Intensifying anxiety and depression.

[just_let_go]

Hi all.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm hoping to achieve here. But here goes. Here's is my story.

I am convinced all my problems stem from my constant worrying about things that happened in the past, every day activities, fear of what my future holds and other things I have no control over and a general lack of confidence in myself. I wish I had a way to just stop thinking. Turn my brain off for a few hours.

Where to begin... I suppose with my first panic attack. Things had started to get weird. I've always shown signs of anxiety and depression, but it was at a manageable point. I was growing less and less happy, not enjoying thing I usually did. I first noticed it when I was at a concert seeing my favourite band, and literally felt nothing. now a week later I caught up with some friends, and one of them had the bright idea of sharing around some dope brownies. (I do not have a drug problem before you all start asking, I have smoked it before but extremely rarely.)

So anyway I had one for the hell of it. I felt good at first... Then I noticed my heart racing uncontrollably. I thought It may have been from running around (we were kicking a soccer ball around) but after sitting down it did not show any signs of slowing. The I began to panic. I said to my friend I needed to get home. He took me home and I just started freaking out. All my muscles tightened, my mouth went dry, my heart was going mental. I was over taken by a sense of uncontrollable irrational fear and I thought I was dying. It lasted 2 hours. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced.

That was about to months ago. Since then my anxiety has skyrocketed. I'm slowly learning to control it, but lately the depression side of things is escalating. It's to the point where I am conscious of my mental state 24/7. Every night I got to bed fearing another panic attack. I'm always worried that it's going to keep getting worse, and it's bad enough as it is.

I've started exercising more, watching what I eat, engaging in calming exercises before bed and seeing a psychiatrist. 

I really hope things get better soon. I don't want to live out my days feeling like this. I'm not going to give up. i wont let this beat me. I found a site called anxietynomore that is fantastic and taught me a few things about controling and embracing my anxiety (That is seriously the key, you have to embrace it, train your brain to react calmly when it strikes). But depression is proving tougher.

Thanks for reading.

[Struggler]

Hi Manipulator

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for posting your concerns. 

It is pleasing to know that you've found a site that helps you manage your anxiety.  Depression is different, yes I agree.  It is always there.  For example, I carry sadness in my heart 24/7. It is always there but in different degree.  It is debilitating and analogous to walking with a rock tied around my ankle holding me back.  

I manage by keeping busy to distract myself from it and filling the void.  I went off medication about 12 months ago and sometimes wonder if it was wise.  

You have a psychiatrist treating you for the medical side and that is good.  Do you have a psychologist. Psychologist is more personal and caring and can help you come to terms with your past.  Together with medication, your condition may improve or at least manageable.

Struggler

[AGrace]

Hi Manipulator (I'm a little curious about the name),

Thanks for posting and sharing some of your methods in coping with anxiety. No doubt plenty of people will read this and find it very useful.

I'm glad that you've decided to stick to the plain chocolate variety of brownies and not the laced type. A very wise move as they're yet to determine whether cannabis has positive or negative effects on mental health. 

It sounds like you've been through the wringer in terms of your battle with anxiety. It can become quite debilitating so I'm glad you've found some resources and are finding them helpful.

In my experience anxiety and depression quite commonly go hand in hand. Anxiety can prevent you from doing things you would usually enjoy and therefore lead to feeling depressed about not finding things pleasurable anymore. Having said this, depression can often be the most trickiest to get a handle on, because it's not just about relaxing, but more about how you can begin to find positive emotions again.

I completely agree with Struggler in terms of having a combination of treatments up your sleeve. Has your Psychiatrist spoken about or prescribed any medication to help with your symptoms? This could be one avenue to take. Talking Therapy with either a Psychiatrist, Psychologist, or counsellor is another good option. As you said, you spend a lot of time ruminating about your past and talking with someone can give you a second chance to work through some of these issues. Lifestyle choices are also an important part in wellness so I'm glad to hear that your exercising and eating adequately. Take sleep into consideration here as well. If you're panicking before bed you may not be getting a restful night's sleep.

