Obsessive thoughts

[Paddlepop13]

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting.
I am 27 and my whole teen/early adult life I thought I was just a slightly stressy slightly neurotic person like a personality quirk. But since beginning to have serious romantic relationships around 18 it got so much worse. I struggled so badly with all-consuming jealousy even if it was baseless and I become hyper vigilant for signs that I should be jealous which is exhausting for myself and awful for my partner. I havent been able to hold a relationship for longer than 2 yr. Recently I have noticed that things are changing though. I met someone I loved so much and tried hard not to be jealous (though I still was frequently but to me it was an improvement compared to past relationships) - but in suppressing that behaviour a new thing emerged. I worried constantly about his character. I worried about whether he secretly had sexual interests or desires I might find immoral. I worried that he might be a paedophile (completely baseless btw and looking back, can't believe I would think that?) Then I worried he might be secretly gay. I worried myself sick over the idea he might prefer my friends to me. I have no clue where these thoughts or worries came from at all but at the time they seemes real and important. He left me a few weeks ago and I have been struggling terribly. I feel that he deserves to be free of me but also I want so badly to be able to be a normal happy girlfriend and let him like me, but i cant and I dont know why.
Recently I have also started having intrusive thoughts. this is totally new for me, the thoughts are of a family member sexually assaulting me as a child. I am 99.999% sure it didnt happen as sometimes I can even feel the sensation of my brain "making it up" voluntarily almost as though it just wants to think about the worst possible thing it can on purpose. But then I get confused and obsess about it and try to recall more evidence for it etc. Sorry I dont really have a question I just cant sleep cant relax and needed to tell someone.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I very much understand you and it is more than annoying, it's consuming.

My first experience with intrusive thoughts began at 31yo while I was going through a workplace stressful event. Off work for a number of months I fantasized over my boss doing checks on my while gardening or that a debt collector might come even though I had no debts lol. Eventually in 2009 at 53yo I was diagnosed with bipolar which connected all the dots. You might also have a condition like anxiety, mania or low self esteem that needs correcting. Dont be afraid, once diagnosed life is just beginning. Life can be much better.

So during my therapy period at that time it was all pointed out to me. Comments by the therapist were very helpful like "Tony, when are you going to stop saving the world" and "you are black and white, in a world of 9 billion grey thinking people, people that are flexible".

So I embarked of his recommendation to, when these thoughts entered my head, to consider if they were realistic or not. Then the next step is to distract yourself, walk to the back yard, to the letterbox or do a jigsaw.

Your thoughts of your sexual abuse imagined is it seems a concern as it is more extreme than what I've just highlighted. Many people imagine they were adopted when they weren't for example. This fear you have, I believe is best addressed by a professional and you can start with a visit to your GP. Therapy would be really advantageous for you.

If you do not have anxiety there is still some things people do that can help you. The following threads highlights some exercises that really do work. As it is a long term fix getting into a routine is important.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/anxiety-how-l-eliminated-it#qpS1gXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/meditation---words-of-wisdom---it-helped-me-for-25-years#qe4ivHHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/an-over-active-mind-#qkge9HHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

repost anytime

TonyWK

[Here_I_am]

Hi Paddlepop13,

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find acceptance and peace in these pages, and that you can begin the journey of discovering which way is up again as you read and write.

Intrusive thoughts are difficult to reconcile. I remember the type of intrusive thoughts I had whilst my anxiety was at its peak, and even now looking back I cannot for the life of me figure out how any part of my mind thought entertaining them was okay or in any way acceptable. Yet, at the time - even though half of me was thinking 'this is insane' - they seemed to make sense.

You've done a very proactive thing by reaching out here. I want to encourage you to go further in your reaching out, and if you feel comfortable in doing so speaking to a GP or counsellor about your thoughts and feelings. This is not necessarily to explore them further, but to gain some support and professional input into how to interrupt the strange loop that left unchecked will likely continue without resolution.

TonyWK has provided some really useful links to some of the threads and resources here on BB. As you find your way forward, I hope you can find a foothold and really gain some traction on your situation.

Hope to hear from you again.

[White_Rose]

Dear Paddlepop

Hello and welcome. Like the two posters above I am very happy you have found us and posted in. While we have no professional qualifications we do have lots of lived experience which is very valuable.

These wretched thoughts are the pits. I am sure many, if not most, people have these thoughts from time to time and wonder where they came from. Why we have them I do not know but the effect on our lives can be devastating. It almost seems that we have a compulsion to imagine these situations and put ourselves in the middle of the scenario. It's not like the scenario when we wish we had done something differently which can leave regrets for doing or not doing something. That's bad enough.

These are totally unreal situations we imagine and cause us no end of distress. I know it's easy to say look at them and see how likely this situation is and then put them to one side. If only.... I think it is going to take work to manage them. I don't say stop as fighting to stop is exhausting and rarely successful. We need to learn how to manage them.

It's a bit like a friend of mine who fell and broke her wrist which was not set properly. Nothing can be done now except to learn how to use the other wrist/hand. I think intrusive thoughts are like that. We did not start life with them and they are certainly unwelcome. We must learn to manage and one of the first things, in my opinion, is to stop beating ourselves up so to speak, when these happen. Easy for me to say I know but such a struggle to do.

This is why I believe the best place to start is with your GP. He/she can refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist if necessary. You do not have to go through life trying to manage or hide these thoughts. The strain will exhaust you and cause further worry. Sorry to sound a bit negative. Like the two people above, I also know what it's like for these thoughts to pop into your head. I think that after a time we can easily accept them as true and normal because they wear down our resistance.

Not sure if we are anxious because of the thoughts or we are anxious and this allows us to have these thoughts. Either way it is the outcome that matters. Please have a chat with your GP. Print your post above and show to your doctor if you think it would be helpful. It's a good way to start the conversation.

Mary