My life has gone temporarily haywire

Shell4444 · ‎30-06-2014

Hi all,

many things have happened to me over the past couple of years - loss of job I loved which led to a job I hated, death of a friend whom I was the only executor, listed as next of kin and her general dogsbody then facing having a much delayed knee replacement. When i was about to return to work my back started to play up and now the ceo of the organisation has decided I am not capable of driving a work vehicle even though i have clearance from 3 doctors and she has never met me. I have sailed through everything except now the ceo's actions have been the icing on the cake and have eroded my confidence to such a state I have started with anxiety attacks and today had a panic attack waiting in the doctors rooms. I thought I was going to keel over and my heart was racing so hard he gave me an ecg. How does everyone else cope in these situations. I want to resign from work, I've gone from 40+ hours per week to 7.5 hours per week, I was cutting down hours and starting work back in a job I really enjoyed but not to 7.5 hours. I am feeling like they dont think I can carry out the job anymore and this I find devastating. My husband is very supportive and does not want me to resign because he does not want me home dwelling on what is going on. I have written a "diary" to get a lot of this stuff out of my head. My doctor has started me on medication and he at long last realises what I am going through and wants to see me later in the week to discuss anxiety medication. I am also seeing a psychologist. I would really like to know I am not going mad and that I will get past this, at the moment I would like to find a nice safe place and hide for a while.

thankyou,

Michelle

Struggler · ‎02-07-2014

Hi Shell4444

Welcome to beyond Blue.

So much happened in such a short space of time. No wonder you feel overwhelmed. You've taken some positive steps already and you are in the safe hands of your medical team.

I worry about your work situation. I feel that it is the number one cause of your distress at the moment. I understand your husband's not wanting you to resign. However, do you think your employer is trying to force you out? The signs are: remove the use of work vehicle, cutting your hours to 7.5 per week, ignoring you and in general disrespecting you.

It'll be very difficult to get well if you don't remove yourself from toxic environment. That's my opinion based on what you wrote here. Please think about it, no job is work sacrificing your mental health.

I'd like to follow your progress and please write back.

Struggler

Shell4444 · ‎04-07-2014

Thankyou for your reply.

Yesterday was one of the best days I have had for a long time as I have started to do some positive things for myself and kept my brain busy.

I have started off by contacting my pain management doctor, then seeking advice from a government dept and for the first time it has been completely explained to me by an independent person where I stand with regards to work and where my employer stands and what I have to do and I feel like I know how to empower myself. My employer is entitled to limit my work if they have concerns for my well being, but when I present them with my 6th medical clearance letter I should be able to resume full duties,if not there is another option. I am happy with this because work gives me so many mixed and incorrect messages.

Another friend who works in the same organisation was talking with me and she feels that my anxiety stems from events that took place in the same workplace a few years ago so I am going to take this up with my psychologist when I see her next. My friend used the words she could hear rage in my voice and I realise that is exactly how I feel and the situation was brushed under the carpet by my employers when I spoke with them and I know I feel really so angry because of the situation my staff and I Were put in, it was dreadful. She was one of the staff members who worked with me during this time so knows exactly the situation we were put in. I see what my employer is doing now is a lot of **** covering because they know what happened in the past and the damage that was done and did nothing, i regret I never went to the doctor at that time because I would have had the ammunition to pull all the staff out until the situation was sorted out but we were all so concerned for the 74 residents 4 of us packing for and relocating, their well being rated higher than our own. I have to work through this, deal with it and move on. Your right though, my workplace is and always will be toxic. On a positive I work with people with mental health problems and disabilities and I love them all and even 7.5 hours with them makes me realise how lucky I am and they give me so much enjoyment and fun in their company. This I don't want to loose. I just have to realise that there are managers and managers, if you get my drift.

I have started looking for another job, even been for an interview, but I am not going to rush into anything.

Thankyou again