panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[jacques]

Hi Hiddenite,

i am proud of myself for going on hollidays, but hope not to do it again for a very long time, it makes me realize how crap my life is and how much i have missed out on, seeing people go about their day's activities without fear, living a life makes me so depressed knowing i will never have that. 

i am so glad i was able to help you and i am humbled by your kind words, it means a lot to me that strangers like yourself and others i have been talking to is able to give me something positive to hold onto, something to think about in my darkest moments.

i am going to start walking tomorrow after the holliday, i hurt my ankle while on hollodays and had to rest it, but i have to start walking so tomorrow it is.

i understand how hard it is, i look at the ground too, praying that people will not speak to me, if i see someone i will cross the road, and do anything to avoid people, i hope one day you will be able to walk again when you are ready, i know it is hard, but i know for me it does help being out of the house, if only for 30 min a day.

wow i am impressed that you are teaching yourself how to use the internet, i am self taught too, i know how hard it is to type when you are shaking i am often shaking when i am typing here. but please be patient, it is really worth it, being able to talk to people without seeing them makes interacting for people like us so much better.

i have not seen the frogs, but here them when it rains, they have such a beautiful sound and always look forward to them singing, i am going to build them a pond, mum wants some fish in their too, so it will be a wildlife sanctuary by the time i am finished, i find nature more interesting than socialising with people, animals don't judge and are not nasty, they show unconditional love, and have a real calming effect on me, so many times in my darkest most distressed times wildlife has been my saviour.

i hope things get better for you soon and you are able to get some help dealing with your issues, it makes it much easier not having to fight alone, i have found no help from mental heath professionals but have found great help just talking to others like me.

Take care, speak to you soon.

Jacques

[jacques]

Hi Hiddenite,

Thank you for giving me some encouragement, and i am always humbled by people like yourself saying i give them strength, i don't know how, but i am happy to help others in this situation.

i know how hard it is to get motivated to do anything, i try to sleep as much as possible to make the days go quicker, i know it is no solution but i too just want to isolate from society, but i think we both know that it is not the road to take, i don't know your situation but for me being alone for 14 years has made things so difficult that it is difficult to reverse the damage i have done to myself mentally.

Don't worry about the system error, i get them too sometimes, it is from the Beyond Blue web site and not something you have done.  and i have read others have had the same problem.  i am proud of you takeing on such a difficult task like teaching yourself computer skills, i know it is a complex thing to learn, but can be very rewarding and opens up some wonderful places like these BB forums.

i feel so alone too, for the longest time i thought it was rare to be completely isolated from society and comming here to the BB forums has shown me i am not the only one, i find comfort knowing i can post here any time about my worries and not be judged.  i feel so safe here and don't know what i would do without it.

if i can be so bold as to give you advise, it is this, get help early on with social anxiety, the longer you leave it the worse it gets.

Well now the frogs are just fine, they have been singing up a treat here with all of the rain, i have not seen the frogs in the pot plant but i am sure they are their, just a little shy i think;)

the pig is going well, i here her of a day tipping over her container of water for her daily mud bath, and snorting when the care taker arrives with her oats, she so looks forward to meal times, i am not sure if she is having pigletts as she does not seem to be putting on weight, but she is so cute, even being covered in mud.

their is now a lame duck on the farm, i think it might have been injured at some point as it has trouble walking, he/she has been placed in with the chickens, and is now following them aroung like a little puppy dog, copying all of the things the chicens do and chasing them around, he/she is a little worse for ware, but i am really warming to it, i think i will become attatched to it too, as i have all of the animals their.

well i hope today is a better day for you.

Take care

Jacques