Anxiety around some friends but not others?

[BenD]

Hi all,

Just wondering if anyone else gets more anxious around some friends but not others? I just spent the week away with a bunch of uni friends and it was honestly one of the most enjoyable trips I've had. I seem to get agree with them more than some of the friends that I've grown up with (not to diminish the benefit that they have made to my life though).

It kinda feels like some people I'm keeping up appearances and "acting", whilst around others I'm not afraid to be myself and say what I want.

Thoughts?

[white knight]

Hi Ben,  Welcome

Too right!!.  Friends you grew up with is a random thing in terms of intelligence level and other things in common.

Your uni student friends are all much on the same level.

I've found this with car clubs I've been in.  The car owners are random and its a lottery if you click with someone. Whereas friends that I've worked with on the same level of professionalism is more relaxed. In one car club I had a guy that was extremely highly qualified and we didnt see eye to eye at all.

Some friends can see right thru you or at least it seems that way. It is most uncomfortable. 

What you describe is common and why you move on from friendships.

[AGrace]

Hi Ben,

Welcome. 

I think we put different hats on all the time. With some people we wear our relaxed hat and anything goes,  for others its our cautious hat and we aren't as authentic, sometimes we put on the professional hat and are more serious etc.

Wearing a different hat doesn't mean we like them any less, just that we will give and take different things from the relationship. 

Have you had a look at why you feel anxious around childhood friends?  Is it that you cant be who you used to be? Are you worried you dont meet their expectations anymore? Do you have less in common and worry that you wont feel connected?

Id be interested to hear your thoughts. 

AGrace