panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[angelite]

Hey J

Got a bad case of the what ifs..........

What if I can't find the place tomorrow

What if I can't find a parking spot

What if there is a man in the waiting room

What if I can't stay

What if I am unable to walk in the psychiatrist office

What if I can't talk

What if I panic

What if he wants me to take more medication

What if I have to go back to the mhu

What if.......its endless....

I even saw my gp today

My heads spinning I have tried all my grounding techniques, distracted, walked, overwhelmed, anxiety, long night ahead.

Posative affermations, used my senses, breathing meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, run out of options any suggestions about now I'll be grateful for. 

Karen

[Sparkles183]

Hi J

i know it is easier said then done but you should not be too hard on yourself on what people say to u or think about you. Remember most of the time it is not true or they do not know your situation, so please be kind to yourself despite what others may say, when you start to take notice of them people it will just make your anxiety and depression a lot higher and that is the last thing u want.

I think I am to hard on myself as well I still don't believe I will  not be a good nurse and achieve my dreams.

i know what u mean about having no energy I think it is just another symptom of our mental illness but at the moment I feel I need to sleep to get away from the high levels of depression and anxiety I have at he moment. But as I said earlier I do plan to go to my GP this week so no need for anyone to worry about me. Although I do wish I was in a better place and had more energy as I have so much to do at the moment.

Please be kind to yourself and take care

sparkles 

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

wow that's great news, so your doctor has found you a psychiatrist? if so i hope it works out for you this time, it is so exhausting having to tell mental health professionals time and time again about what happened to you, i know after two times for me was just too much, and i only went to one session each, i just hope this time for you, you can get the help you so deserve.

you will find getting a good nights sleep will do wonders for your mental health, i know when i do manage to get a good nights sleep i feel so much better, even if it is only for a few hours it is a start.

you are right it is so hard to remember, especially in the middle of a panic attack, i had several panic attacks last night and have been so tired all day, i tried my clothes on today for the trip, none of them fit, i must have gained around 30KG just over the past 3 months, the binge eating is out of control, it is my only coping strategy, worrying about this trip at Christmas has been so traumatic for me, it will be the first time in 8 years i have left the house for more than a few hours, i just can't wait for it to be over and be back home.

so my mum is busy putting pieces into my clothing to make them fit, i was doing so well with the weight loss, but it looks like 7 years of exercise is down the drain, i am back to the weight i was in 2007.

i am proud of you getting to the doctors, you have managed to go twice in a week, last week you were struggling to go once, you are so strong.

anyway i hope you get some sleep tonight, when i hear the birds tomorrow morning when i go walking i will be thinking of you;)

Jacques

[angelite]

Hi J

The psychiatrist is three hour trip, a man and he specializes in dementia. So for me who has ptsd, depression, anxiety, including social anxiety, my main trigger is men. It is a huge challenge apart from being scared of endind back in the mhu. I know I need help but it doesn't make it easier. Having to relive the trauma leaves me in such a dark place afterwards and the difficulty I have coming back from that. I think that is the greatest challenge. I will take the helpline number with me just in case.

I will be thinking of everyone here at BB because I know you want me to go and find a way to stay. So l hope you don't mind but I will be thinking of you tomorrow telling me I have to go and stay.

Take care J

Karen

[Sparkles183]

Thanks Karen,

i am trying my best to stay strong and if things do get to hard I will try to contact BB again, thanks for. Caring 

Sparkles 

[angelite]

Hi guys

Just don't have the right words today. I have been online for help. 

Thinking of you and I'm still fighting

Karen

[angelite]

Hey J

you are probably out walking by now. Birds are singing.

I've come up with a plan how to get through today. I've looked up where I have to go on Google, they even had a picture of the place, so at least I know what it looks like. Parking is going to be an issue but I have decided I will park away from the place and walk. I will take my note book with me so if I cannot talk it has everything in it so I can show him that. I'm sure he's seen lots of people so the fact I can't talk to people and shake a lot I hope won't bother him too much and that I won't be able to make eye contact. The waiting room is going to be difficult but my note book has my grounding techniques in it. I am also going to think of the people at bb who think I deserve to get help and should stay. I have the numbers of help lines written down I always end up in a dark place after reliving the trauma so I will use that to help. Anyway it took awhile but I am going to fight to get through today and get the support I need. Hopefully this psychiatrist can offer support. If I end up back in the mhu I will have to accept that and do my best.

I wouldn't have managed last night but I reached out for help and felt so much better afterwards. These places play such an important part supporting people. I wouldn't be here without them. Its such a shame not everyone can see how valuable a service like bb is. I would never have sought help in the first place if it wasn't for the help and support from bb.

Anyway my friend I have to get going. I will be thinking of you today. Giving me strength to get through this.

I hope your day is ok I understand how difficult things are for you at the moment but I am here for you and you are not alone.

Take care

Karen

[Sparkles183]

Hi Karen,

i am sorry to hear that u are in a bad way at the moment, I can imagine it will be hard to see a male psych, it is good that u have used the online help, u are much braver then I am in that area. I truly hope things get better soon. I decided that I could not take this any longer so I made my appointment for today with my GP I just hope I don't have to see that psych but I guess if I do have a panic attack if I see him I be in the right place for it.

Good luck with today and take care

sparkles  

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

i will start this post with some points:

• YOU ARE AN AMAZING WOMAN
• YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN
• YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO US ALL
• YOU ARE AN INTELLIGENT WOMAN

i can't believe how you are able to go through all of the things like a check list of what you need to do and how you are going to do it, i wish i had the strength you do, for you to even contemplate seeing a male psychiatrist is amazing, let alone do it, but here you are seeing a male psychiatrist and not only that accepting that you will receive whatever treatment is on offer, i am so proud of you today i can't put it into words.

i have the same problems with what if's too, but i don't do what you do, maybe i should make a check list, but i don't seem to have the strength, i had another shocking night, up most of the night hyperventilating and worrying about this trip, this morning my mother has promised me this will be the last trip we will ever have to do,  which has given me some relief.

yes the birds were singing when i managed to go walking, and i was thinking of you, even the animals from the farm next door were vocal which always brings a smile to my face.

anyway i am pretty tired now so i will go, i will see how you are later this afternoon, i will be thinking about you today and hope you manage to make it through the day without too much distress, take care sis and be strong.

Jacques

Hi Sparkles,

i am proud of you too, going to the doctor even with the other psych their, you are amazing too, i could not do that, so i am proud.

take care little sis

Jacques

[Sparkles183]

Thanks Jacques,

i did go to the doctor today and when I was in the waiting room waiting for my GP I did see him walk out of his office, I don't think he saw me but it made me in a real low mood so it is the first time my GP seen me in a low mood like that, she changed my Antidepressant dose and gave me another PRN, med just for a month for when my anxiety gets real bad, but with my training I know only to take that if things get real bad.

I told her about my overwhelming thoughts about self harm and how I have been in contact with beyond blue about that, she was happy to hear that I do have coping strategies and  reminded me to get in contact with beyond blue when things get too hard, she wanted me to see my psych sooner but I told her I can't get in until next Tuesday. So I have another appointment    with her next Mondays ( I think for a safety check to see if I am improving) and before I walked out of the office she had to make sure that I would not do anything to myself I  told  her I had no plans and when things do get overwhelming I will contact BB,  so evry thing did go ok and I made sure I treated myself to a bacon and egg burger before my appointment.

so my lesson from this that the doctors are here to help us and when we do start seeing symptoms getting worse seek help straight away.

thanks for listening Jacques and Karen and being their for me through these crazy times.

take care 

sparkles