are free"?......there's probably things and activities that would feel good and not cost much if I only venture outside my door and look!!

Baby steps though....I can only go Baby Steps at this stage...

CMF....sorry, couldn't resist replying to your first "scared of" i.e. the postman.

Take heart, we probably won't have one at all any more!!

No more paper mail...all online and then I will be the one who is Scared!!!! I have big trouble with I. T and its advances!!

[Paw Prints]

Hello Moonstruck,

I get the "scared" where dentists are concerned, so I think you deserve extra kudos for still going through with it. Hopefully having got through the 1st visit the 2nd will be a bit easier & you don't have a long wait for it to happen. It will make such a big difference for you, being able to talk, smile without embarrassment is so empowering.

It's good news that the bathroom floor is down & you're happy with it. That's two & 1/2 things done from your list of 3 things. The final dentist visit will make it 3 out of 3!!! You may only be taking baby steps, but you are certainly making great progress & should be very proud of yourself

Best Wishes

Paw Prints

[Moonstruck]

Getting my new SmartPhone next week....and beginning to wonder if I'm doing the right thing...how pathetic is that? I see everyone, literally all ages and intelligence working them and sending photos etc etc and checking stuff and downloading apps on there..(the Smiling Mind is one I want but don't have access to except by a phone)....and here am I, wondering if I can work one!!

What if I get it home and it just sits there on the table...a foreign object with strange signs and colours and I am scared of it.?? Why am I saying "what if" I am ALREADY scared of it!

[Paw Prints]

Hi Moonstruck,

I know some councils/community groups/libraries run classes in the basics of stuff like smart phones. If you feel able to attend then it could be a good way to learn as you're doing it surrounded by others who also aren't comfortable with IT.

Paw Prints

[Elizabeth CP]

Yes most people have smartphones & can do lots with them but they all had to learn at some point!!!! Is there someone you trust who could sit with you and help you get started. By trust I mean someone who knows what they are doing but patient enough to help you. Recently my BIL gave my husband an Iphone. My tech savvy son tried to help but he uses Android & couldn't get it working. (Because it was my BIL's it was password protected so we couldn't put in a new sim & use it) Eventually after several weeks of investigation he sorted it out. I share this to show how even people who know what they are doing can have trouble with phones so needing help is reasonable

My husband asked a friend who uses Iphones to set the phone up with the accessibility app (for blind people) This drove us crazy because we didn't know how to use it so it made it impossible to use the phone. Then we had a person from Vision Australia visit to teach us what to do. She set the phone up to suit us & then taught us what to do getting us to do each step several times until we were both confident & then moving on to the next step. I wrote notes so I'd remember everything.

Having that patient one- on- one help made it easy to learn how to use the phone (in our case using these aps for the blind)

I have been using a smart phone for several years but still turn to my son to help me when I get stuck. He has taught me how to use a number of functions on the phone which I love. He mentioned another app which he thinks will help e so I need to go for another lesson.

[CMF]

Hi Moon,

Re your phone, yes it can do many things but you don't need to know how to use everything. Start off with calls and texts and slowly work on the rest...if you feel the need to. My phone does so much but all i use is calls, texts, internet and camera. I don't really use all the other things ie email, word, excel etc as i don't need to. I have recently used Google maps for the first time. Try not to let it all overwhelm you, just use what you need.

cmf x

[Paw Prints]

Hi Moonstruck,

Just popping in to see how the new phone is going.

Paw Prints