panic attack at seeing people i know

jacques · ‎05-06-2014

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

Sparkles183 · ‎26-12-2014

Hi J,

i know it is not a nice thing waking up in a panic attack I had few of them a few months ago and it did scare me. When that happened to me I would do something to district my mind and practiced my breathing techniques.

I am glad that u are seeing leaving your house as a positive now and not a negative and u are see what an achievement u made.

Please remember you are doing well.... I was also wondering if the medication you are currently taking is the only meds you been on? As some times the first meds you take is not the best meds for the people who take them. And you may be able to find something that takes the edge of your anxiety a bit more and that does not have the horrible side effect of the nausea you have. I don't know it is something you should speak to your doctor about on your next visit.

And may I suggest to be honest with your doctor with what you are going through as the when I did go to my GP a few weeks ago it was the. First time I was honest with her and it is the best thing I could of ever done.

anyway have a great day big brother I hope the new year for you be the best you ever had

take care

sparkles

jacques · ‎26-12-2014

Hi Sparkles & Karen (if you are out their)

thank you, you have been so supportive and i don't think i could have done it without you and Karen, i am struggling and i know i will have bad depression and severe anxiety when i get home.

I have tried to keep busy to stop myself from focusing on the anxiety, i am pushing myself and doing things i would not have dreamed of a few months ago, and will probably not do again, but it has been nice pretending to be normal, it brings back memories.

i will try when i see my mothers doctor in june, i might try for a medication change, but i don't think i could be honest about what i am going through, it is just too humiliating, i just prefer to say it here where no one knows me.

i am glad you feel comfortable enough to speak to your doctor, it makes a big difference to getting treatment, and they may be able to get specialised help for you.

i am wishing you all the best for the new year, i know you will succeed in whatever you do, you are a kind and special person and you deserve to have a wonderful life (that goes for you too Karen).

anyway pease take care i will speak to you tomorrow.

P.S. you sound like you are doing a lot better, i am glad it was just a 24 hour bug.

Jacques

jacques · ‎27-12-2014

Hi Karen,

i have been up for a couple of hours now, i woke up at 3:30am, can't sleep, i know you are out their somewer reading this, i just wish i could talk to you now, to give me some support, i so miss you words can't explain, i know you must be missing me too.

i hope Christmas was not too tough on you, but i know it would have been, i hope you went to that beautiful place by the river, i can almost imagine it.

i have been really struggling without you, i am trying to keep busy, just to keep the panic atacks at bay, but i know when i get home i will pay for it, i have to say it has been really nice here, but i am so looking forward to getting home, i don't think i will leave it for a month, i feel so safe their, so secure.

take care my friend and don't forget i am still your family, i still care for you even though we can't speak, you are always in my thoughts.

Jacques

Sparkles183 · ‎27-12-2014

Hi J,

you have not got rid of me yet.ha ha ha I am still your little sister.

i think you are right I am so warned out from the move and work placement and it is making a toll on my body. I slept most of the day and I kept wondering why I was so tired the about 16:45 I realised I had not had my cup of coffee.. Ha ha ha no wonder I could not function.

I know what you. Mean it is so much easier to open up to people who don't know who you are that why these forums are so good.

I was only half honest with my GP once and that is when gave me a higher dose of AD and gave me a PRN, but the only reason I was honest as I was concerned for my own safety. But I do feel more comfortable talking to her now. We also must remember what we say to the doctor is 100% confidential they only have to let someone else know under special circumstances, and if they break confidentiality they can get in big trouble. Also doctors has came across a lot of things in their life as a doctor you may feel like the only person with your condition but most likely they have came across it before and therefore they know how to help you.

I know it is still hard to go to the doctor for me too and be completely honest but I am glad you are going to talk to your doctor about your meds when you go back., who knows it may help.

Anyway i hope you have a good sleep with no panic attacks

take care

sparkles

jacques · ‎28-12-2014

Hi Sparkles,

i have been amazed the things i have said here, it is so uncomfortable to say it, but it feels like a load off telling you girls, it is still humilliating and i would not tell anyone face-to-face, but somehow it seems a reliefe to tell someone.

i can't be honest with my doctor as it would distress me too much.

well i had a huge panic attack last night, i am really starting to get worn down with the panic attacks, i can't get over how exhaused i am, but mum is really enjoying herself so it is worth while for me, it has been so long since i have seen her this happy, i feel so guilty for making her life so miserable, that is why i do anything i can to make her life a little better and easier.

i am glad your medication is working and i am glad you are safe, as you are the only one i can talk to now, their is no one else.

thank you i didn't even think about the possibility that a doctor has come across an adult with seperation anxiety, maybe when i get settled with my mothers doctor i might bring it up, but it will be a while.

i am glad you are able to have a rest, i thought it was a big thing to do work placement and move house, so i am glad things aren't as hectic how and you are able to look after yourself, are you doing anything special for new years?

the good old coffee, it is amazing how the

body dosn't function without it, i have reduced my intake to 5 cups, maybe that is why the panic attacks are so bad, maybe the anxiety coupled with caffeen withdrawel is making it worse.

well Christmas gifts i got lots and lots pf peanuts, so i am in heaven, it will take me months to get through them, ha, ha.

anyway Sparkles look after yourself and i hope you have a great day

Jacques

jacques · ‎28-12-2014

Hi Sparkles,

I have been really struggling today. I was awake at 6am with a panic attack, then i got really adjitated and went back to bed at 9am i have been asleep for 5 hours. I had to really push nyself to get up. I could have staued their all day feeling sorry for myself.

sorry for the vent, i just can't talk to family about it, they don't seem to be able to handle it. They want me happy all the time or want everything to be positive and i just can't do that when i am on this state of anxiousness.

thank you for listening Sparkles it means a great deal to me. I wish Karen was here to talk to also, i could use her support right about now.

anyway take care little sister.

Jacques

Sparkles183 · ‎28-12-2014

Hi J,

remember you can vent to me when ever you want I am glad to hear that you feel comfortable talking to me. I am sorry to hear you woke up in a panic I know it can be very exhausting and some times all you do want to do is sleep I totally understand, Anxiety is a bugger to live with not many people really understands

I know what you mean it is so hard to pretend to be happy I have had to the same over christmas as well as no one in my family knows about my depression and anxiety so I just have to pretended to be happy that can be very exhausting please Remember I am here if you need to vent J and I will always listen

take care

sparkles

Sparkles183 · ‎29-12-2014

Hi Jacques,

i hope u are felling better today

nice photo, please remember you are welcome to vent when ever you want I am here to listen anytime.

Take care

sparkles

jacques · ‎29-12-2014

Hi Sparkles,

thank you so much for listening, i know you will listen and i am so lucky to have you to listen to me, i am feeling better thank you for asking.

the photo is from the place i am staying at, it is so nice i fell so bad about having anxiety being here, it is like a resort, i am so lucky to have family being so kind to mum and i, they picked us up from our home and are taking us back, because we don't have a vehicle reliable enough to make the distance, they are so kind to me, but i am still full of fear, i feel so bad.

anyway enough about me, how are you, are you starting to calm down, how are the moving pans going?

please take care little sister, remember i am always here for you like you are for me.

Jacques

Sparkles183 · ‎30-12-2014

Hi J,

that does look like a beautiful place you sure are lucky to have such an amazing family.

my anxiety has been up and down like a roller coaster and I now only have 2 more days to I move.

so have u found out yet when u are going back home?

take care and look after yourself

sparkles