panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[angelite]

Hi J

Thanks for looking up the information for me my understanding of technology is very limited as its only been this year that I have had access to technology. I sure have been left behind.

I will agree with those thoughts because the are exactly how I feel. You have the words when I don't. I get comfort knowing that I'm not the only one that feels that way. 

J I have not known freedom since I was 17. Isolated, no friends you know the story. You don't have to explain it to me I know.

Please J I need to be allowed to feel what you do it is OK. I see what you see feel what you feel. 

I'm so sorry that your mum got hurt yesterday I hope she is ok. I bet the birds did get a laugh.

You know I'm here anytime J that is something you don't have to worry about.

I didn't make the Dr today but have made an appointment for tomorrow, I don't have a good feeling about it.

I did take my car to get repaired today it was just awful, I'm so exhausted from reacting to such small things. I ended up having to contact bb just not doing very well. The shaking gives it away every time,  and it just got worse.

I'll let you know what happens with the gp I'm sure you already do.

Thanks for the hug I really need it after the day I've had.

I'm sure the shaking comes from the anxiety not the meds because I had it first. I find the more I try to stop it the worse it gets.

I got such a fright today while going for a walk a man came up behind me and put his hand on my back, I didn't know him and I'm sure he ment no harm but I'm sure you know how I reacted. I get so easily startled and its so difficult to come back from its hard not feeling safe.

I hope your injuries are OK and please be more careful J.

The weather is hot and sticky makes the nights even longer, but I did manage some time by the river.

Take care

Karen

[angelite]

Hi J

Hope its a nice morning where you are. Well the sun is nearly up so that's a good thing. The bird's are singing  to a new day. Wouldn't you just love some of their joy.

I have to see the dr today some how manage the waiting room.  I'm so scared that he will send me back to the mhu.

It would be great if you can spend some time on your boat today.  It must be nearly finished.  I know your trying the most difficult parts with the rigging.  It must be so difficult with the shakes. But im looking forward to seeing a picture when you are finished.  I bet its awesome. 

Im going for a walk this morning as usual try and clear the head im nearly back to 10 km a day but it has been a challenge.  After being in hospital.  I will be thinking of you J and hope you have a great day. 

Karen

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

well one small step for man, one giant leap for woman kind, i can't believe you managed to make it to get you car repaired, you should be so proud, you managed it and i know all of the anxiety symptoms you would have been experiancing, but you still did it, i am proud of you.  hopefully no one runs into you anymore.

it was my pleasure, i am just hoping you can find something out of the information to help you move on and have at least some joy in life again, you so deserve it.

i am sure the doctor will do what is best for you, everyone cares about you and only wants to see you better and able to have some happyness in your life again.  i know it is hard to see that in the state we are in, i question what people are trying to do for me to, but we just need to allow the help that comes our way.

i am glad you managed to reach out to BB, it is in those times it is good to have a service like BB just to get you through the really rough moments.

i have the same problem with shaking, i was working on the boat this morning and no matter what i do the shaking gets worse, i usually have to stop for a few hours until it is under control again.

geeze sounds scary, i have a real thing about people touching me, i startle easy too, and just freeze when friends, family or strangers touch me, people find it weird but i think it is the anxiety coupled with the fact my parents were not the affectionate type, we never huged or showed any affection to me, which was ok with me, but i find it hard now to have anyone huug me or touch me.  you must have been terrified, with what you have gone through and knowing all of the sickos out their that attack women, i can understand how frightened you must have been.

it is a beautiful morning here, we had rain last night and all of the birds are churping here too, and you are right it would be nice to have some of their happyness, maybe one day you and i will have the happieness we deserve.

i can't believe you are new to technology, you are doing well, i know so many people who struggle to know the basics, you seem to be like a duck to water with technology, you should be proud of yourself for learning how to use computers and i assume all by yourself, congradulations.

well i hope all goes well with the doctors appointment, please take care, i will be thinking of you today and hope you get the help you so deperetly need.

Big Hugs, big sis

Jacques

[angelite]

Hey J

The car won't be ready till Thursday so the stress of having to drop it off, the man while walking and having a phone call from the place where I had the meeting the other day telling me I have to go back left me in such a dark place.

I failed again with the doctor flashback in the waiting room darkness again I so sick of this, exhausted and overwhelmed. Can't shake such horrible things.

It took me three weeks to work out how to get an email account. I still don't know how to send one. I tried to change my picture here but couldn't work it out. No help just me you know that.

Hey J just wondering how come your gp doesn't send you to a mhu. Or are you better at putting on the mask.

I will post again later hopefully I'll get myself together by then

Karen

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

Please don't stress, you have done s much this past week of course you are exaused, you have acomplished more than me, i know what it is like, by the end of the time out having to interact you are at a point where you are in a daze, but look you managed to get to the repairer, and you survived, remember small steps, i am so proud of you ringing BB when things got too much, i know how hard it must have bee nfor you to ring in the first place, i hope they were able to help you.

i will help you get throug the meeting, look you made it the other day, and you will make it through this meeting, i will support you every step of the way ( just look out for my size 12 boot, lol)

you didn't fail to go to the doctor, you didn't manage to go to the doctor, lease don't be so hard on yourself, i can only manage to go once every 6 months, it is way to much for me to go as often as you, so you are doing way better than me.

if you would like i will teach you how to send an email.

