Lost, confused, and scared of what I’m finding in myself

[petrichor_26]

Long time reader but first time poster so I hope this is okay…

I’ve always felt worried about most things since I can remember, I thought I was just a shy person at first but there’s always been some sort of daily battle.

It’s finally started messing with me to the point that I feel like a fraud, I’m so tired, I can’t keep up the facade anymore. I don’t know what’s worse, going to work and seeing people and having to put on a brave face or staying at home and be stuck with my 'self'.

I recently went to see a GP and got a mental health plan put together but it’s 2 weeks until my first psych session and I’m not sure what to do until then, it seems so far away. Since then, it feels like I’ve ripped the band aid off and let the floodgates open. I can’t seem to turn off the anxiety, fear, sadness anymore. The world is such a beautiful place, why do I feel so lost and disconnected?

I’ve told some things to the few people I have in my life because I know that seeking help and having a support network is a good thing but I can’t bring myself to burden them with this. I mean everyone has stuff going on in their lives.

Sorry for the rambling, I just needed to tell someone, and I guess it’s easier done through a screen.

Any tips to get by in the meantime would be greatly appreciated.

For now, I’ll just keep at the waiting game.

[smallwolf]

Hi. Welcome to beyond blue.

You used the analogy of the flood gates opening. Probably fair. I have not looked at it in that way myself. I described it as taking the scenic route that takes a long time to unravel. Such is my journey with my psychologist. But you asked about things to do in the meantime. Here goes...

• My psychologist put me onto 2 apps for my phone. They are virtual hope box and relax melodies. (Other users might have other suggestions.)
• The apps I mentioned and other threads contain distraction and coping tools. These tools will help bring you back to the present moment, rather than getting lost in your thoughts.
• Use this space as a journal if you need to or if it helps. Writing down your thoughts on paper can help to get it out of your head? And the benefit here is that you have the support of others here.
• There are threads on the forum relating to grounding and mindfulness. You might get a few ideas to help you cope.

That is all I can think of for the moment. But if you want to chat some more about any of the suggestion above, please let me know. Also, we have all been where you are. It will take time, but things will get better if slowly. Just take each day one at a time, hour by hour.

Tim

[Ggrand]

Hello petricher,

Welcome to the forums...

Very well done in getting a mental health care plan underway, I really wish you all the best and hope so much that your journey to wellness will start in two weeks time, your first psych visit....

Im sorry your struggling so much...I can relate to the choices of going to work, (for me it’s voluntary) or staying at home...I usually go with the latter, stay at home..I have a fear of strangers and people in general so I like it at home...I’m rural nsw and home means no one around...

What I do to keep busy and to stop those negative thoughts, is to do something I like to do.. Read a book, watch tv, listen and ding to your favourite music..play internet games..My go to is an instrumental, ill select one instrument and follow only that instrument right through the song....I just started to do some French knitting, I think it’s know as tube knitting today...It distracting your mind onto something else to think about, the more concentration required I think is better......

As Tim has entitled about some threads here which I find very helpful..

I have a grounding thread, “”Grounding what is it and how do we....This helps to teach us all about how to ground ourselves and how to make a small grounding pouch/box for if you have high anxiety when your out, it can help ground you.. your most welcome to read, or/and if you want to ask questions or just join in the conversation..l

The mindfulness thread, is called. “ Mindfulness, even if you don’t know let us know your thoughts....I hope that’s right..it’s about people like you and me talking about how to do mindfulness and they share there successes and it teaches how to me mindful....

I hope the two weeks goes quickly for you...

Awe, I’m really sorry that your floodgate opened...it’s okay to cry, hard I know, but crying helps to release some pent up hurt.

Its hard isn’t it to open up to our friends, we just don’t know how they will react, I found that if someone hasn’t been through or experiencing , anxiety, depression, and the emotional roller coaster, it’s just to hard for them to understand..

Oh no, no way are you rambling, it’s good that you joined and now have a safe place to vent or talk, as little or as much as you want to talk.....Hoping you will get back and keep us updated on how your feeling...

Kind thoughts,

Grandy..

[petrichor_26]

Thank you, Tim, and Grandy for your kind responses, suggestions, and well wishes. It’s nice to hear from people who just… understand. I will have a look at the apps and grounding/mindfulness threads.

One day at a time, hour by hour – I think I just need to keep on reminding myself of that, I’ve gotten this far so what’s another 2 weeks?