panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[angelite]

Hi Sparkles

Sounds great being 43 I have never had a girls night out. Pathetic. Not even a movie or nails done. 

Good on you for making such an effort for Christmas.

Wow not long until you move I really don't know how you do it.

I haven't had a hair cut in two years and unable to let anyone near me since my husband violated me easter last year.

Any suggestions I'm just not good at being kind to myself.

Enjoy your day

Karen

[jacques]

Hi girls,

Well i decided to go, had a massive panuc attack at 3am it was unbelivable. Then i have been shaking ever sice.  I made it about 15min in the car before i got motion sickness, the whole 7 hours were hell felt nausious all the way. But i have arrived my family is real nice and supporive which helps, but you two are the ones who understand what i am really going through.

well Karen at least you will be able to make plenty of mashed or chips with your sack of potatoes. Oh well you will just have to get something nice for you self instead. Take care girls will message as often as i can.

big hugs

jacques

[jacques]

Hi Girls,

well not much to report on the scenery side, i was so focused on not getting sick i didn't really notice what was going on, we did almost hit a kangaroo, it was so close, but we missed it and it went on it's way, it was a pretty drive though, through the rolling hills, and the wine orchards, flowing over every hill, then their were the thourough bred horses in acher's and achers of paddocks, it was a sight to behold.

i only saw what was in front of me because if i turned my head i would feel sick, so sorry girls, not a lot to report.  the small towns were nice though, with a pub and a sevice station and not much else, lol.

i hope you two girls are going ok today and i know Karen you and i had a shocking night but i hope the day was ok for you.  sparkles i am sure you had a good day.

well for christmas i am hoping for some peanuts, i can't seem to get enough of them or macadamia's so i am easy to shop for.

i should have been an elephant with my wants, lol.

well i am still in a very anxious state, but i am managing, it is hard though.

anyway Sparkles only 4 more sleeps, if santa can fit down the chimney, lol, make sure you don't try to sneak a peak at santa christmas night, or you will not get any presents, lol.

ok i had better go, i hope i can sleep tonight, i am so jumpy today, take care girls, will be thinking of you Karen, please try to get some sleep, and i hope the flashbacks take a break tonight, have you tried having some meditation music going on low volumn just to give your mind something else to focus on, i know sometimes when i am really anxious i put some meditaion talks on and it is enough to get my mind to relax. it might be worth a try.

Jacques

[Sparkles183]

Hi Karen,

A girls night together will be so much fun, we can also have some wine, ( I have the fake wine because I don't drink) and some fancy cheese and a fruit platter, and then the the next day we can dress up real nice catch a limo after getting our hair done and go to a theatre restraunt, you are going to have so much fun with me.... It may not be real but close your eyes of a minute and imagine you having some relay close friends that treats you like a beautiful woman like you deserve as for ideas how to be kind to yourself let me wake up a bit as I am feeling sleepy from the meds and the heat and I will come up with 100 ideas how to be kind to yourself this christmas.

[Sparkles183]

Thanks for the update J,

it sounds like you drove through some relay nice country side, I am so sorry to hear about the panic attacks but it is good to hear that your family is real nice to you. I have not much to say at the moment as I am real sleepy feeling very nauseous I am looking forward to your updates 

take care and look after yourself 

sparkles 

[angelite]

Hey J

I've been so worried about you.

What an awesome effort, you have not been on holidays for 8 years, please take some time to give yourself some credit. 

I am so proud of you, what a brave and extraordinary person you are.

Oh by the way can you watch where you are standing bro those size 12 shoes hurt when you step on me. I told you I am with you holding your hand, don't forget no matter the challenges I am with you.

I so glad that your family are nice, want to swap.

I love anything with potatoes, cheese is next, then nuts yum.

Remember to breathe and take one step at a time, baby steps.

I'm disappointed that mum wouldn't let the cat team come to the house everyday to support me. But she says I've shamed them enough.

Sorry this post is all over the place I hope you understand.

Sparkles I've never done any of those things or had friends.

Hope the nausea settles.

Thinking of you both

Karen

So proud J xx

[Sparkles183]

Hi Karen & J,

This move seems to be very overwhelming to me I can’t seem to get organised and I seem to be creating more mess. So  I am a bit stressed out right now and anxiety is high to the point my arms seems so heavy even to type.

Any way here is a list of ideas you can do to be kind to yourself

1) Read a  good book   2) Work in the Garden   3) Make a Card                   4) Listen to your favourite music       5) Cook your favourite meal                  6) Bake a cake     7) Yoga      😎 Meditate    9) Photography                      10) Redecorate your room     11) Sit in the sun       12) Take a long Bath    13) Have a nice Glass of wine     14)  Watch a DVD                                   15) Listen to a relaxation CD       16) See a movie        17) Go for a drive             18)  Go out for coffee      19) Buy yourself something nice    20) Go camping 21) Go swimming    22) Go for a walk     23) Go to a park                                    24) Pick some flowers or buy some flowers      25) Eat chocolate                    26) Do some craft        27)     play a game  28) anything you desire

I hope you both got some good ideas how to be kind to your self.

 take care I hope your night is ok

 Sparkles

[angelite]

Hi Sparkles

Thanks for the ideas

I was going to ask you how you manage to move so many times.

I know if I could get away from my mum's abuse it would help me to heal myself any get the help that's being offered. I just feel strong enough anymore, warn down.

I'm sorry you are struggling it shows in your posts, anything I can do even if you just want to vent I'm here.

Nights and days just seem the same triggers,  flashbacks, anxiety, depression and darkness. At least I'm consistent.

Good luck with the doctor.

Be kind to yourself you have taken on so much this year, take some time to be proud of what you have achieved. 

Take care

Karen

[angelite]

Hi Sparkles

We must be sisters I don't drink either.

Looking forward to updates J when you can.

I wish everyone a night of peaceful sleep, no dreams, anxiety, or darkness. Doesn't hurt to hope.

Karen

[angelite]

Have to see my gp in the morning maybe if I hope just a little he will have found a psychiatrist for me.

Thinking of you both

Karen