My GP does not know what is going on with me, as i only go every 6 months and hide all of how i am, i have become so adept at hiding my symptoms no one really knows but you and the people here.

alright hear goes, how to change a pic on BB

step 1. find an image you like on the internet or your own personal photos, add it to My Documents  

step 2. log into BB

step 3. go to my account

step 4. go to change profile image

step 5. go to select new profile image

step 6.  a window will pop up for you to find the image you downloaded or chose and click on open

Step 7. once you have chosen the image a window will say loading image, then a preview of your image will open up for you to zoom in on your chosen image shrink by moving the little gray boxes in the corner of the image, when you are happy with it click upload this profile image.

step 8. BB will have to view the image to make sure it is suitable so give it some time and hey presto, new profile image.

see how you go, i will be most interested and proud if you can manage this.

big hugs and take care.

Jacques

[angelite]

Hey J

That's awesome I will give it a go on a better day there will be questions as well hope you don't mind remember I'm the dumb blonde, size 4 children's shoes.

I have become so overwhelmed with the PTSD and anxiety symptoms I have detached it's really scary when this happens and find it so difficult to come back from. 

Please stay with methis is a really horrible.

I will try the Dr again tomorrow, just setting myself up to fail again. So useless, hopeless...

Karen

[Sparkles183]

Hi Karen

Thanks for the info

You must be so brave contacting the support lines I still don’t know if I could bring myself to it. Even if it is just a online chat I hate it when people sound like they are worried about me even though I know I am such a dark place at the moment I know deep down I be ok.

When I first got diagnosed with depression I only went to the GP because I was getting black outs at work and I walked out with a diagnosis of depression instead of getting help at that time I quit my job and did a runner and this time the only reason I first decided to go to the GP to get help it I because I was getting panic attacks on the last work placement so both times I did seek help it was because of I was to career focused and afraid of what others will think of me, so I find it hard to reach out when it is just for me.

BB emailed me encouraging me to reach out and said it sounds like I am both physically and emotionally drained and I think they are right like they usually are.

I was thinking maybe I am building up so much tension because I am so busy during the day to even think about anything and when I come home it builds right up but I normally carry tension in my back and shoulders so I was thinking going for a 15 minute shoulder massage on the weekend that might be a better way to release it.

I hope you manage to see your GP, and all goes well and can understand the fear of ending up in a MHU, I was wondering can you get access to private health insurance? As from what I seen a private clinic is much better then public. I know insurance cost a lot of money esp if you have no job but may be worth it I been thinking about joining myself, but first I need to get the funds which means find a job which equals anxiety ironic ha.

I never realised how common phone anxiety was until coming to these forums I have seen other people talking about it so we are not alone sister it seems like we are not as mad as we think, lol.

Karen you deserve more then you could imagine make sure u treat yourself when you go to the GP for being so brave because you deserve it.

Take care and have a good night

Sparkles

[Sparkles183]

Hi J

wow you do drink a lot of coffee I only can handle a couple of cups a day I had to cut back including on a lot of foods I loved because I was getting a real bad burning feeling (reflux) in my throat a couple of months ago to the point I could not eat so my GP advised me not to drink coffee but I cut back instead.

It is great that you and Karen believe in me as I find it hard to believe in myself at the moment. Yay only 3 more days then next week I am off to a place I know I enjoy I have enjoyed this place more then I first thought and I think my meds must help take the edge off the anxiety in the workplace, as last time I would just freeze and have panic attacks. I have to have a little giggle as some of the other nurses has made comments of how I am always smiling it is amazing what we can hide behind the mask, and really we never know what is going on in others life’s.

  re the coffee if you do have too much caffeine it can give you the shakes and when you start to cut back you can get real bad headaches as it can be very addictive and your body craves it.

I also get the same thing from my family because I have no partner or kids I get called  Gay, I think it hurts the most when it comes from my mum, but people can be so cruel and we need to learn to rise above it.

So how is your boat and renovation’s going?

I just thought that next time you go to town you should treat yourself to a takeout coffee, as real coffee is so much better then instant stuff and you don’t need to sit in the shop you can even drink it in the car, it may even give you something to look forward to and you deserve to treat yourself when you make steps like that.

Anyway I better get some sleep (well at least try to if insomnia does not beat me again.)Have a good night

Sparkles

[angelite]

Hey J

Why does everything have to feel so much worse at night. 

I'm so sick of these flashbacks is it too much to ask just for one night they would stop. So the anxiety would go and I can feel safe. I wish I wwas at the river.

Sis

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

i know you are doing it really tough at the moment and i will always be here for you, you know that;) i know the felling of detachment, i have had it perminantly for about 7 years, i fell nothing, and nothing feels real, i feel like i am in a perminant dreaming state.  i know it is horrible, and sometimes i frighten my self with the thoughts that come with being detached, you and i just have to support each other through them.

i think everything feel worse of a night because it is dark and you only have your mind for company, you can't see anything and most of the time it is so quite it allows our mind to wonder, not to mention i think nights go by so slowly compaired to days.  you should ask your doctor for some stronger sleeping medication to get some sleep,  it may help with your state of mind too, i know how exhausting not having sleep can be, it seems to make things 10x worse.

hey Karen guess what, you only have a few more hours until your car is fixed, hooray, i bet it wil lbe nice to have it back again, my mothers car is out of action again, it seems to be an ongoing thing it is 32 years old so i suppose you can't expect miricals, but it is usually reliable.

hey i have read about a new treatment you might want to ask your doctor about, they say it works well for PTSD sufferers, they make you write out the trauma you suffered and then read it out aloud while they film it, then everyday over the course of 5 weeks you watch it, they say that it tricks the mind into thinking it is someone else that had the trauma, might be worth looking into, i am no expert by any means but anything is wirth a try, right.

please take care and big hugs, from your writing it sounds lie things are not  too good at the moment, hang in their, i am always here for you.

bye

Jacques