panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[angelite]

Hey Jacques

I was just thinking about your what if list.

Option 1. Stay home by yourself (not ideal)

Option 2. Take the challenge on have faith in yourself that whatever happens you will find a solution

Option3. Sparkles and I are here to support you anytime, make use of that

Option4. I have written out on an earlier post some helpful techniques print them out so you can remember to use them.

J you are a remarkable, kind, compassionate person your family are lucky to have you. Remember that if they are unable to see the real Jacques not just symptoms, you know there are people here that care unconditionally for you. And take your suffering away if we could, have faith in us and yourself.

Please print up the poem I wrote for you, hold on to it, let it give you strength to get through the next few days. My gift to you J.

I'm so sorry I can't be more help to you there are no words for how awful today has been for me.

I'm always with you J never doubt that.

Be kind you are tackling a huge challenge be proud of yourself Jacques, I am

Karen

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

please don't see it as a low, it sounds like their are many people trying to help and keep you safe, it is a shame your mother is not more supportive, i am so lucky mum and her family are so supportive of me,  it is a shame that they can't check up with you on the phone? or just have a councilor call in just to chat?  their is no way you could go to the CAT and check in with them?

i am so sorry that you can't get support from your family, but remember Sparkles and i are here to support you, we are family now, and best of all we understand what each of us is going through.

sorry i can't think of solutions, i am just hoping that nothing goes wrong, and i am hoping it will be a quick visit, that is how i am coping, it is not the best i know but it is just too overwhelming for me to think any other way.

it is good you are going to your doctor again, he/she is trying so hard to help you, please remember that, even if the solution sounds otherwise, everyone is just trying to help.

oh my gosh, you are so lucky, it would be great if you could get a house nearby, give you something to focus on and look forward to, i think your own space will do you good, and give you some place to relax, is is so green and pretty, i would love to have something like that in my back yard, i am going to try hard nex year to make something like that, but instead of a river a big pond.

i am trying to breath, i have a shocking headache at the moment and i am struggling, but i will fight on.

Take care Karen, please try to see the positive in all of this, maybe you will look back one day and see how lucky you were to have so many people looking out for you.

i am thinking of you, big hugs.

Jacques

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

gosh i bet the next 5 days will go real slow, lol, it is always the way when you are looking forward to something, so we had better do a count down, i will send a message every day, ok.

i don't know about music, or snack's as i get bad motion sickness, so the snacks are out, and i don't think m mother and uncle would like the music i listen to so i don't think i will be able to do that either, but i will definatly let you know what i see on the way, it will take my mind off of the tri and holliday.

thank you so much for the support, i feel like i am taking and not giving, as i can't see how i have helped you and Karen, but it is very humbling to think i have helped you both, i will talk to my two sisters when i need to, i will have the net so i will probably be on here very often, so i apologize ahead of time for the venting and winging.

take care Sparkles and will talk with you soon, i probably won't be able to send another message til tomorrow night.

Jacques

[angelite]

Hey Sparkles

Thanks for understanding.

I hope you get some rest after such a busy day.

Karen

[Sparkles183]

Hi Karen I can see you been fighting real hard I think you need to treat yourself to something real nice for christmas, I will make sure I tell Santa you have been good this year.

I hope your night is ok 

take care I am thinking of you

sparkles 

[Sparkles183]

Now J,

you can't ruin my Christmas and tell me Santa is not real because we or know he is real, how else will all the presents get under the tree. Lol ha ha ha ha ha. Lol jokes I hope I made you smile.....

So J and Karen

I have a deal for you both and you can't refuse, you are both got a signed contract now ha ha ha . So the deal is I figured we all been through a lot lately and we have all been trying our best to fight so this week we all have to treat ourselves to something nice  for christmas because we all deserve it. And we have to come back and tell each other how we treated ourselves. So some examples can be a nice cup of coffee, chocolates, a haircut a nice meal it totally up to you. I am looking forward to hear how you treated yourselves 

take care 

sparkles 

[angelite]

Hey kids

Well its 2 am so my nights going as well as my day. Can't wait until the sun is up. J I'm thinking of you. You know I'll be in the back seat with you. I don't say much. But I'm there looking out the window. I don't take up much room. Hope your mum won't mind.

Take care

Sparkles the most I'll. Get for Christmas is a sack of potatoes.

The only present I got for my birthday was from my friends who here.

Thanks for thinking of me

Hope you got some sleep

Karen

[angelite]

Oh btw I would really wish these flashbacks would stop

Just saying

[angelite]

Hey J

The sun is nearly up,and the birds are singing. Today is the day to call on all your inner strength and fight. I'll be right by your side hiding your hand helping you. Oh by the way don't step on me!!!!

Try and look out the window tell us what you see.

If you become to overwhelmed with your family, pretend to be on your phone. That's what I do.

Will give you a chance to let me know how you are going.

I'm here to help J

Good luck, remember I'm the quiet one in the back, you may not notice me but I'm there

Big hugs

Karen

[Sparkles183]

Hi Karen,

i am sorry to hear about the flashback, if I could be their for u right now u know I would and we can give each other manicures and pedicures and watch a girly movie and eat lots of junk food just like good friends do.

i don't normally get much for christmas and this year is the first christmas ever in my 31years of life that I did not want to partake but something I learnt over my short time on this earth is walk in the opposite spirit and to fake it until u make it so I don't want christmas this year so I made sure I decorated my house and put a gift under the christmas tree for myself.

i did get some sleep last night but was in a bit of a panic I think it may be something to do with packing everything up and leaving in less then 2 weeks.

so u still can't get out of the contract I want to hear how you was nice to yourself this week.

take care 

sparkles