I’m so horribly unattractive

[PsychedelicFur]

I’m so horribly unattractive.

my toxic ex told me I was a ‘6/10’ and ‘plus size’ and embarrassing looking. That is why he showed me photos of other women in bikinis.

I’m that unattractive that he lost interest in me and started treating me like garbage. I know deep and meaningful relationships are not based off looks but he made me believe that I wasn’t very good looking. Even though I have had people, strangers come up to me, hundreds of time and compliment my eccentric clothing or my long wavy ginger hair.

he said to me once ‘you’re looks don’t matter anyway because you are only a 6/10.’

I’m starting to believe what he said about me. ☹️😢😭 please give some suggestions or advice.

many thanks,

lots of love,

PF.

[PsychedelicFur]

Yes that is EXACTLY what I am talking about. Thank you.

[PsychedelicFur]

I’m tired. Mentally drained. I’m tired of parenting my parents. I’m tired of telling them not to be desperate. I’m tired of just giving them advice and sometimes they disregard it. I try so hard. All of life, even as a four year old I have to give advice because my parents marriage was so rocky. I’m exhausted. Everyday I feel like my advice or words I give to my parents are just completely disregarded.

PF.

[Croix]

Dear PsF~

OK, you have been injured by someone who is so small inside they have to control another - that injury can pass, I have faith in you.

About holding your parent's hands, once before I suggested you turn something upside-down and look at it another way.

Yes it has exhausted you shepherding them, but what would they -and you -be like if you had not done so? Not so good for them at least.

Every time you guide -or try to guide them, so they are not so desperate you are also reinforcing those beliefs inside yourself, making you wiser, stronger and less given to impulse.

Please try to do what I do,something relaxing that takes your mind away from trouble for a little while. A book, a play list for each mood, write song lyrics ... dunno, up to you, maybe eat a cookie and feel it richly deserved.

Croix

[PsychedelicFur]

Thank you Croix. I will try all of that 🙂

[PsychedelicFur]

I’m feeling so anxious at the moment.

[PsychedelicFur]

Everyday seems like a complete and utter nightmare. Parent’s separation has driven to me to feeling even more incapable and undeserving than ever now. The house that we applied for had been such a struggle. The bond assistance line were unable to help us due to the fact that I am ineligible-my income I get for my study allowance is too low.
Struggling to put groceries in the pantry. Food help from the local church has existed us greatly. Narcissistic mother put a caveat on the house and is pregnant with another child. House is now sold. Moving time soon.
I just feel like a failure. Why is life so difficult? It has always been difficult for me, especially because I have somewhat grown up in poverty. Right now, despite my good clothes for university and nice celebratory events.. most of my old clothes have holes in them. I have to help provide food and rent. I feel lost and secluded. I feel like people don’t necessarily understand me.
I go to University everyday to try and fix this situation. I want to do something with my life. I just want to be a - someone. It’s awfully difficult. I got an offer for one of the most successful media universities in my state and part of me is asking - “why me?! Especially after all of this?”
PF

[Croix]

Dear PsF~

Why you? I would suspect a combination of talent, hard work and rich life experience. Here "rich means being poor"

(Yes that last bit was a joke - sorry about that.)

You also have lived and survived an awful lot, no point in me repeating it all here, we both know it. So that can help, acting, or I suspect writing in some form, will be head and shoulders above those with comfortable lives.

You will, when you find someone you see clearly to love and trust, make a very excellent partner, shouldering half of the problems and avoiding the pitfalls of your parents and previous ex'es due to your experiences.

You mentioned before you do well at study and now having a pretty good offer, that's both an ability and a ray of sunshine in the gloom.

Practical skills, dealing with utility companies and other debts, seeking help from social welfare organizations, it is all things you can do.

I've never seen failure in you not since you started posting, what was it, start of 2019? I forget. You have got though everything and you will get though the accommodation crisis and all the rest.

I have seen love of music and unconventionality -that's been good!

Croix

[PsychedelicFur]

Thank you Croix. That’s very kind of you.

[PsychedelicFur]

My Body Dysmorphia is flaring up.
I feel disgusting, overweight, unattractive.
I get nervous when I have to be in front of the camera for videos or photos (taken by other people)

I analyse and criticise everything once I have viewed that photo or video.

Sometimes I speak to my cousin and she talks about so many men that have a crush on her. I feel so inadequate when she speaks about it.. all of these guys like and appreciate her. I feel so grotesque. Like a monster. Everyone my age is slimming down and looking beautiful. I’m feeling like I am the most ridiculous looking thing to ever exist. I know things, particularly relationships should not be forged or formed over such superficial attributes like the colour of my eyes or how skinny I am.

However.. it’s affecting me each day. It just seems to be getting worse. I don’t like leaving home at all. Unless I am wearing something really nice or I have covered myself up with a hat, cardigan etc.

My legs are too short, my thighs are too big, my nose is far too wide, I don’t like my hips. etc. I could just go on and on. I cannot enjoy any nice or pleasant opportunities because of this debilitating disorder. Thoughts currently remind me of ; well if I were prettier than people would respect me more... etc. They say as you get older sometimes looks deteriorate.. it’s freaks me out. I feel like I’m a prisoner. A prisoner of my mind, body and soul. I try to compensate with my optimistic attitude and deep love for my passions. It is what is keeping me going. Especially the academic stuff. Without it I would be extremely lost and helpless.

It’s truly painful. Don’t know what else to say.

PF

[PsychedelicFur]

Ex partner use to comment on other girls saying “she is hot.”
He would show me pictures of hot women in bikinis. There is a family acquaintance of mine and he said to me once ; “Oh this is very naughty of me to admit this however I think ____ (insert her name) has a very very sexy butt.” Obviously it made me feel ‘unsexy’ and inadequate.

Once we had an argument at the shopping centre and a week lately he admitted to looking at another young woman who wasn’t wearing a bra and she had a white shirt on.

he even said when he was on the train that “ohh I saw so many hot girls without bras.”

And he would talk about his crush and say “oh I will just have to come to terms that I will never be with her. If it were between you and her I would pick her any-day over you.”

He would also say “I sang that song with a very pretty girl at uni... don’t get jealous.”