It's very common for us to have thoughts about the past and the future and something I find helps with this is Mindfulness. In my words this form of therapy is about being conscious of the present whilst allowing thoughts to be there without passing judgement. It takes a bit of practice but then it's something you can do at any point in the day, unlike meditation which often requires you to be in a very relaxed state. If you're interested to find out more you can try the following websites thehappinesstrap.com/mindfulness  or   mindfulness.org.au

If you're looking for more resources on depression/anxiety Beyondblue has quite a range of these available on their website.

Let us know how you're travelling.

AGrace

[just_let_go]

Hi Struggler.

Thanks for the welcome and reply. 

My apologies for the delayed reply. Also for my spelling and grammar in my initial post, It was very early after almost no sleep.

I'm sorry to hear that, and I can definitely relate to that feeling. Now it turns out I have a psychologist, not a psychiatrist... I also got them confused. She has been quite good so far but i've only attended 2 sessions. So at the moment I am not seeking medication. I don't think I'll go down that road unless I really have to.

I've been trying a few more tactics lately. One of which I've seen surprising results. Basically when I was feeling very down, I just started acting the complete opposite as best I could. I first it felt so fake and empty that I thought I might burst into tears, But i kept it up, and an hour later I was suddenly feeling better than I'd felt in months!

That was last night, and I was literally so surprised by the sudden sense of happiness I couldn't sleep. It's carried on even into today. I mean I'm not feeling brilliant, just OK. But it's a vast improvement. However I've dealt with this long enough to know that it probably wont last.  

Hope you're well. 

[just_let_go]

Hi AGrace, Thanks for the reply.

The name is nothing meaningful, it was the name of the song I was listening to when I made my name.

I hope people can benefit from what I've tried. It is my hope to help people with anxiety and depression once I get my own under control.

I think you're spot on in saying they come hand in hand. I actually found anxiety quite easy to get a grip on once I learned to just accept it. The depression side is proving very hard though. Sometimes I get into a depressive episode that is very hard for me to get out of and often lasts days. I've found the only way i can snap out of it sometimes is to just go for a run, or start just acting happy, which is really hard at first but eventually your mind and body seem to catch on and adjust appropriately.  

As I said to Struggler, I actually have a psychologist. Not a psychiatrist, so at the moment I'm not on any meds, and I don't really want to go down that path. I've only had 2 sessions with my psychologist so far and she seems vey knowledgable so hopefully she has some techniques for me.

I am having trouble sleeping. Some nights I'm fine while others my mind just seems to go berserk all night. I usually shut off everything (Computers, phones ect) at 10:30pm and then read until around 11:30pm which I thought would help, but sometimes reading doesn't seem to relax me at all. For example, last night I was feeling a lot better than usual, read for an hour before bed, thought I was in for a restful night, but nope! My mind was more active than I've ever felt it that night, thoughts racing around like crazy. 

This mindfulness sounds like a good idea, I'll definitely look into it. Thank you so much for the help!  

[just_let_go]

I also struggle with "intrusive thoughts" as I've seen them described on here. These being something I cannot find a technique to control. The only one I see is to evaluate the thought, or write it down and then hope it's not as bad as you initially believed... But what if it still is? No matter how I evaluate it, it remains a terrifying and horrible thought that gives me instant feelings of anxiety. I have no control over it. 

I do not want to go into detail about it as it is very personal. 

I need a way to let a worrying thought go, one that I have no control over. So I can focus on my life and move on. 

[AGrace]

Hi Manipulator, 

Some say we can't get rid of thoughts and therefore we should try to accept them. S

ome techniques for doing this are:

Remembering thoughts are not facts, they are simply thoughts

Thank your brain for the thought, without buying into it

Repeat the thought but imagine it in the voice of a cartoon character

Others say we have the potential to change thoughts. Some techniques for this are:

Imagine placing each thought on a cloud and watching them float away

CBT, write down the thought, assess the reality of the thought, challenge the thought by coming up with a new alternative thought.

They sound corny but try them all and see if any are useful, then practice. 

AGrace