New here and would like advice and help with intrusive thoughts.

[JekyllAndHyde]

Hi there, I'm a 29 year old male who only started getting anxiety around mid-2016, had mild depression before then but dealt with it fairly easily. I tried keeping this anxiety and intrusive thoughts to myself out of hate for myself and guilt. It's come to the point where I feel pain in my chest as if it were a heart attack coming on. Not sure what to do or where to turn? I know I'm not an evil person, I have a good heart and mind but doubt always kicks in. And I hate it. Why do intrusive thoughts control and how can they affect the body in this change? How does the mind allow such messed up thoughts to enter your mind and have thoughts of things you'd never do in a million years? I don't know what to do and I freak out over it.

I'm embarrassed and feel guilty if I go see a doctor about this and seriously don't know what to do or who to talk to!

[blueskye]

Hi JekyllAndHyde,

Welcome to the forums 🙂

Thanks for sharing! You're definitely not alone. I'm in the same boat too and can totally relate.

Having anxiety and depression not make you any less of a person than the next. You're not evil and you sound like a lovely person.

Anxiety and depression messes up with your head, but you can and will get better.

The mind is a complex thing. We have researches that have studied for years about it and they are still discovering new things! Everyone requires their own tailored mental health plan. I suggest seeing a doctor or psychologist (or any professional that you feel comfortable talking to) because they know their stuff. The idea may be daunting but they have seen and helped many of people just like us. It's part of their profession and they won't judge you. We are also here for you as well, of course.

What have you tried to help you feel better? What seems to work and what doesn't?

Hope to hear from you soon. All the best x

[geoff]

Hello J &H, it does take courage to post a comment on this site, especially when you are having these problems, and I know myself that I shouldn’t be physically reacting, but I can’t do anything about it, nor even those thoughts that come back to annoy us, that's how I thought a long time ago, but I've had OCD for 58 years and have learnt to know how to understand them.

When I was your age I also had a lot of guilt because my intrusive thoughts were about my dear Mum, who I loved and never could understand why they happened.

They happen when your mind is wandering and overthinking, it's frustrating because they are irrational but you have no control over them and if you're sitting down talking to someone and have a disagreement with them, your mind starts to wonder and think how your relationship with that person could go in the future, and mostly it goes to the worst outcome.

Don't be afraid of going to the doctors, OCD/intrusive thoughts aren't something new so they won't be shocked at all when you and see them.

I take medication designed to help me with depression and OCD, but it doesn't completely stop the latter.

The GP may refer you onto a psychologist who can help you with these thoughts using CBT.

There is an enormous section on 'intrusive thoughts' so just type it in the search bar above this, at the top of the page.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[JekyllAndHyde]

Thank you for your reply Blueskye.

It's been a rough 2 years since my first intrusive thought hit me, and I mean it came out of no where and was something I'd never even think of meaning in any lifetime. That one moment left me feeling very cold, alone, empty and suicidal. I felt like I was at a loss.

I wish I could just snap my fingers and rewind time to that single moment and stop myself but this is my reality at the moment and it feels a giant mess. I feel ashamed and guilty at times even though I know for certain I am not the person my brain is trying to convince myself I am. And at times it feels like it's an impossible struggle. Especially now that I feel like I have the symptoms of a heart attack at times from all the stress and guilt I guess.

What has helped in a fairly huge way is discovering this siteand reading others posts of intrusive thoughts. Knowing I'm not alone has really gave me some breathing room and acknowledgment that I'm not who these thoughts portray me as.

It's affected my life in daily means greatly as I feel like a different person at times because of this. But I'm holding on to the future with great hope.

Thank you again for this.

[JekyllAndHyde]

Hi Geoff,

Thank you so much for the reply. I know exactly how you feel with what you're saying about your mother. I too have experienced thoughts that would never wish or do against my mother. It saddens me deeply they have entered my mind and shook me. I remember the first thought of anger against my mother and I felt like destroyed a peice of myself. This was back when I was 15 I think. Hated myself ever since.

I had my first break down in mid-2016 which to this day I can't seem to forgive myself for having come to my mind. Really wish it didn't happen. I know deep down I am not a monster of any sorts and am quiet the opposite, but that thought of intrusion damaged me to the point where that day I felt very cold and alone and contemplated suicide.

If I were to sum up a quick digest of how I felt since this depression and anxiety elevated is I imagine my life as a book. First few chapters are of my birth, childhood, teens and young adult years, everything was going fine, perfect spelling, grammar, and neatly written. Then all of a sudden during this adult chapter somewhere in the middle of a sentence a full stop was place and then gibberish and mixed words and spelling took over, along with letters all over the pages. Thats how i feel now. And its difficult.

I don't understand why this happened and I wish it didn't. Two years I've kept this to myself to the point of physical pain in my chest and heart. Moments I feel like I'm going to die any second from guilt and hatred of myself.

Thank you dearly for sharing your story with me. It's hard to express these words but I felt as a man I could bottle everything up and be fine but it's taken it's toll.

[Dylan121121]

Iv'e been dealing with intrusive thoughts for ages. What helped me was my medication and boxing just to keep my mind busy and myself feeling good and confident. Speaking to a doctor will help alot.

[JekyllAndHyde]

Hey Dylan,

Th a is for the reply. Feels difficult, especially at night when everything's quiet and alone. Some days are difficult to even get through because of fears and anxiety rolling around the corner. The mind just backs itself into a corner some days and messes with me. I've booked to see my GP this afternoon but honestly am feeling a little anxious in doing so and asking for a therapist or something.

The only thing I liked doing to take my mind of things was working out with weights and cardio but since the attacks of anxiety I can barely get motivated to do so anymore. Always hoping things will change for the better.

Again thank for the reply.

[geoff]

Hi J&H, everything you have said as well as what others have said, I can totally relate to.

Those of us who have OCD know what each of us is saying, there's no need for an explanation and there doesn't have to, except to say how devastating all of this has been and still is for us and how much it affects our lives.

It's so hard to give a reason why we have to do it, to people who don't have any knowledge, how can we justify checking the lock 4 or 5 times when they say 'you've just checked it and it's locked'?

Let me give you another example, if you can paint your bedroom wall, but someone else can't do it, isn't that roughly the same principle as having OCD, mind you it's a strange example.

I'll explain it better if you want me to.

Best wishes.

Geoff.