panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

you are right it is a beautiful place, i am staying in a private estate on a golf corse, the beach is 2 blocks away, it is so beautiful and i am having several daily panic attacks, i just can't seem to enjoy myself, i spent the whole afternoon today in a panic, then i went to my uncles place a few houses down, just to return home to a family disagreement, i was put in the middle of it, so now i am sitting here writing to you having a panic attack, i so wish i was back home, in peace and alone, whenever i am somewere i seem to get into the middle of things, now it looks like i have just made things worse, maybe i should not have come.

sorry to sound so selfish, i know so many people would do anything to have a wonderful family and have a holliday were i am.

sorry to bring the tone down, things seemed to be going good this morning just to go downhill thisafternoon.

anyway i apologise, i feel so sorry for you, i know how stressfull moving can be, when i had to move in 1994 it almost destroyed me, i was starting to get on top of my anxiety when i was 12, just to go back to living in fear being away from my mum and dad, it must be so hard getting things packed and the multitude of things you need to organise before you go, if you need support, please feel free to allow me to help you, i am always here for you like you are for me.

i don't know when i go home, until this afternoon it looked ike we were staying for at least another week, now i don't know, i feel like i am under so much pressure and feel bad about "rocking the boat" i am struggling with the panic attacks which are several times a day, and getting worse.

anyway i will chieck in several times a day over the next few days to support you, maybe when you are "on the road" you might feel better, anyway i am wishing you all the best and an easy and trouble free move.

take care sister

Jacques

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

I am missing you so much i could cry.  I could really use your help now. Especially after today. It has been a disaster for me.  Mum is calming down and i am caught in the middle.  It is so difficult to deal with family sometimes.  O can sort of understand now why you go to the river. It seems so much easier.  If i were at home i would have locked myself in my bedroom.

i hope you are doing ok.  I am so concerned about your welfare i hope you have managed to get some love and support.  But seeing how you have been treated i think you may still be struggling too.  I wish their were some way i could support you like you have me. I feel so lucky to have had you in my life for the short time you were able to converse with me.

please hang in their i am always thinking of you, were you are and how you are going.

take care big sis

Jacques

[Sparkles183]

Thanks j,

I am so sorry to hear about your family, 😞  I strongly dislike family disagreements as well and I know I am happier when I live away from them. Well I have been shaking a lot for the last two days and feel really warned out. But I am really looking forward to my plane ride tomorrow night and trying to think positive about everything I hope everything calms down in your family.

take care I am here if you need me 

sparkles 

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

i am so glad that you eave tomorrow, that means you should almost be backed, maybe the shaking will stop when you get on the plane, i know the thought is worse than the actual action, how long is the plane ride? how long will it take for your gear to arrive?

things here are tence but managable, i am struggling with the awkwardness with everyone not talking or having to justify problems, just trying to keep the peace, while being angry about it all at the  same time.

you are right it is better being away from family and only seeing them now aand again than to go through all of the hasle of the confrontations, too many things can go wrong, anyway hopefully i can go home soon and isolate from society again, it is so exhausting for me.

please take care, let me know you are safe when you get a chance from your plane ride;) i will be thinking of you little sis

Jacques

[Sparkles183]

Thanks J,

it is just 23 hours now until I catch my plane, the plane ride is a long 5 hours trip, but I like going on planes so I am not nervous at all. I am now sweating like anything doing my final cleaning I also had to unpack my swimmers today so I can go for a swim as it has been way to hot... Any way I will let u know when I get there take care 

sparkles 

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles and Karen,

wel  things have gone from bad to worse, there is no one talking here, every one is in their own rooms, and i did the same just to not get so stressed, it is comming to the point where i wished i stayed home.

i am so glad i don't have too much contact with family, i think after this i will stay home and allow mum to go on her own, just so she can have some fun, i hink it is me causing the problems, i can't seem to keep my mouth shut, and i think i have made things worse, not better.

anyway happy New Year Guys, i hope this year is kinder to you all and things get better.

well i suppose Sparkles yu wil be getting close to having to leave for the airport, it is good you don't mind flying, it must make the trip so much more better.  i think some of your stress will decrease when you leave, i hope you manage to settle in quickly. 

Karen if you are still out their i hope the new year is a new start for you, i hope Christmas and the new year was not too stressful with family, like it was for me.

well take care guys, be kind to yourselves and i will be thinking of you all.

Jacques

[jacques]

Hi sparkles,

I hope the plane trip went alright. And you are settling in.  

Today was better the family member causing the problem has left and things are quieting down. We had a calm day and it was very relaxing.  I even managed to go to the shops, had a panic attack after though.

anyway hope everything is going ok, take care

jacques

[Sparkles183]

Hi J

i am glad things are getting better for u, and I am so proud of u for going to the shops, things can only get better from here. 

So I am living my new place and enjoying myself

take care and let us know how things are going 

sparkles 

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

i am so glad you have settled into your new place, and you are enjoying yourself, is it very different from were you came from? how are the people? if you have time i would really like to hear a description of where you are.

well things are good today, all calm, i am still struggling to sleep of a night, but i seem to be able to catch up during the day.  today is one of the first days that i have been able to truly relax, it feels strange being "on Hollidays" brings back memories of my past, when ever i talk to family i always manage to get around to talking about bad times, it seems ingrained in me to always be negative, i just can't say positive things, i seem to always focus on bad things, sorry i am ramblig on, please ignore me.

anyway i am glad you made it safe and sound, enjoy your new life and please get back to me about what it is like were you are living now.

take care little sister

Jacques

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

Sorry it has been a while, i have been meaning to send you a message but i have not been in a good place mentally, but i am sitting here on hollidays thinking of you my friend and am so worried about you. I wish you were able to tell me how you are going. I am assuming you are still reading these forums down at that beautiful river bank.

when ever i see an animal now i think of you, i have so much to tell you i just hope in the future you and i can speak on day.

i will put up a new photo this week just for you.  I have a pretty photo of a kangaroo and a joey.

take care my friend i am always thinking of you

jacques